Depression

[Bobby Skidmarks]

On 06/03/2017 at 20:00, Toma_BullyWee said:

I went to the cup replay against Ayr. Awful, but I did enjoy it. I plan to get to more towards the end of the season when the decent weather arrives. Hopefully that can give me a kick to get back. I do miss it, awful football aside. I have been depressed on and off since I was about 15. It didn't really bother me back then and I had hundreds of other things going on to distract me. The surgery was a real kicker because I despise being idle, and I had no choice. I was limited to walking the weans to and from school. That's about all I could manage with all the painkillers I was on. I was a zombie. Because I had recently changed jobs I stopped seeing pals that I would see every day (we worked together) and would drink with every other night, even if it was only a pint as the shift ended. 

Since then I lost touch with most people and my personality change is quite drastic. I was always very, how do i put it - out there. I used to do little comedy skits and for a while got a wee bit of momentum behind me which should have pushed me to push myself further. I didn't though. I was quite happy working my shite job and enjoying myself when I could by just being around pals. I was never an attention seeker, but the thought of going back and doing the things I was doing doesn't appeal, which is sad. I get ideas and write them down, excitedly plotting how I would execute them, then this wee voice goes "mate, you're 30. That's a fucking riddy"

Pretty much that. But moving into a new job which I enjoyed, even though it was an awful job to be honest, but I liked it, then suddenly finding myself in my 20's having had back surgery and knowing almost instantly that I would need further surgery within a few years. I just wasn't enjoying myself. I'm still not, and I do still think about it but never with any serious intent. 

That's hard, man. I don't have any advice but wish you well. 

Surely if you have documented everything and with a little bit of proof you can take it further up? Only advice I can offer is if you can afford a month or two out of a job just cut ties. It sounds like a toxic atmosphere and from personal experience I wouldn't recommend cornering yourself like that. 

If I remember rightly when I first started posting on here you used to do videos on YouTube that were quite funny, have you knocked that by the wayside? Something like that to focus on again keeps your mind active.

Ive just re-read what you said and you've touched on that, I don't think doing it at the age of 30 is a riddy. It's not like you're doing make-up tutorials or shouting at people in supermarkets. 

[Theo Snelders]

On 06/03/2017 at 20:00, Toma_BullyWee said:

I went to the cup replay against Ayr. Awful, but I did enjoy it. I plan to get to more towards the end of the season when the decent weather arrives. Hopefully that can give me a kick to get back. I do miss it, awful football aside. I have been depressed on and off since I was about 15. It didn't really bother me back then and I had hundreds of other things going on to distract me. The surgery was a real kicker because I despise being idle, and I had no choice. I was limited to walking the weans to and from school. That's about all I could manage with all the painkillers I was on. I was a zombie. Because I had recently changed jobs I stopped seeing pals that I would see every day (we worked together) and would drink with every other night, even if it was only a pint as the shift ended. 

Since then I lost touch with most people and my personality change is quite drastic. I was always very, how do i put it - out there. I used to do little comedy skits and for a while got a wee bit of momentum behind me which should have pushed me to push myself further. I didn't though. I was quite happy working my shite job and enjoying myself when I could by just being around pals. I was never an attention seeker, but the thought of going back and doing the things I was doing doesn't appeal, which is sad. I get ideas and write them down, excitedly plotting how I would execute them, then this wee voice goes "mate, you're 30. That's a fucking riddy"

Pretty much that. But moving into a new job which I enjoyed, even though it was an awful job to be honest, but I liked it, then suddenly finding myself in my 20's having had back surgery and knowing almost instantly that I would need further surgery within a few years. I just wasn't enjoying myself. I'm still not, and I do still think about it but never with any serious intent. 

That's hard, man. I don't have any advice but wish you well. 

Surely if you have documented everything and with a little bit of proof you can take it further up? Only advice I can offer is if you can afford a month or two out of a job just cut ties. It sounds like a toxic atmosphere and from personal experience I wouldn't recommend cornering yourself like that. 

Sorry it's taken a couple of days to get back to you. Regarding what you say above- although you had episodes of depression before, when that therapy finally arrives mention to them this personality change following your surgeries/job change. I can't help feel that's significant given the impact they seem to have had on you. Again, I may be wrong here because I don't know you- and it's of course your therapy and for you to decide what to discuss.

Hope you get a date for your treatment soon. Mine came through the post today- first one is on Monday 3rd April.

Good luck and try to keep getting out there. Even if it's just for a walk, or as you say to go to the 'shite football'. Suprising how a good rant and rave at a panto villian on the pitch can make you feel after!

[Andy Dufresne]

I have had a great couple of weeks and really enjoying being a spare a driver,i get something different every day and even my boss has left me alone.I was down yesterday but that was because it would have been my old man's birthday.

[Smurph]

On 3/6/2017 at 20:00, Toma_BullyWee said:

Since then I lost touch with most people and my personality change is quite drastic. I was always very, how do i put it - out there. I used to do little comedy skits and for a while got a wee bit of momentum behind me which should have pushed me to push myself further. I didn't though. I was quite happy working my shite job and enjoying myself when I could by just being around pals. I was never an attention seeker, but the thought of going back and doing the things I was doing doesn't appeal, which is sad. I get ideas and write them down, excitedly plotting how I would execute them, then this wee voice goes "mate, you're 30. That's a fucking riddy"

You changed my life, man. Whenever Moves Like Jagger comes on I can't help think about tiny tadgers, and Here, Darlin' is twice the song that (other) ginger penned. Every time I'm in company and they come on I always explain to them and introduce them to TRepic. I don't know the lyrics to the real songs haha.

Edit:

You're

a

fucking

dick

Edited March 12, 2017 by Smurph

[Meatwad]

I've suffered from depressive episodes and anxiety, on occasion severe, relating to my late diagnosis of High Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder, or something to that effect.

 

As a result I've never been able to hold down a job for very long and constantly find myself shuffling about at home, I have other disadvantages too such a poor hand/eye co-ordination which affects things like being able to properly use a knife and fork [something which I've only just started getting better at in recent years] and still being unable to tie my own shoelaces.

 

I get assistance financially from both ESA and PIP, but in honestly my outlook is pretty grim and constantly feeling like i'm being left behind by my pals leaves me feeling like i'm wasting my time.

 

I take 40mg of Citalopram daily and i'm much more tolerable when I've had it but still come across pitfalls. Especially socially as I can't read social cues such as body language a lot or can't control my own tone of voice even though I don't realise when i'm being loud until i'm told I am, it's normal to me.

 

So yeah...that.

[Dons_1988]

Found out on Friday that a good friend of mine took his own life on Thursday. Absolutely heartbroken.

Said it in this thread before but talking about my own issues probably saved my life. Please don't suffer in silence.

[capybara]

Really toiling tonight. Various reasons. What it shows is that it doesn't take much to bring on a heavy episode. Somtimes I just do not know where to turn.

[capybara]

My dear dad is failing very quickly. He doesn't eat much now. And although we can control the pain at home, I fear the time is coming when I cannot cope.

I sat in his room today and felt ready to burst into tears, but they still will not come. I don't know if I want him to go quickly for his sake or hold on to every moment.

[Bully Wee Villa]

Sorry to hear that mate.

[NorthernJambo]

My dear dad is failing very quickly. He doesn't eat much now. And although we can control the pain at home, I fear the time is coming when I cannot cope.
I sat in his room today and felt ready to burst into tears, but they still will not come. I don't know if I want him to go quickly for his sake or hold on to every moment.

Can't be easy mate. It's cliche, buts it's okay not to be okay. Sounds like an awful time, can only try not to let it get on top of you.

[mizfit]

1 hour ago, capybara said:

My dear dad is failing very quickly. He doesn't eat much now. And although we can control the pain at home, I fear the time is coming when I cannot cope.

I sat in his room today and felt ready to burst into tears, but they still will not come. I don't know if I want him to go quickly for his sake or hold on to every moment.

I know exactly how you feel, and it's fucking hellish knowing you can only wait. 

I'm sorry to hear, and like NorthernJambo says try not to let it get on the top of you. 

[capybara]

Cheers guys, off to bed, its the one place I feel safe, but I cant hide from my dreams/nightmares.

[Theo Snelders]

2 hours ago, NorthernJambo said:

Can't be easy mate. It's cliche, buts it's okay not to be okay. Sounds like an awful time, can only try not to let it get on top of you.

Can only echo this. Take care of yourself and spend as much good time as you can with your Dad,

[Stellaboz]

If you need a chuckle go to the gold forum and remind yourself of all the Mis spelt MS paint footballers

[capybara]

Things taking a turn for the worse. And I am just holding it togeather. I had to change my dad three times today. It is brutal. I am going to get help but I am struggling. My doc has been great and is keeping an eye on me. I have sleeping tabs again. But I can't be out the game for too long.

[Gaz]

I'm having a really hard time of it the now.

A few months ago my Dad was admitted to hospital after a series of chest infections. He has COPD due to years of being a smoker and working on building sites. The doctors found a shadow on his lung and he was sent for a CT scan.

The CT scan appeared to show that it was lung cancer. That was the 13th March.

Since then we have been left in complete limbo. My mum and dad can't remember all the details from that appointment back on the 13th March, but when my dad asked if it was lung cancer and the doctor said "probably". When my Dad said "I won't see my grandchildren grow up" the doctor patted his arm. Since then we have no official diagnosis. There hasn't been a biopsy done due to the state of my Dad's lungs. We have no treatment plan.

At a follow-up appointment last week the Doctor essentially told my Dad there was no treatment he could get and started talking about palliative care.

Which is shite. So we're sitting with my Dad getting progressively more and more depressed because he's got this thing inside him, and we don't know whether it's a tumour or not (he has not had a formal diagnosis), whether it's benign, malignant, whether it's small cell, non-small cell, whether it's spreading, whether it's staying the same size, whether he has a few months, six months, a year, two years, five years, we have no idea.

My grandfather passed away last week after illness. He was one of the main role models in my life. I wouldn't be a teacher if it wasn't for him. The funeral was yesterday. My Gran isn't coping well. My Dad couldn't make the funeral, partly because he keeps thinking that some day soon it will be his funeral.

I'm going to make an appointment with my GP to try to get some counselling. I'm feeling really down about everything the now.

[Sergeant Wilson]

1 minute ago, Gaz said:

I'm having a really hard time of it the now.

A few months ago my Dad was admitted to hospital after a series of chest infections. He has COPD due to years of being a smoker and working on building sites. The doctors found a shadow on his lung and he was sent for a CT scan.

The CT scan appeared to show that it was lung cancer. That was the 13th March.

Since then we have been left in complete limbo. My mum and dad can't remember all the details from that appointment back on the 13th March, but when my dad asked if it was lung cancer and the doctor said "probably". When my Dad said "I won't see my grandchildren grow up" the doctor patted his arm. Since then we have no official diagnosis. There hasn't been a biopsy done due to the state of my Dad's lungs. We have no treatment plan.

At a follow-up appointment last week the Doctor essentially told my Dad there was no treatment he could get and started talking about palliative care.

Which is shite. So we're sitting with my Dad getting progressively more and more depressed because he's got this thing inside him, and we don't know whether it's a tumour or not (he has not had a formal diagnosis), whether it's benign, malignant, whether it's small cell, non-small cell, whether it's spreading, whether it's staying the same size, whether he has a few months, six months, a year, two years, five years, we have no idea.

 

Have you asked a Doctor? Your parents might not be taking in all they're being told.

[Gaz]

11 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

Have you asked a Doctor? Your parents might not be taking in all they're being told.

No, but I plan on phoning McMillan on Monday to try to get some more information.

Neither my mum or dad can remember everything about the appointment back in March, because they were both upset. But my mum's super-organised and has a record of everything that's been said or written since.

[Sergeant Wilson]

5 minutes ago, Gaz said:

No, but I plan on phoning McMillan on Monday to try to get some more information.

Neither my mum or dad can remember everything about the appointment back in March, because they were both upset. But my mum's super-organised and has a record of everything that's been said or written since.

I qualify this by telling you I'm not a doctor, but you probably already knew that. From the medical point of view it doesn't really matter what is causing his symptoms. He is obviously very ill and his lung function isn't good. Trying to find out the exact cause would be detrimental to him. Telling how long is not an exact science, so they can be hard to pin down. 

I spoke to a Doctor when my old man died, just for a routine explanation. He told me that his lung function had been registering virtually nil by some measurements for a good while before he died, as much as a couple of years.

[capybara]

12 hours ago, Gaz said:

No, but I plan on phoning McMillan on Monday to try to get some more information.

Neither my mum or dad can remember everything about the appointment back in March, because they were both upset. But my mum's super-organised and has a record of everything that's been said or written since.

Macmillan will be a great help, my nurse works closely with all of us not just my dad and she liaises with dads doc and the district nurse. Also my own doc has been great with me , i am on anti  depressants and sleeping pills, he sees me every month. Also the local council has helped with a chair for the shower and one that lowers dad into the bath, also their welfare right team got me carers allowance and both mum and dad are receiving PIP. I know what you are going through I have had some tough time in the past, but nothing to compare to this. Take care and we are all here to talk if you wish.