Andy Dufresne Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Having known you for 10 years Adam i would have said man up,but after the way i felt at the beginning of Dec then i know how you feel.Give me a phone if you want too talk and go to the Docs.I went the day after i broke down and after talking to her i felt much better.I am doing an online course called Beat The Blues and it is helping. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjw Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Always keep 'breathing space' in mind if your head isn't in the right place.Its sometimes good to unload on someone who is just a voice on the end of a phone. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Wellfan (sorry, not letting me quote for some reason on my iPad at the minute?) -I'm really sorry to hear that mate, a break up is never good for anyone involved, both for the dumper and the dumpee. If you think there is any hope to salvage the relationship then my advice would be to do whatever you can (as long as it won't hurt you) to get it sorted. Bottling things up doesn't work, just culminates in resentment and a desire to end things when perhaps there could be scope to work on things and potentially get things back on track. Having been on the side of what you're on, I can relate to how shite it feels, so if you need to have a chat, feel free.And thanks to everyone for their kind words/advice, it genuinely has made me feel better about things. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
well fan for life Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 16 minutes ago, Adam said: Wellfan (sorry, not letting me quote for some reason on my iPad at the minute?) - I'm really sorry to hear that mate, a break up is never good for anyone involved, both for the dumper and the dumpee. If you think there is any hope to salvage the relationship then my advice would be to do whatever you can (as long as it won't hurt you) to get it sorted. Bottling things up doesn't work, just culminates in resentment and a desire to end things when perhaps there could be scope to work on things and potentially get things back on track. Having been on the side of what you're on, I can relate to how shite it feels, so if you need to have a chat, feel free. And thanks to everyone for their kind words/advice, it genuinely has made me feel better about things. Cheers! It's just good to get it out there and hear something that isn't either "You need to hate her now." or "Just cheer up and move on". I'm not sure what will happen now. I don't know which way it will go, we've agreed to give each other space for a while and I know she has her own stresses to deal with away from this. What's kind of bothered me about this is that I wasn't really aware how fragile my own mental health was. Up until this point I've always managed to take a hit, brush it off and get through it. Then she left me in December and I had a bit of a meltdown, featuring a really memorable evening where I burst into tears in the middle of a pub. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin_Nevis Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 3 hours ago, Adam said: Two days after NY I was walking to the bus stop after working an overtime shift at work, nothing bad had happened that day, and I, very rationally, was talking to myself about how I could throw myself in front of a bus and be done with it. I've felt pretty terrible in the past, as it has been a massive change in my life in the last twelve months, but it was only when I got home and made some dinner that it frightened me how rational and accepting I had been that I could have killed myself, and how I was quite happy at the thought of not being alive anymore. That line in particular brought back some uncomfortable memories for me. I had a spell in late 2008/early 2009 where I genuinely thought about it, and it's fucking scary how logical my thought process was at the time, to the extent that I was trying to think of a way to word "the note" in such a way as to minimise the hurt to my family as much as possible. I'd had a shite couple of months before that, with a relationship ending, I'd started a job I was hating, things were bad financially and generally just getting up and getting through the day at work felt like a massive effort. My lowest ebb was probably new year. I'd gone to a party with my mates, hoping that a decent night out/piss up would lift me. Instead I spent the whole night feeling completely detached from everyone (didn't help that I couldn't get pished for love nor money), and feeling absolutely awful, I fucked off home shortly after the bells. I spent several sleepless hours fighting an internal battle over whether I intended to actually be around the following day, how it would affect my family etc. Thankfully my sister phoned at about 5am (literally the only time I've welcomed a phone call from someone half cut at 5am) and I just spilled. This wasn't some sort of magic solution, but I didn't ever come that close to it again. The following year or three were a spiral of constantly going out on the piss, indulging in illegal substances and generally behaving fairly poorly, but somehow not losing my job. As daft as it sounds, things turned for me in 2012 when I got into hillwalking almost by accident, and as a result of this I was lucky enough to meet my now fiancee. We're not loaded by any definition, but I'm financially stable, finally have a job I enjoy and which luckily keeps my life in perspective and I generally get out to the hills whenever I want. My biggest regret is certainly not seeing a GP when I was at my lowest. Instead I kept it to myself (sister apart) and the result was three years of well, stupidity. I feel fortunate in the way things worked out for me eventually. I could have just as easily continued on the path I had been on prior to 2012 and f**k knows where that would have ended up. That's probably a lengthy way of agreeing with everyone else who's advised you to see your GP, good luck man. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 25 minutes ago, Adam said: Wellfan (sorry, not letting me quote for some reason on my iPad at the minute?) - I'm really sorry to hear that mate, a break up is never good for anyone involved, both for the dumper and the dumpee. If you think there is any hope to salvage the relationship then my advice would be to do whatever you can (as long as it won't hurt you) to get it sorted. Bottling things up doesn't work, just culminates in resentment and a desire to end things when perhaps there could be scope to work on things and potentially get things back on track. Having been on the side of what you're on, I can relate to how shite it feels, so if you need to have a chat, feel free. And thanks to everyone for their kind words/advice, it genuinely has made me feel better about things. Glad you're feeling a little better take every small step slowly, it can be scary to open up for the first time but would agree with the other guys and say your Doc will help a lot. Good luck man, if you ever need someone to talk things over with don't hesitate same applies to @well fan for life hope you get through the tough sh!t that's been thrown your way and hopefully you start the new year much better than the last one ended. First post in this topic but glad many people who may suffer alone can get help from essentially a group of strangers. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 @Adam You know I've been in bad places so it's safe to drop me a pm anytime. Id say same to Lm too. See you're doctor and get different medication to help your sleep and possibly an anti depressant to help your mood. I'm on both so I'm sure that gives you comfort lol 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayrmad Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 5 hours ago, Adam said: Been debating whether to post this or not recently. I feel so down and worthless. My marriage broke down about seven months ago. I knew things weren't going well, but I didn't take it that well. I moved out five months ago, rented a nice flat literally a two minute walk from my old house, so very close by for my kids and obviously still see them loads as a result. They love to stay at my house and have taken the family split much better than I anticipated really. I'm also getting on with my ex much better than I was when we were together. I was dating a girl recently, probably the nicest, most thoughtful and understanding person I have ever met, but it was quite full on fairly early (neither of our faults really, we got swept up quite quickly), I thought it was going too fast and, if I'm honest with myself, I was terrified of getting to a stage where we maybe considered moving in together, and it breaking down and ending up back at square one, so I ended it as I don't think I could go through it again. I sometimes can't help but feel that I've totally fucked my life. I can't see me ever owning a house, I basically live from one wage to the next and after my last two relationships, I genuinely doubt I will ever be with someone and be able to trust them. I've got a pretty good job, I earn enough that I can afford to live on my own in a nice house with my children and have some money to spend on a night out or whatever. I know that there are people in situations that are a million times worse than mine, so instantly I feel guilty that I am upset and angry at how my life has turned out. Two days after NY I was walking to the bus stop after working an overtime shift at work, nothing bad had happened that day, and I, very rationally, was talking to myself about how I could throw myself in front of a bus and be done with it. I've felt pretty terrible in the past, as it has been a massive change in my life in the last twelve months, but it was only when I got home and made some dinner that it frightened me how rational and accepting I had been that I could have killed myself, and how I was quite happy at the thought of not being alive anymore. I have terrible trouble sleeping at night. Even with sleeping tablets from my Doctor I am lucky if I get four hours in total. I have started going for walks, both when I have the kids and when I don't, I try my best to do anything but sit in the house, drinking tea or beer and feeling sorry for myself, keeping active etc... but I still really struggle to sleep. I have terrible nightmares, recurring ones in which I do awful, terrible things, and that worries me about sleeping at night. It's just been a shanner of a year really. Never suffered from depression or seriously contemplated suicide so I'm not going to comment on that. Are your nightmares related to things you've done to people in the past? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Never suffered from depression or seriously contemplated suicide so I'm not going to comment on that. Are your nightmares related to things you've done to people in the past? No, it's not something I've ever done or ever will do, but they're extremely vivid and lifelike at times. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 I hate nightmares, I have them almost every night just now. It's the same thing as well, I lost my granny in July, but I was only told how seriously ill she was 4 days beforehand by a nurse. I keep hearing that conversation over and over in my head whilst remembering her last day. Woke up in a cold sweat on a few occasions and I really struggle to get back to sleep after those dreams. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 1 hour ago, Adam said: No, it's not something I've ever done or ever will do It's called suicidal ideation. More common than you think and often follow trauma. Worth mentioning to a GP, who could refer you for counselling. The time to really worry is when you start getting practical. Settling bills, making plans for the deed (no pun intended...I did really) etc. To my knowledge, you have fairly significant protective factors ie kids, parents. So put the ideation to the back of your mind and do something better. It's really just your mind playing tricks on you, while the recent trauma is impacting so heavily. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 It's called suicidal ideation. More common than you think and often follow trauma. Worth mentioning to a GP, who could refer you for counselling. The time to really worry is when you start getting practical. Settling bills, making plans for the deed (no pun intended...I did really) etc. To my knowledge, you have fairly significant protective factors ie kids, parents. So put the ideation to the back of your mind and do something better. It's really just your mind playing tricks on you, while the recent trauma is impacting so heavily. I don't dream about killing myself, I dream about killing others in my life. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Just now, Adam said: I don't dream about killing myself, I dream about killing others in my life. I meant in real life. Unsurprisingly, this is called Homicidal Ideation. Nothing to worry about for the same reasons. The other main protective factor preventing this is...a long time in jail. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capybara Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Doc has upped my medication and gave me sleeping tablets. The crushing anxiety is under control but life hard. My dad is still ok but his cancer is not going to get better. Nurses are great and we just live day to day. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gareth_Glasgow Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 It never fails to amaze me how brave so many posters have been in posting their thoughts and experiences on this thread, and the overwhelming help and support people always give in response. I've had issues with mental health, fortunately not as severe as a lot of people above have had to deal with, and it's great to know there's a genuine support network of sorts even on a forum as daft as this!Adam, sorry to parrot but I would definitely recommend seeing your GP when you get the chance. In my experience, they've been really clued up on the help you can get specific to your area and will hopefully give you a few different options for support so you can pick what you feel suits best. Best of luck. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kejan Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Absolutely agree, Gareth. Credit to everyone for posting their thoughts, and good wishes to all for the year. A very interesting thread. It never fails to amaze me the amount of shíte people have to put up with at work. I'm probably a simple man, but how the hell can't folk who will be working together for 8 hrs a day and possibly a long time not just get along? A horrible work place can absolutely ruin your life. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayrmad Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 15 hours ago, Adam said: I sometimes can't help but feel that I've totally fucked my life. I can't see me ever owning a house, I basically live from one wage to the next and after my last two relationships, I genuinely doubt I will ever be with someone and be able to trust them. Whether you've fucked up your life or not is immaterial, it's the emotion you're attaching to your past, present and future that appears to be the problem. If I look at where I am and where I feel I could have been then I could feel that I've fucked my life up numerous times, I genuinely have no regrets in life, many of the better things in my life wouldn't have happened if the f**k-ups preceding them hadn't happened. 14 hours ago, Adam said: Just one of these things really. Think I'm just going to stay single, but then I don't really enjoy my own company that much and if I have nothing to do, such as swimming or have the kids, or see friends, I end up in the pub or sitting on my own feeling shite about everything. I spent every waking minute looking for excuses to leave the house, now it's the opposite, I only leave the house when I need to and I like my own company as much as I like the company of others. 3 hours ago, Adam said: No, it's not something I've ever done or ever will do, but they're extremely vivid and lifelike at times. I was more trying to find out if you were reliving your past through your dreams as I was an expert at selling my soul, I don't give it a seconds thought now that I've analysed my motives, character etc and dealt with some of the flaws. I don't know much about depression or similar but you really need to see someone who does, a serious look into self analysis and self improvement(a lot harder than people think) to take you forward won't go amiss either. Good luck 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theo Snelders Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 (edited) 8 hours ago, Adam said: Hi Adam, Obviously I've not met you in person so don't know for sure- but these sound like trauma based nightmares. I have had similar myself, a result of extreme pain in relationships. I don't suggest that pain was inflicted on you deliberately, but it's pain none the less. In common with others, I'd urge you to see your GP and tell them everything, even if it sounds (to you) that you're being irrational. Happy for you to DM me if you feel it'd help. Edited January 14, 2017 by Theo Snelders 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 22 hours ago, Adam said: I sometimes can't help but feel that I've totally fucked my life. I can't see me ever owning a house, I basically live from one wage to the next and after my last two relationships, I genuinely doubt I will ever be with someone and be able to trust them. I've got a pretty good job, I earn enough that I can afford to live on my own in a nice house with my children and have some money to spend on a night out or whatever. I know that there are people in situations that are a million times worse than mine, so instantly I feel guilty that I am upset and angry at how my life has turned out. Just to say that it's only really the British who equate worthiness with owning property. Most normal people rent. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandarilla Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Just to say that it's only really the British who equate worthiness with owning property. Most normal people rent. Fully agree with this. The media narrative of 'housing ladder' is fucking awful. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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