Depression

[V.Aye.R]

On 03/12/2021 at 00:27, V.Aye.R said:

Have been struggling the past few weeks. 

My daughter was born just over a week ago and in Intensive Care currently. She'll be OK but its been an absolute roller-coaster juggling it all. 

Dizzy spells, weight loss, anxiety, tears, nosebleeds etc. 

Got some good news over the past few days on progress and the above symptoms disappeared almost straight away thankfully. 

Just a reminder that things can go from Calm to Crazy without warning. Hope everyone is doing ok out there, I'll come out of this a different guy for sure. 

 

Hope everyone is doing well. Small update from me. 

Wee one still in ICU but doing well. We might even get home soon but thats secondary to her progress. 

Easy to feel down but there's plenty of parents either side of us who would swap seats with us. Some real heartbreaking stuff you see people going through. Life just trundles on work wise etc, a bizarre existence. 

Nearly 3 months in here. The staff are amazing, anyone from the Surgeons to the cleaner who knows us by name and comes to say Hi. 

God bless them all. 

[scottsdad]

I had an unexpectedly bad day yesterday.

Went to Alloa to visit my parents. My dad has been in poor health for about a year now, but yesterday he was extremely bad. Could barely get out of his chair, sitting struggling for breath. Hardly able to speak. He went to make breakfast for my son - something he likes to do when we go through - and passed it over to my mum after 2 minutes. He couldn't stand up for even that long. He looks so ill, so thin, white as a sheet. 

Add to that, my mum told me she had been to the hospital during the week getting biopsies taken. Caught me by total surprise. Now she has to wait 4 weeks for the results. 

I managed to smile my way through the visit, and on the way home with the kids. When I got in, my wife (who didn't come as she is doing coursework at the weekends) looked at me and asked what was wrong. I just burst into tears. So utterly unable to help them. 

[Jinky67]

On 30/01/2022 at 12:08, DA Baracus said:

Having big anxiety about having to go back to the fucking office. It's 'hybrid', but unfortunately means 3 days a week in the office. I despise the office.

Before I started working from home, I was so burned out and so ridden with anxiety, totally exhausted mentally. I felt trapped, that I was going to be stuck working in a job that bored me for life. I had just had to give up an Open University degree attempt (third failed attempt at university after Abertay and Aberdeen) as I was just destroyed mentally and couldn't commit my mind to it. In addition, I felt like I had no time for myself as was getting home just after 18.00 each night. I was on the verge and was really starting to have some pretty dark thoughts, as I could only see one way out (doing myself in, in case that wasn't clear).

Then I got to work from home. Suddenly, it felt like a massive weight had been lifted from me. I could breathe again, for the first time in ages. Things weren't perfect of course, but gradually I made huge progression with my mental health. I was sleeping better (helped that I didn't have to get up as early) and feeling so much better in general. I was feeling ready, and able, to tackle other issues in my life and start working towards being me again (been many, many years since I was). It's been over a year since I last self harmed. It's been nearly two years since I last took out a payday loan. I have been getting better with my finances and think I might actually end February with some money saved from my wage (first time in my adult life, even though it will be a small sum). I only have a year left on my stupid debt arrangement scheme. I recently joined a programme to help me with my physical health.

But now, the anxiety is ramping back up and I'm feeling really despondent and down about it, all because of this nonsense of having to work in a fucking bullshit c**t office. It makes me really angry, as there is zero need for me to be in there (every single part of my job can be done from home, or anywhere else), and this anger is also adding to making me feel shit. I've spoken with them (my work) about it and they aren't budging. 

Working in an office is garbage. First, they are stealing my time with the commute. It's a significant pay cut in real terms when you take that in to account and the costs of travelling, work clothes (annoys me that I can't wear what I want) etc. The office is always roasting and just a massively uncomfortable place to be. They don't even have water available. But having less time for myself is the worst. It just feels like a never ending cycle of work/sleep/work.

I feel trapped again. I don't have any qualifications, so getting a job is difficult for me. I could start the Open University degree again (was thinking about doing so later in the year), but I can't last the time it would take to complete it. Desperately been looking for a remote/working from home job, but having no luck. 

I feel like I'm losing everything I worked hard to get, and feel like I'm starting to slide down the slope again. Dark thoughts are invading my mind again, and I fear they'll just get stronger. I'm starting to panic here and I can't see a solution, and worry that the whispers in the back of my mind will become more insistent and more appealing.

 

Hi DA 

Sorry to hear you are suffering in this way, I have quite a bit of experience in managing people back to work in a hybrid model and your feelings aren’t uncommon. From an employers point of view most big companies have suffered by ways of attrition, increase in absence due to mental health deterioration or employees who have felt isolated during the lockdown etc etc hence why the hybrid model seems to give the best compromise

We have implemented a hybrid model of 2 days in the office, 1 day chosen by the employee and 1 day chosen by the business based on historical grades of service however have had some success in helping some employees secure a reduction in days or a permanent wfh option.

Do you have an Occupational Health department? If so I would suggest asking to be referred and do this as part of a flexible working application clearly stating the reasons why and give careful thought as to how you wfh will impact your colleagues/business as business only have a few specific reasons to reject this and it usually comes down to inability to meet demand, being unmanaged etc etc. 

Good luck and if you need any help with that give me a pm 

[Stellaboz]

More companies need to relax their office working terms. It's stupid in modern times that anyone should be forced into the office if it doesn't suit them, unless there is an absolute need to have them there. I believe this is not the case here at all. 

The UK is far, far behind in general of countries like Germany and Sweden where more and more companies are allowing more flexibility to it's employees in terms of WFH. Firms like trivago invest heavily into the office space to encourage more people not only to come to the office more (if they wish) but to stay after hours playing games, doing sports or whatever. I'm trying to encourage my own company to do this more. 

[Sergeant Wilson]

1 hour ago, Stellaboz said:

More companies need to relax their office working terms. It's stupid in modern times that anyone should be forced into the office if it doesn't suit them, unless there is an absolute need to have them there. I believe this is not the case here at all. 

The UK is far, far behind in general of countries like Germany and Sweden where more and more companies are allowing more flexibility to it's employees in terms of WFH. Firms like trivago invest heavily into the office space to encourage more people not only to come to the office more (if they wish) but to stay after hours playing games, doing sports or whatever. I'm trying to encourage my own company to do this more. 

Dear God, please no!

[Stellaboz]

6 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

Dear God, please no!

Haha I know it sounds awful, but it worked. 

[thistledo]

4 hours ago, scottsdad said:

I had an unexpectedly bad day yesterday.

Went to Alloa to visit my parents. My dad has been in poor health for about a year now, but yesterday he was extremely bad. Could barely get out of his chair, sitting struggling for breath. Hardly able to speak. He went to make breakfast for my son - something he likes to do when we go through - and passed it over to my mum after 2 minutes. He couldn't stand up for even that long. He looks so ill, so thin, white as a sheet. 

Add to that, my mum told me she had been to the hospital during the week getting biopsies taken. Caught me by total surprise. Now she has to wait 4 weeks for the results. 

I managed to smile my way through the visit, and on the way home with the kids. When I got in, my wife (who didn't come as she is doing coursework at the weekends) looked at me and asked what was wrong. I just burst into tears. So utterly unable to help them. 

That's hard going mate, fingers crossed for positive news from the biopsy. Don't know the issues with your dad, assuming it's not something that's recoverable. You may not be able to help, but just a visit is something I'd imagine they were very pleased about. Have to tell myself this a lot, that you can't fix everything, you just do what you can.

[scottsdad]

2 minutes ago, thistledo said:

That's hard going mate, fingers crossed for positive news from the biopsy. Don't know the issues with your dad, assuming it's not something that's recoverable. You may not be able to help, but just a visit is something I'd imagine they were very pleased about. Have to tell myself this a lot, that you can't fix everything, you just do what you can.

Thanks,

With my dad it's more a culmination of health issues than a single one. He has a lung condition that is degenerative and only gets worse, diabetes, eye problems, heart problems and more besides. Such a huge change in the last year or so as these things have all caught up with him. The last few weeks I have visited he has seemed not too bad. But the contrast from last week to this week was just such a shock. That and my mum's news made it a double shock for me. 

I known they enjoy the visits, especially with the kids. As my dad is largely housebound these days these visits are a highlight of the week. 

[energyzone]

Hope everyone is doing well. Small update from me. 
Wee one still in ICU but doing well. We might even get home soon but thats secondary to her progress. 
Easy to feel down but there's plenty of parents either side of us who would swap seats with us. Some real heartbreaking stuff you see people going through. Life just trundles on work wise etc, a bizarre existence. 
Nearly 3 months in here. The staff are amazing, anyone from the Surgeons to the cleaner who knows us by name and comes to say Hi. 
God bless them all. 

I missed it the first time round but many congratulations on your arrival. One day all the hard times will be a distant memory. Work was a good escape for me during the tough times but it must be hard on your partner if she's there all the time. All the best.

[V.Aye.R]

13 hours ago, scottsdad said:

I had an unexpectedly bad day yesterday.

Went to Alloa to visit my parents. My dad has been in poor health for about a year now, but yesterday he was extremely bad. Could barely get out of his chair, sitting struggling for breath. Hardly able to speak. He went to make breakfast for my son - something he likes to do when we go through - and passed it over to my mum after 2 minutes. He couldn't stand up for even that long. He looks so ill, so thin, white as a sheet. 

Add to that, my mum told me she had been to the hospital during the week getting biopsies taken. Caught me by total surprise. Now she has to wait 4 weeks for the results. 

I managed to smile my way through the visit, and on the way home with the kids. When I got in, my wife (who didn't come as she is doing coursework at the weekends) looked at me and asked what was wrong. I just burst into tears. So utterly unable to help them. 

Sorry to read this man. I watched my dad go through similar (with my grandparents) over a few years.

Similar to the making breakfast thing.... My gran went to plate up the food for us in the kitchen and did it perfectly (minus any plates). Was that telling moment for my dad and affected him badly.. 

My only advice is remember to take care of yourself as much as you are doing for others. Your other half sounds like a good support, its good to let it out once in a while. Keeping the mask on for the kids is tough. Fair play to you. 

[scottsdad]

9 hours ago, V.Aye.R said:

Sorry to read this man. I watched my dad go through similar (with my grandparents) over a few years.

Similar to the making breakfast thing.... My gran went to plate up the food for us in the kitchen and did it perfectly (minus any plates). Was that telling moment for my dad and affected him badly.. 

My only advice is remember to take care of yourself as much as you are doing for others. Your other half sounds like a good support, its good to let it out once in a while. Keeping the mask on for the kids is tough. Fair play to you. 

Thanks. 

On the last point, my wife said to me "the kids aren't dumb, they will know something is up".  So I broached the subject with them, gently saying that they both saw how ill Grandpa had been and he might be like that a bit more in future. And that if they wanted to talk about it, they could speak to me or their mum. 

So far they haven't said anything, but I suspect my wife is right. They can't have failed to notice them or me on Sunday. 

[Raidernation]

Unfortunately had a huge relapse and total fuk-up in the last few weeks so tomorrow I’m back into residential rehab for at least a month (trust me looks nothing like the places they show on “Intervention”)

Wish me luck please!


(I’ll be on the Super Bowl thread tonight)

[sophia]

7 minutes ago, Raidernation said:

Wish me luck please!

I wish you the best.

Given your situation, I don't think you can trust to luck, so better than that, I wish you the best.

 

[BigBo10]

Unfortunately had a huge relapse and total fuk-up in the last few weeks so tomorrow I’m back into residential rehab for at least a month (trust me looks nothing like the places they show on “Intervention”)

Wish me luck please!


(I’ll be on the Super Bowl thread tonight)

Hope you work it out for the best mate.

[S7C]

On Velafaxine for anxiety. Felt like a zombie for the first 2 weeks. Have noticed a big difference this week in how I feel going into meetings and presentations, but weirdly I'm still trembling uncontrollably despite not having that pit of the stomach anxiety feeling.

[die hard doonhamer]

I’m not sure if this is the best place to post this, as I don’t think it’s depression, but I think I need some advice.
 

I feel very short tempered and irritable at the moment. I believe it’s down to circumstances (I’ve a couple of family members with health issues weighing on my mind, and one of my kids is having issues with a school bully) which are occupying my mind, but I’m getting frustrated as I feel like I’m taking it out on my family a bit and I don’t want that to be the case. Does anyone have any suggestions for getting on top of this? I’m fed up of flying off the handle and feeling shit about it afterwards. 

[thistledo]

14 hours ago, die hard doonhamer said:

I’m not sure if this is the best place to post this, as I don’t think it’s depression, but I think I need some advice.
 

I feel very short tempered and irritable at the moment. I believe it’s down to circumstances (I’ve a couple of family members with health issues weighing on my mind, and one of my kids is having issues with a school bully) which are occupying my mind, but I’m getting frustrated as I feel like I’m taking it out on my family a bit and I don’t want that to be the case. Does anyone have any suggestions for getting on top of this? I’m fed up of flying off the handle and feeling shit about it afterwards. 

Go through the same from time to time. So from personal experience, If you have them lift weights until you can barely lift your arms and legs or think about getting down the gym and battering f**k out a punchbag. Once you're feeling in good shape, get down and kick f**k out the bully's Da*

*Don't do this bit. 

Hope things improve either way. 

[Acon]

I’ve debated messaging on here a few times before and always thought it a stupid idea but I’m at a loss who I can talk to and feel I need to get stuff off my chest. I’ll probably not convey what I want to say properly and arguably this should go on the parenting thread, but here goes…

Wife and I had baby number 2 in January, and I’m really struggling with him right now. However I don’t feel I can really talk about it with Mrs. Acon about that because she’s the one with a big scar across her belly, the one in pain from the surgery she had to have and the one stuck under him about 20 hours a day due to the fact she’s breastfeeding and the baby is an absolute gannet. 

Not only that, but I genuinely feel like I don’t have any sort of feelings towards baby 2 and that’s seems fcuking mental considering how much I cherish our toddler. 

I dunno if it’s just because I’d forgotten a baby literally just shits n cries the now and I must’ve forgotten how that felt when it was toddler at that age, or just the fact there’s 2 of them to contend with now. 

I realise it’s probably compounded by the stressed of moving house at the end of March, being the sole earner now she’s only on statutory pay (especially considering she’s the higher earner) and the impending increases on household bills that we absolutely will not be able to afford. 

But I just get so angry and worked up at baby crying and it’s taking everything for me to compose myself and relax and help him. 

Like I literally told him to shut the fcuk up tonight and then hated myself for it because of how fucking stupid and mental that is. This tiny living thing that I’m meant to love and care for and I’m getting raging because god forbid he needs some attention. 

And yet when it comes to toddler I’ll shower him with hugs and kisses until he’s annoyed by me. 

 

I managed to get out with the dog for an hour tonight and it certainly helped to just get some fresh air and perspective, and I’m hoping pressing send on this will help too coz I’ve typed and deleted plenty of messages before and then struggled on with it. Just felt it had come to the fore and needed to express this time. 

 

Cheers

[welshbairn]

No advice to offer but keep walking the dog when you get the time. Nothing lasts forever and don't put yourself down when you're doing your best, and are aware of it when everything gets too much and you get it wrong. There's no such thing as a perfect Dad, the one's who try to get it right are as close as you get.

[sophia]

19 minutes ago, Acon said:

I’ve debated messaging on here a few times before and always thought it a stupid idea but I’m at a loss who I can talk to and feel I need to get stuff off my chest. I’ll probably not convey what I want to say properly and arguably this should go on the parenting thread, but here goes…

Wife and I had baby number 2 in January, and I’m really struggling with him right now. However I don’t feel I can really talk about it with Mrs. Acon about that because she’s the one with a big scar across her belly, the one in pain from the surgery she had to have and the one stuck under him about 20 hours a day due to the fact she’s breastfeeding and the baby is an absolute gannet. 

Not only that, but I genuinely feel like I don’t have any sort of feelings towards baby 2 and that’s seems fcuking mental considering how much I cherish our toddler. 

I dunno if it’s just because I’d forgotten a baby literally just shits n cries the now and I must’ve forgotten how that felt when it was toddler at that age, or just the fact there’s 2 of them to contend with now. 

I realise it’s probably compounded by the stressed of moving house at the end of March, being the sole earner now she’s only on statutory pay (especially considering she’s the higher earner) and the impending increases on household bills that we absolutely will not be able to afford. 

But I just get so angry and worked up at baby crying and it’s taking everything for me to compose myself and relax and help him. 

Like I literally told him to shut the fcuk up tonight and then hated myself for it because of how fucking stupid and mental that is. This tiny living thing that I’m meant to love and care for and I’m getting raging because god forbid he needs some attention. 

And yet when it comes to toddler I’ll shower him with hugs and kisses until he’s annoyed by me. 

 

I managed to get out with the dog for an hour tonight and it certainly helped to just get some fresh air and perspective, and I’m hoping pressing send on this will help too coz I’ve typed and deleted plenty of messages before and then struggled on with it. Just felt it had come to the fore and needed to express this time. 

 

Cheers

Spring is near and Summer will be easier for you, your family and especially your wife who is nourishing your baby son.

The trying days will pass and in the meantime share all your love with your beautiful wee team.