GordonD Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 If we're mining the Bruce Forsyth joke book... I went to the doctor and said, "I think I'm a pair of curtains." He said, "Oh, pull yourself together!" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Steele Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 (edited) I think I'm a moth. Why tell me? This is a shoe shop. Dunno. Your light was on. Edited January 16, 2020 by The Skelpit Lug 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said, "That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas." 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Knock, knock. Who's there? Yodelay hee. Yodelay hee who? I like your yodeling! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 3 hours ago, G_Man1985 said: Knock, knock. Who's there? Yodelay hee. Yodelay hee who? I like your yodeling! A little old lady. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 19 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: A little old lady. That's the version I heard. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 Can’t believe I’ve just been blocked by Gary Barlow!Whatever I said whatever I did I didn’t mean it!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 "My brother Andrew would love to meet you." 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 (edited) 13 hours ago, BillyAnchor said: The Sex Pistols? (alledgedly)? The Damned (they were)? Edited January 24, 2020 by Old Diamond 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 51 minutes ago, Old Diamond said: The Sex Pistols? (alledgedly)? The Damned (they were)? Never mind the bollocks. I'll guess that you've never heard of The Dead Kennedys. Or is that a whoosh? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The DA Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 20 hours ago, Bishop Briggs said: "My brother Andrew would love to meet you." Andrew isn't a very Swedish name. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 4 hours ago, The DA said: Andrew isn't a very Swedish name. What do you call a Swedish Dunfermline fan who needs Viagra? Anders Limp Par 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 21 hours ago, The DA said: Andrew isn't a very Swedish name. But Greta doesn't have a brother. Her sister is called Beata Thunberg! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 On 23/01/2020 at 16:39, Bishop Briggs said: "My brother Andrew would love to meet you." I am assuming she is some sort of vegan and wouldn't even go for pizza in Woking. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 4 minutes ago, BillyAnchor said: I am assuming she is some sort of vegan and wouldn't even go for pizza in Woking. Wee Greta is a vegan. She says that meat is stealing her future. No one with any taste (not even those who live in tacky Woking) would go to Pizza Express now. Not only do they have dodgy customers, their pizzas are soggy crap with hardly any toppings. If you want to date Miss Thunberg, you should think of some where better to take her. Do they have vegan options in Munns? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 Was a bit worried when my local Chinese restaurant's delivery man arrived in his new uniform. Sweet and sour bat has been taken off the menu. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 4 hours ago, Bishop Briggs said: Wee Greta is a vegan. She says that meat is stealing her future. No one with any taste (not even those who live in tacky Woking) would go to Pizza Express now. Not only do they have dodgy customers, their pizzas are soggy crap with hardly any toppings. If you want to date Miss Thunberg, you should think of some where better to take her. Do they have vegan options in Munns? To be honest I'd be scared to ask in Munns. Would be like asking for a half pint of shandy. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey Tennis Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 On 24/01/2020 at 12:28, Bishop Briggs said: Never mind the bollocks. I'll guess that you've never heard of The Dead Kennedys. Or is that a whoosh? Surely a whoosh? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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