tamthebam Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 On 07/06/2020 at 16:27, welshbairn said: What does a priest like better than a good conundrum? A good nun under him. (Brendan Behan joke, here's another) If Ireland was inhabited by the Dutch it would be the garden of Europe. And if Holland was inhabited by the Irish they'd all be drowned. (It's the way he tells them!) I think he nicked the second one off Otto Von Bismarck whose solution to the Irish question was to swap the Dutch and the Irish. The Dutch being sober and hard working, said Otto, would make a success of the land. The Irish would fight among themselves, not maintain the dykes (steady) and drown. Not funny but historical 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 2 minutes ago, tamthebam said: I think he nicked the second one off Otto Von Bismarck whose solution to the Irish question was to swap the Dutch and the Irish. The Dutch being sober and hard working, said Otto, would make a success of the land. The Irish would fight among themselves, not maintain the dykes (steady) and drown. Not funny but historical Nothing worse than a joke explained. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 Had a painter and decorator doing some work at the weekend, turns out he’s a furloughed airline pilot. He made a great job of the landing. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 13 hours ago, Bishop Briggs said: Completely unrealistic. The ref's shirt is too close in colour to the defending team so he'd have been made to change it before kick-off. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 13 minutes ago, GordonD said: Completely unrealistic. The ref's shirt is too close in colour to the defending team so they'd have been made to change them before kick-off. ftfy 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 23 hours ago, GordonD said: Completely unrealistic. The ref's shirt is too close in colour to the defending team so he'd have been made to change it before kick-off. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustOneCornetto Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 I have a rare type of amnesia which means I can't remember any 1980s bands. Seemingly there's no cure!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catweasel Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiepiemuncher Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 Just phoned my local B&Q and asked how big the queue is. “Same size as the B” was the response. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustOneCornetto Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 Was going to crack a joke about sodium but then I thought, na you won't get it. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
topcat(The most tip top) Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 From my local FB group 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glaswegian copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education then any Scots cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!! Glasgow cop says, " Licence and insurance, please." London Lawyer says, "What for?" Glasgow cop says, "Ye did nae come to a complete stop at the stop sign." London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming" Glasgow cop says, "Ye still did nae come to a complete stop. Licence and insurance, Please Sir. London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huv te to come to complete stop, that's the law, Licence and insurance, please!" London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and insurance; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." The London Lawyer exits his vehicle. The Glasgow cop takes out his truncheon and starts beating the crap out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 There's a part of me wants to ask a question but feel it's more appropriate in Sick Jokes/may be "too soon"... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 On 16/06/2020 at 12:12, topcat(The most tip top) said: From my local FB group BLM! (Bobby's Life Matters) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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