Dan Steele Posted August 20, 2020 Share Posted August 20, 2020 On 19/08/2020 at 06:38, NewBornBairn said: "Nom de plume" means "I am going to eat this plum". "Nom nom nom de plume" means "I really enjoyed that plum". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted August 20, 2020 Share Posted August 20, 2020 While we're on honking old Two Ronnies jokes: A hole has appeared in the fence around a Brighton nudist camp Police are looking into it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 A lorry carrying wigs has overturned on the m90.Police are combing the area. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 Robbers made off with a cement mixer, police are looking for 2 hardened criminals. Spoiler They just need to look in @Melanius Mullarkey's drive imo. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The DA Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 2 hours ago, johnnydun said: Robbers made off with a cement mixer, police are looking for 2 hardened criminals. Hide contents They just need to look in @Melanius Mullarkey's drive imo. Robbers made off with a chemist's stock of Viagra. Police are looking... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nkomo-A-Gogo Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 Man goes to the doctors and says " I keep making pig noises". Doctor says "how long has this been happening?" Man says "about three WEEEEEKS" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 Guy goes to the docs and says he keeps making cowboy noises.Doc asks how long has this been happening?He says about a YEEEEHAR 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 Same guy goes to the doctor with a tree, some flowers and small lake growing on his face. Docs says "dont worry about it, its just a beauty spot" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 Why does he call you donky? Eeeaww eeeaww eeeawwlways calls me that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 Police spot a drunk man staggering across a field at 3am. They stop him and ask “where are you going at this time?”He says “i am heading to a lecture on alcohol and the social effects and impact of the family environment”Police ask him “who’s giving that lecture at this time of the morning?”Man replies “my wife” 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 15 hours ago, tamthebam said: While we're on honking old Two Ronnies jokes: A hole has appeared in the fence around a Brighton nudist camp Police are looking into it. The Phoenix Nights Version - POLICE PROBE LEEDS GIRLS SNATCH...CAN YOU HELP?! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 Wife asks "can you please stop yawning everytime I'm talking to you?" Husband: " I'm Not yawning, I'm trying to say something!" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 I Just watched my dog chase his tail for five minutes, and thought "wow, dugs are easily amused". Then I realised....I just sat and watched my dog chase his tail for five minutes! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenkay Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 My daughter has fallen out with her boyfriend after seeing him packing washing powder on to shelves in Tesco's. She said: You told me you were a stunt pilot? He says: No. I said I was part of the Ariel display team! 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiepiemuncher Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiepiemuncher Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 Guy goes to the doctor and says he can't help talking like a pirate. Doctor: How long has it been going on? Man: Oh, it's only just stAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRted. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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