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Police spot a drunk man staggering across a field at 3am. They stop him and ask “where are you going at this time?”
He says “i am heading to a lecture on alcohol and the social effects and impact of the family environment”
Police ask him “who’s giving that lecture at this time of the morning?”
Man replies “my wife”

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15 hours ago, tamthebam said:

While we're on honking old Two Ronnies jokes:

A hole has appeared in the fence around a Brighton nudist camp

Police are looking into it.

The Phoenix Nights Version - POLICE PROBE LEEDS GIRLS SNATCH...CAN YOU HELP?!

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My daughter has fallen out with her boyfriend after seeing him packing washing  powder on to shelves in Tesco's.

She said:  You told me you were a stunt pilot?

He says:  No. I said I was part of the Ariel display team!

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