WeAreElgin Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Save on toilet roll by having a shite in the shower Don't they call that a waffle stomp? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Get more active sex by whispering your wife's sisters name in her ear during sex. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a1974h Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Save yourself some money. Instead of buying chewing gum, just use toothpaste and an elastic band. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 Get free nationwide advertising for your business by setting it up beside an accident / traffic jam blackspot. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 Homeless people, save up for a house by stopping smoking and getting rid of the dug. Restaurant owners, if you're trying to tempt customers in, don't give a placard to a tramp. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 After wandering into a pub full of angry looking Rangers supporters - do not say "Hey this is great. I am an old firm supporter too!" (Actually if it was a pub full of angry looking Celtic supporters - it might not be a good idea either). 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a1974h Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 Eradicate racism On planet earth by wiping out all races apart from one 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ebbes20silkcut Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 Experience the thrill of watching rallying as if live , in the comfort of your own home. By sitting with your feet in the freezer, and inviting your neighbours round to throw gravel in your face. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grim O'Grady Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 If you close your eyes whilst watching television it brings the feel of the radio without having to switch off the tele & go & switch on the radio. Grimbo -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ya Bezzer! Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 Avoid biting your nails by keeping a detached manikin's hand close by and then nibbling on its fingers instead. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grim O'Grady Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 .. Aw c'mon Bairny, what was it, I can't sleep now? Grimbo 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 When removing a wasps dyke from your loft, smother yourself in a layer of raspberry jam for added protection against wasp stings. Oh blast, I only have apricot jam. Will that do? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deeboy Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 When removing a wasps dyke from your loft, smother yourself in a layer of raspberry jam for added protection against wasp stings. Ah, the ol' Jamboy route. A much maligned favourite past time of our ancestors. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 Football clubs: avoid becoming a complete laughing stock by not pretending all your football players were assaulted in a catholic conspiracy and release fair and balanced club statements on your official website. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black and White Tragic Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 Bring back memories of being 8 years old by having all your body hair waxed off including your scrotal region. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 When removing a wasps dyke from your loft, smother yourself in a layer of raspberry jam for added protection against wasp stings. Haw, less of that. We've been nothing but complimentary about your missus. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Bairn Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 Avoid being accused of "heads gone" in the match thread of the recent Scottish cup final by staging a Friday night meltdown in other threads instead 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 When driving and your petrol gauge is running low, just drive faster to your destination. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 I wouldn't change the hilarious viewing for the world! I have to admit I'm in tears of laughter at reading some of ra peepul on their messageboards. Now they want Hibs to organise a runners-up medal ceremony for them as compensation. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 When driving and your petrol gauge is running low, just drive faster to your destination. Fuel increases don't affect me cos I just put a tenner in each time. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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