Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

[NJ2]

Me: Drops old plate on kitchen floor.
Angry wife appears: What kind of plate did you break? Was it one of the new patterned ones?
Me: No, just an old basic pink one. And watch your bare feet, there are still shards on the floor. 
Angry wife: Was it a new patterned plate?
Me: No, an old pink one. And please watch you feet. 
Angry wife: Was it a new patterned plate. Why are you being such a grouchy fucker? 
 
----
I might as well talk to the kettle.

SP: FOR f**k SAKE, for a fourth fucking time it was NOT one of the new fucking patterned plates but by f**k I wish it was because they’re fucking shite. Now f**k off. (Internally, obviously)

[Dee Man]

4 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

Me: Drops old plate on kitchen floor.

Angry wife appears: What kind of plate did you break? Was it one of the new patterned ones?

Me: No, just an old basic pink one. And watch your bare feet, there are still shards on the floor. 

Angry wife: Was it a new patterned plate?

Me: No, an old pink one. And please watch you feet. 

Angry wife: Was it a new patterned plate. Why are you being such a grouchy fucker? 

 

----

I might as well talk to the kettle.

So was it one of the patterned plates then?

[KnightswoodBear]

4 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

Me: Drops old plate on kitchen floor.

Angry wife appears: What kind of plate did you break? Was it one of the new patterned ones?

Me: No, just an old basic pink one. And watch your bare feet, there are still shards on the floor. 

Angry wife: Was it a new patterned plate?

Me: No, an old pink one. And please watch you feet. 

Angry wife: Was it a new patterned plate. Why are you being such a grouchy fucker? 

 

----

I might as well talk to the kettle.

f**k sake, mate.  Why did you break one of her new patterned plates? 

[Miguel Sanchez]

6 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

Me: Drops old plate on kitchen floor.

Angry wife appears: What kind of plate did you break? Was it one of the new patterned ones?

Me: No, just an old basic pink one. And watch your bare feet, there are still shards on the floor. 

Angry wife: Was it a new patterned plate?

Me: No, an old pink one. And please watch you feet. 

Angry wife: Was it a new patterned plate. Why are you being such a grouchy fucker? 

 

----

I might as well talk to the kettle.

I didn't know your wife was blind. What a selfless man you are.

[MuckleMoo]

A life saver, how ? Dosnt take long to wash the dishes and dry them and put them away.

Takes longer than loading and unloading a dish washer

[MuckleMoo]

Yip, total laziness! Maybe I should have said time saver instead? That better? Or did you honestly think I was being literal?

[MONKMAN]

I’d rather be dead than wash dishes.

[19QOS19]

We got a dishwasher when we put in the new kitchen. An utterly glorious invention. I imagine some folk won't empty it but 5 minutes of unloading is a sacrifice well worth it to not have to wash them by hand.

[NJ2]

Yip, total laziness! Maybe I should have said time saver instead? That better? Or did you honestly think I was being literal?

He’s off his tits on irn-bru (most likely)

[MuckleMoo]

I’d rather be dead than wash dishes.

Told you@G_Man1985 ! It's a fucking life saver

[Sergeant Wilson]

3 hours ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

I didn't know your wife was blind. What a selfless man you are.

I had an idea she might be. I bet she wishes she was deaf as well rather than listening him and his stupid dug.

[Shandon Par]

16 hours ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

I had an idea she might be. I bet she wishes she was deaf as well rather than listening him and his stupid dug.

She loves that dog. She's blind without her glasses. Don't think she's deaf but she has a talent for filtering out anything I say. 

Edited November 23, 2017 by Shandon Par

[coprolite]

It's only a small thing, but she puts the cutlery in the drying basket the wrong way up.

Can any lawyers advise whether this is grounds for divorce?

[Shandon Par]

3 hours ago, coprolite said:

It's only a small thing, but she puts the cutlery in the drying basket the wrong way up.

Can any lawyers advise whether this is grounds for divorce?

Very formal of you. Starter cutlery on the outer edges of the drainer?

59 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Restacking the dishwasher because "it doesnt look right".

Knock yourself out hen and fill it yourself then. 

I'm with your missus here. My wife just opens the dishwasher door and horses everything in. Usually need to wash half the stuff again if she has been left to it, plus she doesn't scrape off food etc so it has a big pile of boiled food, cat food/debris etc at the drain/filter. 

[Shandon Par]

4 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Say hi from me and tell her Im away to the pub.

 

Your dishes will be immaculate when you get back. 

[Homer Thompson]

3 hours ago, coprolite said:

It's only a small thing, but she puts the cutlery in the drying basket the wrong way up.

Can any lawyers advise whether this is grounds for divorce?

How is that even possible? Who would hold the dirty end and put it in handle up?

1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Restacking the dishwasher because "it doesnt look right".

Knock yourself out hen and fill it yourself then. 

There is, clearly, a correct way to stack the dishwasher.

[Shandon Par]

6 minutes ago, Mr X said:

How is that even possible? Who would hold the dirty end and put it in handle up?

There is, clearly, a correct way to stack the dishwasher.

Of course there is. He's a savage. 

[heedthebaa]

My missus has only stacked it once, it stopped working so I took it out, stripped it to bits and found a chicken bone jammed in the pump, clarty fucker what she is

[nsr]

My wife always responds "It might do!" when I point out that the laws of mathematics and physics won't allow the terrible catastrophe she is prophesying.

[Gaz FFC]

Glad it's not just my wife who is far too lazy to do even small tasks.

I feel a thread coming on for laziest b*****d wife. Not convinced this 1 cuts it.