things you arent so proud of

[NJ2]

I maintain that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a go on the bouncy castle every now and then.
It's going back for seconds (and in my case third's and fourth's) that's the embarrasing bit.

Referring to throbbers Mrs as “the bouncy castle” is pretty harsh mate

[mrcat1990]

Like how this thread turned from a dark thread on 4chan into basically Nuts magazine. "FAT BURDS AND LAGER INNIT BOIZ!?"

[Kennboy1978]

Referring to throbbers Mrs as “the bouncy castle” is pretty harsh mate

@throbber - Do you still need to take your shoes off ?

[LondonHMFC]

13 hours ago, Am Featha *****h Nan Clach said:

I play 'words with friends' with my wife when we're both at work. I use an online word solver and win every time

Similarly when I used to go to my Nans, she would always play Countdown.  Used to always be looking online to get the biggest word. Played it cleverly though, would wait until the last few letters, before pipping up "buzz..... buzzy..... buzzingly, nine again, bloody hell I am doing well". She never clocked on.

As for bouncy castles, they had one at my Mrs cousins wedding last year, meant to be for the kids but of course adults got involved. The brides Mum went on after numerous glasses of gin and promptly took a fucking flyer which caused great amusement, her daughters were both laughing helping her up and she took the royal hump. Went and sat in her car and refused to get out. Missed the first dance and the cutting of the cake. Tremendous scenes that I often like to remind them about. 

[DA Baracus]

Are we still talking about the same kind of bouncy castles?

[KnightswoodBear]

7 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

Are we still talking about the same kind of bouncy castles?

No we are not.

[SlipperyP]

I've got 2.
Was staying in London for 2 week break with another Scottish friend, we both met up with our friend from Guildford and went out for the night. I pulled this lass in leopard skin trousers and we ended up an some unknown destitution. After my rumpy pumpy I was trying to make myself scares, the from door was locked and I asked the owner of said establishment to open the door. They refused and went back to bed. I pished all over their kitchen bunkers and left through the window.
2nd just happened yesterday had a bit of a mindfuck.
Here we have pump attendants to refuel the car. I just keep the car running while they danger their life entering the fuel. I paid and drove off. Thinking wtf did I just do. & Why didn't they tell me stop the engine.

[MONKMAN]

Me and a couple of mates sat and smoked crack at 5am with a homeless woman, who was sleeping on a doorstep in Amsterdam’s red light district.

[NJ2]

Me and a couple of mates sat and smoked crack at 5am with a homeless woman, who was sleeping on a doorstep in Amsterdam’s red light district.

At all related to your current ongoing health issues?

[Brother Blades]

Shat in a sock & hit a policewoman in the face with the “cosh”, or “Jobsh” as we called it.

Clipped a pensioner whilst drink driving, never stopped to see how she was, but drew into a back lane to check for damage to my bumper.

Was sick in a girls mouth at the Arches after a particularly strong pill.

[Dindeleux]

16 hours ago, jupe1407 said:

 

Shagging 

Similar to the earlier poster who shagged a fat mink, I can probably top that with two efforts. One was an ostensibly tidy bird who lived in St Marys (a less than salubrious scheme in Dundee). However she, as with the chubster, was a bit of a tink and her flat was a complete mess. Nonetheless, after a couple of drinks, we tidied up enough stuff off the settee upon which I duly shagged her. I ended up staying over, and pumped her again in a pretty stale-smelling bedroom. I wasn't in the least bit surprised when I got up for a desperate pish at 5:30am to walk in on her in full flow with a crack pipe. Not one of my finer moments. Neither was pumping her again the following week tbh. The second bird I'd pulled in Forfar. Went back to her flat, had a couple of drinks and a couple of joints and went for a pre-shag pish, just after she'd been in the bathroom for what turned out to be a epic dose of the shites. She hadn't even fucking flushed it. Still pumped her obvs.

 

7 hours ago, LondonHMFC said:

Similarly when I used to go to my Nans, she would always play Countdown.  Used to always be looking online to get the biggest word. Played it cleverly though, would wait until the last few letters, before pipping up "buzz..... buzzy..... buzzingly, nine again, bloody hell I am doing well". She never clocked on.

 

Only slightly related (and I am telling him the truth I suppose) but my papa has dementia and is in quite a bad state with it.  Usually when you visit he just stares blankly at you or talks nonsense.  Anyway he is a Rangers fan and yesterday must've been having quite a good day.  He asked me "whats happening with Rangers".  To which I simply replied "Rangers are dead mate, club went bust 6 years ago".  He looked quite sad but I don't want to mislead him.

Hopefully he remembers this because he certainly doesn't remember his wife dying.  Every time I go its "Hows your gran?" 

[Bairnardo]

Only slightly related (and I am telling him the truth I suppose) but my papa has dementia and is in quite a bad state with it.  Usually when you visit he just stares blankly at you or talks nonsense.  Anyway he is a Rangers fan and yesterday must've been having quite a good day.  He asked me "whats happening with Rangers".  To which I simply replied "Rangers are dead mate, club went bust 6 years ago".  He looked quite sad but I don't want to mislead him.
Hopefully he remembers this because he certainly doesn't remember his wife dying.  Every time I go its "Hows your gran?" 

I am quite glad, for your papas benefit, that he doesnt exist and your story didnt happen.

[Dindeleux]

4 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

9 minutes ago, Dindeleux said:

Only slightly related (and I am telling him the truth I suppose) but my papa has dementia and is in quite a bad state with it.  Usually when you visit he just stares blankly at you or talks nonsense.  Anyway he is a Rangers fan and yesterday must've been having quite a good day.  He asked me "whats happening with Rangers".  To which I simply replied "Rangers are dead mate, club went bust 6 years ago".  He looked quite sad but I don't want to mislead him.
Hopefully he remembers this because he certainly doesn't remember his wife dying.  Every time I go its "Hows your gran?" 

I am quite glad, for your papas benefit, that he doesnt exist and your story didnt happen.

Unlucky for you Bairn.

[microdave]

I love a shot on a bouncy castle. Whenever any of my nieces or nephews have one at their birthday parties, I'm usually the first one on it. Apart from once when there was a fucking bouncer to make sure the kids didn't get hurt and stop adults having a shot. I sat there absolutely seething!

[welshbairn]

10 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

15 minutes ago, Dindeleux said:

Only slightly related (and I am telling him the truth I suppose) but my papa has dementia and is in quite a bad state with it.  Usually when you visit he just stares blankly at you or talks nonsense.  Anyway he is a Rangers fan and yesterday must've been having quite a good day.  He asked me "whats happening with Rangers".  To which I simply replied "Rangers are dead mate, club went bust 6 years ago".  He looked quite sad but I don't want to mislead him.
Hopefully he remembers this because he certainly doesn't remember his wife dying.  Every time I go its "Hows your gran?" 

I am quite glad, for your papas benefit, that he doesnt exist and your story didnt happen.

I fucking hope so. My Dad used to ask "Who's that old woman" and didn't believe she could be his wife who he remembered as much younger. Talking about football and showing him pictures of 1960's players etc brought him back alive and telling stories. And he'd sometimes come out it and recognise his wife.

[Bairnardo]

Unlucky for you Bairn.

[Bairnardo]

 

... Wrong thread soz LOL x x x

[Dindeleux]

24 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

Of course I can't prove what did and didn't happen but lets look at the odds:

 

1. Old man has dementia (reasonably high I assume)
2. Old man from Kilwinning supports Rangers (95% probability)
3. Rangers died (100% fact)
4. Aliases making up lies to boast in front of other aliases online (would need to be a loser)

 

Cheers

[welshbairn]

1 minute ago, Dindeleux said:

Of course I can't prove what did and didn't happen but lets look at the odds:

 

1. Old man has dementia (reasonably high I assume)
2. Old man from Kilwinning supports Rangers (95% probability)
3. Rangers died (100% fact)
4. Aliases making up lies to boast in front of other aliases online (would need to be a loser)

 

Cheers

You should be flattered that @Bairnardo thinks you're better than that.

[Dindeleux]

28 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

I fucking hope so. My Dad used to ask "Who's that old woman" and didn't believe she could be his wife who he remembered as much younger. Talking about football and showing him pictures of 1960's players etc brought him back alive and telling stories. And he'd sometimes come out it and recognise his wife.

My papa had been in a nursing home for a couple of months and I was in sitting in his room with him watching TV.  This old woman burst in the room and started saying we need to help her get out to go save her kids from a fire (you never know if this could've happened and be the reason the woman is the way she is).   Anyway I did the real life version of the Steve Carell 'nodding my head whilst pushing her out using the door' gif and she was shouting, very loudly, "Damn you both to hell, DAMN YOU TO HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!"

When I got her out the room and I turned to him and asked if that had happened before.  He answered "Aye don't worry, your auntie Jan is absolutely mental".  He thought it was his sister.  From that point on I haven't felt quite as bad about his illness.

Its crazy how they can regress back to being children almost, they give them dolls and kids toys to play with in the home.  Yesterday he was playing with a bag of clothes pegs.