Oooooft Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 1 minute ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Ginger? Close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 Just watched Miss USA. The whiter than milk Miss Nebraska won it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 On 22/05/2018 at 04:09, Cerberus said: Just watched Miss USA. The whiter than milk Miss Nebraska won it. pics or.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsr Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 I did once physically throw myself out of a window in my home to avoid having to answer the door to a strange girl who was pursuing either me or my flatmate with romantic intentions. Never found out which. I think it turned out that it wasn't even her at the door anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 26 minutes ago, nsr said: I did once physically throw myself out of a window in my home to avoid having to answer the door to a strange girl who was pursuing either me or my flatmate with romantic intentions. Never found out which. I think it turned out that it wasn't even her at the door anyway. nsr trying to get away from his hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 On 22/05/2018 at 04:09, Cerberus said: Just watched Miss USA. The whiter than milk Miss Nebraska won it. 12 hours ago, tamthebam said: pics or.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsr Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 7 minutes ago, KnightswoodBear said: nsr trying to get away from his hole. That's me. I didn't know my flatmate had his camera rolling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 9 minutes ago, nsr said: That's me. I didn't know my flatmate had his camera rolling. Nice curtains* *not euph. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 8 hours ago, nsr said: I did once physically throw myself out of a window in my home to avoid having to answer the door to a strange girl who was pursuing either me or my flatmate with romantic intentions. Never found out which. I think it turned out that it wasn't even her at the door anyway. Everyone knows the best way to get rid of an amorous female is the McKee method of just pishing yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Am Featha Taigh Nan Clach Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 I play 'words with friends' with my wife when we're both at work. I use an online word solver and win every time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 42 minutes ago, Am Featha *****h Nan Clach said: I play 'words with friends' with my wife when we're both at work. I use an online word solver and win every time Things to be proud of thread for this excellent pish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 15 hours ago, nsr said: I did once physically throw myself out of a window in my home to avoid having to answer the door to a strange girl who was pursuing either me or my flatmate with romantic intentions. Never found out which. I think it turned out that it wasn't even her at the door anyway. Should have used the @SweeperDeemethod and when she announces that she wants it up the 9 darter, respond by grilling her on her leanings in the Independence referendum. 100% stonewall way to avoid sexual intercourse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 2 hours ago, Bairnardo said: 12 hours ago, nsr said: I did once physically throw myself out of a window in my home to avoid having to answer the door to a strange girl who was pursuing either me or my flatmate with romantic intentions. Never found out which. I think it turned out that it wasn't even her at the door anyway. Should have used the SweeperDee method and when she announces that she wants it up the 9 darter, respond by grilling her on her leanings in the Independence referendum. 100% stonewall way to avoid sexual intercourse. wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 12 hours ago, welshbairn said: wid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin_Nevis Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 Sharting About 2 years ago I climbed a mountain called Geal Charn in the Monadhliath on a perfect winters day. On the way up I'd had to dive into the disabled bog at Loch Faskally for a shite as the previous night's spicy pizza made itself known. Still, I felt relieved and duly began my walk. Shortly after summiting I started farting like f**k. Proper rippers, those satisfying fuckers that change tone twice. Anyway thankfully I hadn't seen a soul all day, until I bumped into a guy near the car park. He seemed quite keen to get away, I assumed because time was short etc. Back at the bunkhouse in Newtonmore I checked in, chatted to a couple of other folk then went for a shower, only to discover to my abject horror that my boxers were splattered with dried shite. After the most thorough shower in human history I committed the most shameful part of all and bagged them up to take home to wash the next day. Needless to say my bird was absolutely furious and they were binned forthwith. Shagging Similar to the earlier poster who shagged a fat mink, I can probably top that with two efforts. One was an ostensibly tidy bird who lived in St Marys (a less than salubrious scheme in Dundee). However she, as with the chubster, was a bit of a tink and her flat was a complete mess. Nonetheless, after a couple of drinks, we tidied up enough stuff off the settee upon which I duly shagged her. I ended up staying over, and pumped her again in a pretty stale-smelling bedroom. I wasn't in the least bit surprised when I got up for a desperate pish at 5:30am to walk in on her in full flow with a crack pipe. Not one of my finer moments. Neither was pumping her again the following week tbh. The second bird I'd pulled in Forfar. Went back to her flat, had a couple of drinks and a couple of joints and went for a pre-shag pish, just after she'd been in the bathroom for what turned out to be a epic dose of the shites. She hadn't even fucking flushed it. Still pumped her obvs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 On 21/05/2018 at 13:54, Dee Man said: The band 10CC got their name from the average male ejaculate. Except they didn't. It's a myth that did the rounds for years. I'm delighted that this isn't true as it's been making me feel inadequate for ages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 Last week I walked into a pub that seemed surprisingly busy with a rammed bar that had space all along the short side of it. Didn't appear to be a glass clearing area so I rocked up and waited there, only for some genuinely seething punter tell me to f*** off. I challenged him as to why, only to discover that the place was heaving due it being pub darts night and that I was standing right in front of the dartboard with a mob angrily mocking me. The "I think it would be best if you left son" from the barman signalled the first time I've been chucked out of a bar. Officially shamed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ah-dee Posted May 25, 2018 Author Share Posted May 25, 2018 Sharting About 2 years ago I climbed a mountain called Geal Charn in the Monadhliath on a perfect winters day. On the way up I'd had to dive into the disabled bog at Loch Faskally for a shite as the previous night's spicy pizza made itself known. Still, I felt relieved and duly began my walk. Shortly after summiting I started farting like f**k. Proper rippers, those satisfying fuckers that change tone twice. Anyway thankfully I hadn't seen a soul all day, until I bumped into a guy near the car park. He seemed quite keen to get away, I assumed because time was short etc. Back at the bunkhouse in Newtonmore I checked in, chatted to a couple of other folk then went for a shower, only to discover to my abject horror that my boxers were splattered with dried shite. After the most thorough shower in human history I committed the most shameful part of all and bagged them up to take home to wash the next day. Needless to say my bird was absolutely furious and they were binned forthwith. Shagging Similar to the earlier poster who shagged a fat mink, I can probably top that with two efforts. One was an ostensibly tidy bird who lived in St Marys (a less than salubrious scheme in Dundee). However she, as with the chubster, was a bit of a tink and her flat was a complete mess. Nonetheless, after a couple of drinks, we tidied up enough stuff off the settee upon which I duly shagged her. I ended up staying over, and pumped her again in a pretty stale-smelling bedroom. I wasn't in the least bit surprised when I got up for a desperate pish at 5:30am to walk in on her in full flow with a crack pipe. Not one of my finer moments. Neither was pumping her again the following week tbh. The second bird I'd pulled in Forfar. Went back to her flat, had a couple of drinks and a couple of joints and went for a pre-shag pish, just after she'd been in the bathroom for what turned out to be a epic dose of the shites. She hadn't even fucking flushed it. Still pumped her obvs. fine work jupe! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heedthebaa Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 “Those satisfying fuckers that change tone twice” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 I maintain that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a go on the bouncy castle every now and then. It's going back for seconds (and in my case third's and fourth's) that's the embarrasing bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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