Affairs

[Alert Mongoose]

A decent 'imagination based w**k' should, when done in peace, be suitable to sate any need to have an affair.

My wife once asked if I thought of her when I was having a w**k.  She didn't appreciate the answer.

Edited Tuesday at 14:08 by Alert Mongoose

[ICTChris]

6 minutes ago, Alert Mongoose said:

A decent 'imaginery w**k' should, when done in peace, be suitable to sate any need to have an affair.

My wife once asked if I thought of her when I was having a w**k.  She didn't appreciate the answer.

Is that your wife in your avatar? 

[MEADOWXI]

I've been the cheater and the one cheated on multiple times. It has taken a long time to learn but it just mental, three started with woman who were married, on one occasion moved in with them when hubby moved out, and once she got a new home and was pumping someone else before my cock was dry.

Had simpler affairs as well, some found out about, and the three when I was married never were.

Could tell stories that would curl your toes.

The stress and hassle of remembering multiple lies, and hiding phones and secrets.... Jeremy Kyle could have done a whole bloody series on me.

I've slowed, I'm wiser, I've learned, wouldn't say not to as people learn their lessons best by themselves.

Just remember that your life like a boat leaves a wake of waves that other folk have to deal with. Being a c**t ain't worth it in the end, bar some wild memories over a whisky in the dark.

[Alert Mongoose]

3 minutes ago, ICTChris said:

Is that your wife in your avatar? 

That's her sister. We don't talk about her.

[Granny Danger]

21 minutes ago, Florentine_Pogen said:

Not exactly the same but I've often wondered how those Mormon dudes with 4 wives & sets of kids do it. They must all have Ph.D's in project management.

If you have a Ph.D in project management you don’t get four wives.  You’re lucky if you lose your virginity.

 

[Florentine_Pogen]

13 minutes ago, Alert Mongoose said:

That's her sister. We don't talk about her.

But you fantasise about her when you're doing the five-knuckle-shuffle.

[eindhovendee]

1 hour ago, Swarley said:

100% this. Plus it's hard enough disappointing one woman in my experience, let alone multiple. 

I've never found it hard to disappoint a woman.

[alta-pete]

56 minutes ago, MEADOWXI said:

I've been the cheater and the one cheated on multiple times. It has taken a long time to learn but it just mental, three started with woman who were married, on one occasion moved in with them when hubby moved out, and once she got a new home and was pumping someone else before my cock was dry.

Had simpler affairs as well, some found out about, and the three when I was married never were.

Could tell stories that would curl your toes.

The stress and hassle of remembering multiple lies, and hiding phones and secrets.... Jeremy Kyle could have done a whole bloody series on me.

I've slowed, I'm wiser, I've learned, wouldn't say not to as people learn their lessons best by themselves.

Just remember that your life like a boat leaves a wake of waves that other folk have to deal with. Being a c**t ain't worth it in the end, bar some wild memories over a whisky in the dark.

^^^ and the award for Pie and Bovril Top Shagger goes to…

[jimbaxters]

2 hours ago, Ross. said:

There’s also the small matter of everything costing several times more than it should simply because the word “Wedding” was mentioned and everyone involved adjusted their quote upwards accordingly.

I knew a guy who booked a hotel function room for his wedding but told the hotel it was for "a family celebration" and got it for a fraction of the price. The manager went ape when they turned up in the wedding gear. Takes some bottle to do but fair play to him.

[Granny Danger]

1 hour ago, eindhovendee said:

I've never found it hard to disappoint a woman.

Have you disappointed her by it not being hard?

[Florentine_Pogen]

3 minutes ago, Granny Danger said:

Have you disappointed her by it not being hard?

[BFTD]

2 hours ago, alta-pete said:

This conversation has taken a bit of turn into the cul de sac of merits or otherwise of marriage vs cohabiting. 

Somebody must have better stories about their philandering boss getting caught with the wee durty from accounts six months after they both mysteriously made an early exit from the Christmas party, Shirley? 

Christmas do at a fancy hotel. We're all staying overnight. One of my (married) colleagues went to chap up one of the sales boys for breakfast and came back to the table agog that one of the (married) receptionists answered his door wrapped in a towel. Was company gossip for a while until it turned out that both were in open relationships. People actually seemed a bit disappointed there'd be no drama.

I heard that the previous year had been particularly spicy, to the point that it was the last time they had an open bar. A new young director drove up for the occasion and met everyone for the first time. One of my colleagues admitted that she got utterly trousered and woke up naked in his bed the next morning. She didn't think anything had happened between them, but she did find out that he had shagged a couple of the other lassies that night. Everyone knew about it and his card was marked with the (older) existing board members from that point.

['WellDel]

Worked many years ago in a factory which expanded quite quickly and it was common for employees to get friends and family members a start, including numerous couples. 

One of the married guys who played 5's regularly with us got caught dipping a wife which wasn't his and when it all came out the two couples split. The two jilted partners then rather weirdly took up together afterwards. Not the standard kind of wife swapping I've heard of before, but then again, it was in Larkhall..

[Ross.]

38 minutes ago, jimbaxters said:

I knew a guy who booked a hotel function room for his wedding but told the hotel it was for "a family celebration" and got it for a fraction of the price. The manager went ape when they turned up in the wedding gear. Takes some bottle to do but fair play to him.

Worked in hospitality for years, and have a lot of friends and family who are in the “entertainment” sector so to speak, DJ’s, bands, cabaret etc.

First question when someone enquirers about a booking is “What’s the occasion” and depending on who, where and when, you are looking at anything from 3x to 10x the standard rate.

Fair play to the boy for avoiding the mark up.

[Hedgecutter]

Knew a guy up north who was cheating on his then-girlfriend with her 'identical' twin sister (very similar, but you tell one from the other fairly instantly) who came up to do some seasonal work as a barmaid with her.

They got rumbled rather quickly in a village rammed with Isa Drennan-like gossips, but the guy genuinely tried to play the whole "I thought she was you" card.  The thing was, he was the village idiot and so there's always that chance he was telling the truth.  There was only one sister on the bar after that.

Edited Tuesday at 14:47 by Hedgecutter

[Florentine_Pogen]

2 hours ago, MEADOWXI said:

I've been the cheater and the one cheated on multiple times. It has taken a long time to learn but it just mental, three started with woman who were married, on one occasion moved in with them when hubby moved out, and once she got a new home and was pumping someone else before my cock was dry.

Had simpler affairs as well, some found out about, and the three when I was married never were.

Could tell stories that would curl your toes.

Aye ? Well c'mon then.....spill.

Edited Tuesday at 14:23 by Florentine_Pogen

[ICTChris]

42 minutes ago, 'WellDel said:

Worked many years ago in a factory which expanded quite quickly and it was common for employees to get friends and family members a start, including numerous couples. 

One of the married guys who played 5's regularly with us got caught dipping a wife which wasn't his and when it all came out the two couples split. The two jilted partners then rather weirdly took up together afterwards. Not the standard kind of wife swapping I've heard of before, but then again, it was in Larkhall..

Shania Twain did that - her husband was Robert "Mutt" Lange, who left her for her best friend.  A few months after that Twain shacked up with her (presumably former) best friend's ex-husband, who she's still married to now.

So you've swapped husbands with your best friend.  That don't impress me much.

[VincentGuerin]

There have been quite a few (uncovered) affairs in my work. The job ocasionally involves being away for a while and often this happens in groups of two or three.

For me and my missus it's perfect as she can now work from anywhere in the UK, so we get to spend a fair amount of time in Scotland as she just comes with me.

But the potential issues are obvious.

I remember when the first affair was uncovered after I started. Basically the same man and woman had been sent away around the UK together loads of times. Both married. Initially nothing had happened, but over time they inevitably formed a bit of a bond, shared quite a few bottles of hotel wine, and eventually ended up shagging. They'd been away so often together (not their choice) that there was loads of "Do you reckon...?" in the office. To the point that when it came out it was hardly a surprise at all.

I reckon loads of these things must be fairly obvious cliche things like that.

Any time I'm away with a female colleague I just play it well safe and essentially cut myself off from them when we're not working. I don't do dinner or drinks or any of that stuff. Might seem cold, but I don't see any reason to assume I'm not capable of doing something stupid, so why open the door?

Also had a married neighbour who was shagging the married man next door a few years ago. This one baffled me, as we had known for ages because we used to see them going in and out (!) of each other's houses all the time when their partners were away/at work. We reckoned it was like they were trying to get caught as it was just so obvious.

But eventually it came out and there was all kinds of drama. The woman and her husband seem to have patched things up and are still together, but the guy's missus left him and he now lives in the house alone. Astonished he's not sold it and moved. He's literally next door to his ex-side bit and her husband. Awkward as f**k. That all came out pre-covid, f**k knows what it's iike for the three of them living like that.

Edited Tuesday at 15:01 by VincentGuerin

[TxRover]

Best "uncovered" affair at my old workplace was the lassie who was married, got knocked up, announced it wasn't her husband that done it, and proceeded to get a court order for five separate lads at work to provide DNA samples to determine paternity. It was lucky number 3.

[Florentine_Pogen]

1 minute ago, TxRover said:

Best "uncovered" affair at my old workplace was the lassie who was married, got knocked up, announced it wasn't her husband that done it, and proceeded to get a court order for five separate lads at work to provide DNA samples to determine paternity. It was lucky number 3.

Seriously, she was getting pounded by the Keystone Kops ? Not a Trojan to be had ?