nelsjfc Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 There's football on. Think it was left on stv after England game tbh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMartyn86 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 That Chill Factor advert has been on during every ad break on Sky Sports this weekend. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 "Asdar fm" no, you silly English bint, ASDA doesn't have an "r" in it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I've just sliced through my Virgin Media cable outside the house. Can't get my telly or internet working. If I blatantly lie to VM, I assume they'll come and fix it for nowt? Not pretending to be an expert here or anything, but it might be possible to strip the insulation back, solder the central core back together, cover it with insulating tape, tie the magnetic shield together, then put some tape over the whole thing (or shrink-fit insulation, if you're feeling fancy). Probably not a terribly tricky job. Do they still use coaxial cable for cable TV? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Be gone with those fangley DIY instructions, David. Just trying to help the man cover up his obvious axe murder, that's all. If anyone asks, we all take it in turns to say that we've spent time with Mrs Mozza from now on, OK? If anyone stops round, she's just nipped out to the shops. Sorted. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvio Tattiescone Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Say the dog dug it up and ate it 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Some c***s coming out tomorrow to have a swatch. I've got my story worked out that it was Mike from next door. He was wheelbarrowing all Shiela's old dildos round the side of the house to take to the dump and her old Rabbit Dominator Mk V fell out, started up and began tunnelling under my fence, slicing the cable en route. What could possibly go wrong. What would you like us to bring you while you're at Her Majesty's pleasure? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerrdavidson95 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 You're not sporting nor have an iced gem haircut? I do not have an iced gem haircut. I am not sporting either. Forgive me if I'm missing something. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 fifa 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grazza Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Shopping in Asda today everyone just seems to be in it for themselves no one gives way or apolgise for nearly mowing me down with their trolley and strategically parking their trolley so no one can get past while they take about 3 minutes to make the vital decision of what brand of vinegar to buy. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 FFS Dave... He'll want Sheila's old Rabbit Dominator Mk V obviously, so he can tunnel his way out. Of course. D'oh! I'll go shopping for the cake ingredients tomorrow. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Perhaps something a little more inconspicuous than your first attempt... ImageUploadedByPie & Bovril1434328689.785706.jpg Points for presentation though. The wean's been recovering from a penis infection, so that would've been perfect for his birthday party on Saturday! How come you never see these things at the right time? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattydfc Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 I do not have an iced gem haircut. I am not sporting either. Forgive me if I'm missing something. I think you have this wrong champ. I think he means people sporting a haircut such as that 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richie95 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 I thought I had done quite well avoiding Game of Thrones spoilers, only for someone on my bus to shout at his mate about what happens. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 I thought I had done quite well avoiding Game of Thrones spoilers, only for someone on my bus to shout at his mate about what happens. Something about a Dumblydoor getting killed, right? I was going to watch that series too, until I heard someone talking about that 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 I am a bad person. Cable fixed, lies told, no charge. St Peter: "My son, unburden yourself before passing through to meet Our Lord." Mozza: "Well, I was an Aberdeen fan, I took the Lord's name in vain, destroyed another's property while murdering my wife, coveted Judith Ralston's ass..." St Peter: "Wait, what was that last one?" Mozza: "I know! They didn't even charge to get the cable fixed, God help me!" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Head and back are killing me from pushing the wheelchair around yesterday, and my throat feels like I've been orally servicing Spider-Man's nemesis The Sandman. Going back to bed; f**k this for a laugh. Someone fill in for me, will you? I'll expect these orders packaged by 3pm or there'll be no cake for you 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Head and back are killing me from pushing the wheelchair around yesterday, and my throat feels like I've been orally servicing Spider-Man's nemesis The Sandman. Going back to bed; f**k this for a laugh. Someone fill in for me, will you? I'll expect these orders packaged by 3pm or there'll be no cake for you There's a wee motor you can buy that you can fit onto a normal wheelchair that I thought would be great for pushing my Mother around. Turns out it costs 3 fucking grand! You can get a proper motorised wheelchair for £600. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerrdavidson95 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 What's the actual point in salted caramel? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 The modern day trend for using the word "actual" where it is grammatically redundant. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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