Granny Danger Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Saw a wee story today. A guy won 2k of Thomas Cook vouchers for winning a funny photo contest. The guy took a selfie with his son and a horse with its tongue out. Now the horse owner is claiming half the prize because the guy didn't ask her permission first. Aye, right! "Hold on guys, I'll just pop up the hill there and get the owners ok for this pic. Be back in 45 minutes or so." Thomas Cook have said they will look into it if they receive an official complaint. Should have told her to bolt. (No pun intended). Another c**t looking for something for nothing. Neigh chance of that happening. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjw Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Laughed myself hoarse reading that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Laughed myself hoarse reading that. I knew you'd be champing at the bit to add something. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 The complainant is often seen trotting through town with fifteen hands between her legs. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudolph Hucker Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Annoying c***s who turn a miniscule problem into a life-threatening event. Read yesterday about some trainee lawyer bint (problem already) who got a packet of kitkats with only chocolate, no wafer. She's claiming financial and emotional loss. Yep, ok. She must be aff her heid. Once she has qualified, what lawyer is going to take on such a pathetically self- promoting bint as this? Ahh yes - Aamer Anwar.............. -2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smpar Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Folk sharing that clip from the Aberdeen Celtic game earlier where it's just a game of head-tennis for 20 seconds or so, with some sort of "this is why Scottish football is so shite." The people sharing this clip are the ones who have no interest in their local team, and call Man Utd, Chelsea and Arsenal etc "we." Admittedly, it was hilarious and a really shite bit of football from both sides, but folk are sharing this thinking that it is the epitome of Scottish football. If that's the case, Leicester have always been playing incredibly neat and intricate passing football for years... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
topcat(The most tip top) Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 My dad had a cortana, but he traded it in for an escort. Her name was Michelle 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 I think the word "lawyer" in that paragraph tells you all you need to know. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 When people type 'ain't'. It just comes across as schemie and makes me think that they could be the type of person who fires around trying to act tough. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 When did the word "tech" become an acceptable noun to include anything with a plug? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Slightly more than petty! The pub I'm in,is advertising "singles awareness night" on the 12th February. If you book a Valentines meal for the 14th, you get a whole 10% discount. This is worse than selling advent calendars in October IMO! Needless to say, I'll be spending Valentines Day as I usually do, completely wrecked, with a very delighted hooker who will receive the full night pay for simply ensuring I don't choke on my own vomit. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hampden Diehard Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Slightly more than petty! The pub I'm in,is advertising "singles awareness night" on the 12th February. If you book a Valentines meal for the 14th, you get a whole 10% discount. This is worse than selling advent calendars in October IMO! Needless to say, I'll be spending Valentines Day as I usually do, completely wrecked, with a very delighted hooker who will receive the full night pay for simply ensuring I don't choke on my own vomit. If she's to sit about wiping your chin and keeping you alive after you've boaked up, she certainly deserves a full night's pay. Is there a spoilage charge? I reckon that she might seem delighted because you've paid her to be delighted, but she'd probably rather you took her to the Valentine's meal. Go on..... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 If she's to sit about wiping your chin and keeping you alive after you've boaked up, she certainly deserves a full night's pay. Is there a spoilage charge? I reckon that she might seem delighted because you've paid her to be delighted, but she'd probably rather you took her to the Valentine's meal. Go on..... I'm sure she will deserve a full night pay, I would think, though can't be certain, she will be required to empty many soup bowls of vomit, as these are my largest vessels available. It's a shame really, as, if I was a caring Valentines host I should really make sure she was able to indulge in top class Mumm & Ferrero Rocher as she wipes vomit from my chin/man boobs/ floor, but as I know that isn't palatable. I'd prefer she gets a full night pay in return for me not violating her vagina with all the inevitable disappointment that would cause. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Slightly more than petty! The pub I'm in,is advertising "singles awareness night" on the 12th February. If you book a Valentines meal for the 14th, you get a whole 10% discount. This is worse than selling advent calendars in October IMO! Needless to say, I'll be spending Valentines Day as I usually do, completely wrecked, with a very delighted hooker who will receive the full night pay for simply ensuring I don't choke on my own vomit. Are single people not aware they are single? Apart from the schizophrenics obviously. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Just got a new one! In the same pub! Two ridiculous, " look how individual I am" hipsters, coincidentally, sporting the same fucking ridiculous beards, clothes, tattoos, to be fair to them, they are individual in so much as one is wearing a snap back( don't get me started) and the other is wearing a tiny trilby. In turn they are laughing at people drinking Jaeger bombs, as they are so common! GTF you p***ks! Oh, and tiny trilby was just offered a lighter to light his ridiculously thin, pink cigarette - he refused, citing this reason- "I'm old school" then proceeded to withdraw a box of Cooks Matches - full size! I think I may spend the next few months in jail- c***s! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Sounds like you are having a great time MB I will remain polite when I say " Please be alive" when I bludgeon them with my steel toe-caps. And say "thank-you" when the paramedics pronounce them both dead. I'll probably then say "sorry" to the police, judge & jury, which will result in me getting a severe talking to rather than a life sentence. I'll then walk a away, skip in step, thinking, manners count. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deeboy Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Bought tuna in sunflower oil rather than brine. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MONKMAN Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Bought tuna in sunflower oil rather than brine. Spring water is the way forward. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deeboy Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 I'm sure I tried that and (strangely) found the tuna quite dry once drained. This sunflower oil stuff is awful. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invergowrie arab Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Men in an office environment wearing short sleeve shirts to work,especially with ties. Utterly tinky. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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