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Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...


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You know what the problem is? Everyone wants everything and they want it NOW! Just give the machine time to register and follow the instructions properly, and it works fine. People try and scan things too quickly and it ends up jamming the machine. Just relax, there's no hurry!

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You know what the problem is? Everyone wants everything and they want it NOW! Just give the machine time to register and follow the instructions properly, and it works fine. People try and scan things too quickly and it ends up jamming the machine. Just relax, there's no hurry!

You are my kinda girl! :wub::lol:

That is EXACTLY what I'm talking about. People go far too fast for the machines. At the end of the day, they are just machines. Contrary to common belief, they do not have a lady inside them working everything for you and being ever so polite to you when you use them. :lol:

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It's OK for you Sam - you're the supervisor and you've had training - I used the self service checkout in Tesco Cumbernauld once and vowed never to use it again - it kept talking to me and flashing up messages. My vote is for the human touch every time.

:blink:

Vowed never to use it again? Oh come on, don't take yourself so seriously!

We first got them in in March 2005 and I used them the first day they went in. I immediately realised why I was being told to place the item in the bagging area and used them every time I went shopping until I moved from a checkout to self service in May 2005. The training staff receive has nothing to do with the shopping mode because that part of the machinery is so very easy to use. The training comes with how to work the assistance screen, how to check currency levels, how to fix technical problems, how to report technical problems and call out engineers etc.

I promise you that if you abide by my little step by step guide, the problems you have with self scan will be few and far between and certainly NEVER your fault.

If you are at the express self service tills - scan the item and then immediately place in the bagging area to be weighed by scales that sit directly underneath the bagging area.

Wait until the screen flashes back up to the shopping mode (which is basically what you see after you press start) and then scan your next item. Once you've scanned that, place it in the bagging area immediately, allow for the few seconds it needs to be weighed and then scan your next item.

Do not move bags around.

Do not hold bags off of the scale.

Do not stand too close to the scales.

Do not put your hands on the handles that the bags are held up by.

Do not place an item that you are not paying for in the bagging area - ie your handbag if you are a lady and certainly never let your screaming children climb all over them.

It may sound a lot but really, if you follow those instructions then you'll be through self scan in a jiffy. :)

Please note: Any f'cker caught using a trolley at the ten item tills will feel the full force of my wrath. They are for a limited number of items only. Got a trolley? Use the belted machine! ;)

I appreciate they are not everybodies cup of tea but I think to write them off is a bit unfair. They are very popular with customers, especially younger customers and some older people who are only too happy to be able to learn something new and not have to stand around in queues all of the time!

Edited by SaintSam
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But like any bit of technology they are prone to being....well, rubbish!

I use the ones in ASDA and they are the exact same as the ones in tesco. I had put about 5 or 6 items of shopping in when it said 'Unexpected item in bagging area'. I took out the last item I had scanned in case the scales hadn't picke dit up and waited. It went back to the shopping screen. I put the item back in. It repeated 'Unexpected item in bagging area'. I took it out again. Still it said 'Unexpected item...' and continuted to do so until I had actually my shopping back out of the bag into the basket again :blink::lol:

It then declared itself happy with the weight of the shopping I had scanned that was now 'in the bag' and allowed me to continue! :lol:

Edited by RiG
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I'm all for these machines, but as far as i know the Tesco in Irvine doesn't have them yet. Maybe they do by now, but i haven't been for months because the only day i ever had cause to go was on Sundays, and Sunday is the day when Betty the 79 year old is on the checkout.

Betty is a one off. Oh yes. Smiling sweetly, she puts you right at ease as she slides your 6 pack of rolls through the scanner six times. (SIX!!!Not twice by mistake, SIX!!! And she works there! :huh: ) Of course someone with the ability to scan something six times whilst only trying to scan it once isn't going to have much luck with the pack of bacon next out of my basket are they? Sure enough, six times. Again. Really!

Having had a quick recce around to check for the signs of the hidden cameras of those oh-so-hilarious BBC 4 programmes where some public schoolboy dresses up in a madcap way and makes members of the public realise how very British they are to gamely suffer a public roasting in a stoic manner from someone who five years ago was squealing and being called Lucy by their grunting, sweating form master, i realised there were in fact none present.

No, sadly, Betty was trying her best. She was so obviously confused that even the pensioners in the queue who usually take longer than a butterfly wearing out a steel football by flickering it's wings along it annually to fumble the 5p's out of their purses were beginning to suck their wooden wallies.

So anyway, by the time i got home and fell out with ayrgirl because the rolls were stale and my son didn't remember my name i vowed never to go to Tescos on a Sunday again.

But, i gave in. Well, ayrgirl wanted bacon and i cheerfully figured Betty would have expired by now. But i hadn't counted on Gods sick sense of humour. There was Betty, but this time she had a deadly weapon. A stool. Yes, when someone older than StewartyMacs jokes is serving you whilst standing up you cling to some faint hope that she will either hurry up or die from old-age-standing-up-too-long-itis. But armed with a device to rest her varicose veined legs there is no limit to the amount of contrived fumbling and confused grinning an old woman can do on a till.

Now i don't wish to give the impression i consider myself an unlucky person generally, but suffice it to say that if i went to a Tesco with these self-service scanners, it would doubtless be the one that was programmed on a Sunday morning by Betty. :(

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I'm all for these machines, but as far as i know the Tesco in Irvine doesn't have them yet. Maybe they do by now, but i haven't been for months because the only day i ever had cause to go was on Sundays, and Sunday is the day when Betty the 79 year old is on the checkout.

Betty is a one off. Oh yes. Smiling sweetly, she puts you right at ease as she slides your 6 pack of rolls through the scanner six times. (SIX!!!Not twice by mistake, SIX!!! And she works there! :huh: ) Of course someone with the ability to scan something six times whilst only trying to scan it once isn't going to have much luck with the pack of bacon next out of my basket are they? Sure enough, six times. Again. Really!

Having had a quick recce around to check for the signs of the hidden cameras of those oh-so-hilarious BBC 4 programmes where some public schoolboy dresses up in a madcap way and makes members of the public realise how very British they are to gamely suffer a public roasting in a stoic manner from someone who five years ago was squealing and being called Lucy by their grunting, sweating form master, i realised there were in fact none present.

No, sadly, Betty was trying her best. She was so obviously confused that even the pensioners in the queue who usually take longer than a butterfly wearing out a steel football by flickering it's wings along it annually to fumble the 5p's out of their purses were beginning to suck their wooden wallies.

So anyway, by the time i got home and fell out with ayrgirl because the rolls were stale and my son didn't remember my name i vowed never to go to Tescos on a Sunday again.

But, i gave in. Well, ayrgirl wanted bacon and i cheerfully figured Betty would have expired by now. But i hadn't counted on Gods sick sense of humour. There was Betty, but this time she had a deadly weapon. A stool. Yes, when someone older than StewartyMacs jokes is serving you whilst standing up you cling to some faint hope that she will either hurry up or die from old-age-standing-up-too-long-itis. But armed with a device to rest her varicose veined legs there is no limit to the amount of contrived fumbling and confused grinning an old woman can do on a till.

Now i don't wish to give the impression i consider myself an unlucky person generally, but suffice it to say that if i went to a Tesco with these self-service scanners, it would doubtless be the one that was programmed on a Sunday morning by Betty. :(

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Love it!

Tips for you Monster: People who are older and have worked in Tesco for decades only work during the week contracted and at that, only work during the morning/afternoon (they do their overtime on Sunday mornings). If you want to be served by a younger person, go in at night or on a Saturday/Sunday afternoon/evening. If you went in before 12pm on Sunday, it's no wonder Betty served you! :lol:

Betty won't be able to cope with self service tills as it involves endless running about for customers who have things security tagged or who make errors, so you can rest easy! :lol:

Edited by SaintSam
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Please note: Any f'cker caught using a trolley at the ten item tills will feel the full force of my wrath. They are for a limited number of items only. Got a trolley? Use the belted machine! ;)

Yeah, you say that, but if said person was in front of me the lazy,disinterested, spotty recently fired from a chip shop girl on the till wouldn't say a bloody word!

:lol::angry:

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Got up this morning. Planned to have some breakfast then go to the P&B Game. Just on here to check the final arrangements then...

My Dad: 'Erm, Tom, I've got some bad news for you, it's only 10 past 7, and not 10 past 8 cos the clocks went back.' Not amused. :angry:

;):lol:

Edited by ShakehandsTom - DFC
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Got up this morning. Planned to have some breakfast then go to the P&B Game. Just on here to check the final arrangements then...

My Dad: 'Erm, Tom, I've got some bad news for you, it's only 10 past 7, and not 10 past 8 cos the clocks went back.' Not amused. :angry:

;):lol:

Yep! There's always at least one! ;):lol:

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Fireworks going off

...having been launched from my neighbours bedroom window (f'n rockets fae inside the house :o ) just before we've got the bairns halloween party (on Saturday)

and also the non-emergency police phone system - phoned the number in Forfar to complain about said fireworks and managed to get pissed off waiting and walked to the police station whilst still listening* to the repeated 'Thank you for phoning the non-emergency Police phone number...we're busy etc'

* this was done as a 'wonder who'll respond first' type of exercise in case you're wondering 'Who the fcuk'd stay on the phone for that long?'.

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