Andyboy Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 Genius thread, hilarious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwififer Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 I'm getting on a plane in a few hours. What do I do Auntie Phil, if I see a well-tanned man with a towel on his heid, running down the isle shouting 'allah!'? Do I punch him to the ground and shout 'this is Glasgae, we'll set aboot ye', in a mock weegie accent? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ron Burgundy Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Philomena is busy right now and will return later to anser your questions....thanks for your patience Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philomena McCann Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 I'm getting on a plane in a few hours. What do I do Auntie Phil, if I see a well-tanned man with a towel on his heid, running down the isle shouting 'allah!'?Do I punch him to the ground and shout 'this is Glasgae, we'll set aboot ye', in a mock weegie accent? Aye ye see, Gerry was sufferin' a wee bit fae sunstroke that week. Aw this travelin tae Dubai, Phuket, Honolulu, Aruba, Seychelles and Maddiegascar in the search fur his wean meant he got a wee bit tae much sun - that's why he wis sae broon! The towel was on his heed just tae try and cool him doon. We're no sure whit he wis tryin tae say, but we reckon it wis 'allah kill the man who took maddie' and definitely no 'allah go tae hell fur this' like some stupit basturts suggested. So, nuthin tae panic aboot flyers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philomena McCann Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 Auntie phil,i have bad aids. How long do i have left? weeks? days? minutes? As ye aw ken, AIDS stands fur Artifishial Insinuation by Dugs (Sniffers). As ye aw ken this is a very very bad thing. When they basturtin dugs target ye, the dirty greasy Portugese polis'll no let go. Yer fur it if ye stay in Portugal so ah'd recommend ye come hame quickly. Then when ye get hame, use the money that folk have donated fur yae to fight yer case. This is the only cure accordin to oor Gerry, he's a doctor ye ken. Oh aye, or just try sedatives he says. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnstoun Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Auntie Phil, I run a nappy recycling service in Portugal (I'll do anything for kids) and have a problem. I was using the service somewhat dishonestly as I was taking the opportunity to help myself to the hair caught in my customers' hairbrushes for a new toupee I was working on. Not only was my service badly affected when my usual hire car was seconded by some tourists for a considerable length of time, but when it came back the police had siezed my hair collection from the boot! Do I have any recourse for the loss of earnings and follicles? Thanks, G. Glitter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flogelsleftpeg Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Quality thread Auntie Phil, Do you believe that man has ever been to the moon, or was it all a cover up by the Portuguese and there dam sniffers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LargsTON Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Auntie phil,i have bad aids. How long do i have left? weeks? days? minutes? Dunno but it's been working on your features for years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ron Burgundy Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 "That wee girl will be thinking, 'They're not looking for me. My mummy, daddy and my aunties - they don't love me because they can't find me'. "I was just thinking about how insecure Madeleine would be, so Kate has been keeping that journal faithfully every day. "She's been writing down everything that we've been doing so we can prove to Madeleine that we have worked so hard to try and find her, that we've put our lives on hold to search for her and show our love for her is unending." Ms McCann questioned why the Portuguese authorities wanted the diary now, saying: "God knows what they are expecting to find. well hopefully the psychologist does even if god does not "And why didn't they ask for it before? It's just another way to stick the knife in." Philomena...how long have you been able to read minds as well as undertsand the mind of a three year old? Also can you explain the relevance of seizing a diary before anythinghas been written...it would defeat the purpose somewhat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djchapsticks Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 As ye aw ken, AIDS stands fur Artifishial Insinuation by Dugs (Sniffers). Fucking Brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Hooray! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonofjenova Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 I assume Auntie Phil has been retired then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Naitch Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Was it really that long ago that Auntie Phil graced us with her wisdom? Fantastic thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I miss aunty phil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flogelsleftpeg Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 One of the funniest threads ever on P&B, if Burgundy could cut out the nonsense and apologise, we could get some of the genius like this thread back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Diego De la Vega Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Sedatives.... that's his bloody answer tae everything. Genius how did i miss this thread first time round Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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