coprolite

Aye, through the door, "grab a table". Foolish and naive to do otherwise. However, the morbidly obese mother/daughter partnerships that pull this shit in the till queues at Home Bargains should be sent to the salt mines. One of them going back because they forgot tea bags or something is fine. Turning up to join the front of the queue with a basket full of a weeks groceries and kids clothes is taking the piss.

"wrong" meaning "tactically naive, but what we'd all like to say" .

It’ll keep vampires away though

They’re elephant children. Dr Elephant is bigger. Although he is the same size as Miss Hamster and Madame Gazelle so it doesn’t help much.

On the subject of remembering blokes being nailed to posts, this easter bunny shit gets on my nerves. We never had an easter bunny, so i don't know the story behind it. I guess it's some country's pagan symbol of spring, but f**k knows what the connection is with the chocolate eggs. Egg shape on the other hand is the optimum shape for chocolate and well worth the 300% price jacking. I'd like to thank Jesus for inventing chocolate eggs.

I consense to this view, massly.

Vegans are generally weak. Spam (or any generic luncheon meat) on the nhs is what’s needed. Never did me any harm.

Jensen and Gartenmen don't work in a four. Or in a five. I think they might just be shite.

Napoleon Symphony - Anthony Burgess. Don't know classical music well enough to have "got" this properly, but did get the general gist. It's not exactly a narrative. I've read a couple of Burgess' historical novels before and enjoyed them (not as much as his sci fi though) but this was a different proposition. The opening part (or movement) is relatively straight then it goes a little bit impressionistic for the remainder. Very entertaining. Haven't read much of his in the last 20 years but will be looking to pick up again.

Killie could have had five there. Absolutely shite

I'm very confused. We have a Tory majority, a monarch, and an established church, but we're living under islamism (Anderson, Braverman) and socialism (truss). Sounds like the Tories are doing a terrible job of protecting our "way of life". Vote Keith

So it's a utensil? Unless you eat with a tablespoon like some sort of budget bfg

Fucking great, now i've started, i know i'm going to have to spend half the morning trying to establish whether a tablespoon even counts as cutlery. In my mind, it's more of a utensil, but apparently the two categories aren't mutually exclusive. This is important.

Player-manager

One thing that VAR and the associated tedious and endless debates have shown conclusively is that a lot of the laws and their application are highly subjective. If experienced former refs are taking opposing views on the same incident despite having had days to consider it and watch replays, it's safe to say that there's not always a definitive right answer. If there isn't a definitive right answer, talking about accuracy is meaningless. It's not just that 100% accuracy can't be achieved, it's that there's no consensus about what it even looks like. Offside is probably an exception, but i am unconvinced that improved accuracy is a significant benefit, let alone worth the confusion caused by late (and inconsistent) flags.

Rico Deano Zero

Any full version of a name that's usually shortened, but only if it's insisted on by the owner. "Hi Mike" "it's Michael actually" "go f**k yourself Mike"

He hoped that the Motherwell player's wifes hadn't spent the win bonus money on handbags and shoes at 3- 0 up. I was more concerned with the torturous long winded phrasing of his joke than with the sexist content. And i'm a feminist.

That's him scoring then

I'd never heard of cavatappi before reading this post. The Wikipedia entry begins "Cavatappi is macaroni..." If you want to eat children's food, spaghetti hoops are better anyway.

Seeded, preferably

There's a lot of middle ground between getting upset at people liking non-football sport and people thinking American football is particularly shite. I often watch boxing, tennis, athletics (plus snooker, "sport" status tbc); watched ski jumping and egg chasing over the last few days. American football is definitely on the shite list, along with golf and test cricket. But apparently Taylor Swift was playing this year so it needs to be in the news, and talked about by bell ends at work, which is irritating.

Surely they open it to let you in

He's not an alien. He's a mutant human. The poor people on Mars got exposed to radiation that mutated them. He was unfortunate. One lady grew a middle tit. "you make me wish i had three hands"

Penis or Cock would be equally appropriate, but you can ensure full gender neutrality by using "arsehole".