Pregnancy And Parenting

[endieinreekie]

Went along with wife this morning to get the 15 week blood test for the likelihood of down's, spina bifida and Edward's syndrome. Was anyone else scared sh*tless waiting for the results?

[Reina]

Went along with wife this morning to get the 15 week blood test for the likelihood of down's, spina bifida and Edward's syndrome. Was anyone else scared sh*tless waiting for the results?

I wasn't, because I figured there was nothing I could do either way and we had made our minds up that if anything was wrong, we wouldn't have aborted the pregnancy anyway. This of course leads to the question, why have the tests done in the first place, but I'd like to be prepared if I were to be having a disabled child. Of course, although my risk after the tests I've had is 1:3000 or something, I could still be that 1. It depends on what you would do if the results don't go the way you hope.

We didn't get the results until weeks later - they only contact you if something's wrong here!

[Skyline Drifter]

Went along with wife this morning to get the 15 week blood test for the likelihood of down's, spina bifida and Edward's syndrome. Was anyone else scared sh*tless waiting for the results?

Not waiting for the results, no, but it wasn't a great time when they phoned shortly afterward and reduced the wife to tears by announcing that we were deemed "high risk".

A little investigation subsequently revealed that "high risk" was a chance higher than 1 in 214 of there being something wrong and we had been assessed as 1 in 212 and that mainly because of her age! We could have eliminated all doubt with an amniocentesis but as it increased the risk of miscarriage we weren't having that in a month of Sundays. Not whilst the risk of there actually being anything wrong was as low as that anyway. Had it been below 1 in 20 or something we might have thought about it.

Anyway, all was well that ended well on that front. Thomas is clear of all those things. So for God's sake if by any chance the results aren't wholly positive don't panic. It doesn't actually mean all that much unless it's seriously low. I'll take a 211-1 on shot any day.

Edited June 3, 2009 by Skyline Drifter

[Lisa Cuddy]

I never even had the triple test as we'd decided it wouldn't have made a difference what the results had said anyway. I haven't with any of my three and I don't think I ever would. Being prepared doesn't hurt anyone, of course, but I think if I'd been classed as "high risk", I'd have just worried, and for me, an amnio is out of the question. The chance of miscarriage is only something like 1 in 100, but like SD, I wasn't prepared to take that chance. 1 in 100 is still too high for my liking, and I don't think I could live with myself knowing I could have caused a miscarriage should the worst happen, whether the baby was 100% healthy and normal or not.

I'm just grateful that all my three boys are healthy and well.

[HGG]

Ok, is there anyone here who isn't reproducing? You randy little buggers.

I'm not.

I'd be grateful for any tips on easy ways to get baby off dummies. Charlie won't let his go at all during the day. It doesn't matter how tired he is, he won't sleep during the day without one, even though he never has one at all when he goes down for the night. We've got a great routine of bath, bottle, bed and story which works an absolute treat, but isn't exactly practical to do three or four times a day! I know the obvious answer is to just stop giving him the dummy and bear it for a few days, but I can't bear hearing him scream like he does, and he can keep it up for hours.

Leave him another month or two to see how he goes? He might just do the giving it up himself thing in the meantime. If not then you could have a rethink at that point? You still have time before it comes to this...

There's no chance I'm going to be one of those mothers who has a toddler walking around with a dummy.

Its what the wife wants, my mates we girl dosnt have a dummy and she seems to be fine, without a dummy they would not crave for one when crying, and now people like lyn-marie are gonna struggle to get there baby off them as the baby will be use to it.

More than a slightly judgemental attitude there. Parenting is about choice - individual choice of what's right for each family. You can't assume that because they do it differently from your ideals they're "gonna struggle". Also, babies have personalities and every last one of them needs things done slightly differently. You might want to do it a certain way. Your baby might find things easier another way.

My mates 17 and got a girl pregnant who he was with for a while. He was devastated and it never really sunk in the seriousness of it all until the child was born, now he says being a Dad is the best thing that ever happened to him and describes it as an experience you can't describe.

Obviously he's considered too young to be a responsible Dad but it just shows the effect that a child can have on people.

That's incredibly sad. Why not? Why can't a younger person be a responsible parent? It might not be what you'd plan or want but it doesn't make them a bad parent. Young, yes. Irresponsible or incompetent, no. I've seen younger parents do (what I personally consider to be) a far better job of things than some parents in their 30s. I hate seeing people put into boxes like that, particularly when it comes to their children.

Simple tip - there's only four things that a screaming baby is complaining about:-

1. They're hungry and/or thirsty - get bottle and warm it or ope the Heinz baby food tin & find a spoon

2. They're dirty - nappy change required

3. They have wind - over the shoulder, towel first so any regurgitated milk doesn't soak into you

4. They're tired, bored and need a nap - lights down, not off, soothing incense and a murmered song or two, lots of warm cuddles, kisses and stroking, then tuck up tight in warm covers on their side.

And what sort of milk is in that bottle that you're assuming the baby needs? Is the fridge empty of fresh food? Some people do use those methods as standard. Some use a mixture of methods. I'd like to point out that it's not to be assumed that that's the norm. Neither Scott or Elise ever used a bottle (Sam had my milk from a bottle sometimes but with the other two I just waited until they were four months old and used a cup if anything) and not one of my children has touched pre-packaged baby foods.

SD, is that a baby sleeping bag your little lad's in there? How do you find it? We got given one for Charlie, but he's never used it because I wasn't sure about them (I had visions of him sliding inside it, despite the fact I know it would have been nigh on impossible for him to do it). He'll never fit in it now, even though it's still sat in the cupboard.

In fact, if anyone wants it, drop me a PM and I'll send it on. Likewise, a baby sling to carry them around in. Charlie's been out in it twice and hates it!

Depending on what sort it is, slings sell pretty well on eBay. Might be worth a look at completed items to see what ones like yours are going for.

I was too worried to use sleeping bags with Sam and Elise as babies, but with Scott I gave it a go and they were fantastic. He decided he was fed up with them at about 18 months, just a week after I'd bought him a new In The Night Garden sleeping bag! Typical.

Co-sleeping was also something I said I would never do having watched my sister still doing it when my niece was 5 years old. However as you say any sleep is good sleep. One night we were determined that Cal would sleep in his cot (he never once slept in it) that we did as suggested and left him to cry, going in and putting him back down, etc. After listening to it for 9 hours at 4am I gave up and took him back into bed with us. When we moved house when he was 16 months he went from our bed into his own single bed. Granted I fell asleep with him every night until he was 4 I'd take Cal to bed and then come back downstairs at 10pm saying "sorry, sorry, I fell asleep"

It's amazing how many parents say that they don't co-sleep with their babies but will then say that their baby sleeps for an extra hour after the first morning feed if they snuggle up in their parents' bed.

As you say, any sleep is good sleep! B)

I also fall asleep on Scott's bed at night sometimes, even just after reading him a story whilst giving him a goodnight cuddle. Used to go round to some friends' when their daughter was tiny (before I had children of my own) and quite often the baby's dad would take her to bed and never reappear because he'd nodded off.

I think my wee one hates his cot as he'll sleep anywhere else really soundly. He'll sleep in his cot, just not nearly as well.

He's currently asleep here on my bed!

If I had any more I can't say I'd buy a cot. Never used mine for Scott at all.

There was a programme on channel four a while back about mothers who breast feed their kids until they where five years+! Also that reminded me of little Britain...Bitty.

"Extraordinary Breastfeeding" - the clue was in the title right from the start. It was never going to be about the things society accepts as "ordinary". That wouldn't make good viewing and wouldn't keep the ratings up. C.J's already said the world average for breastfeeding a child is up to four years. That isn't the average here. Much comes down to culture, social expectations and what's "accepted" in your environment.

*Puts soapbox down*

[endieinreekie]

I never even had the triple test as we'd decided it wouldn't have made a difference what the results had said anyway. I haven't with any of my three and I don't think I ever would. Being prepared doesn't hurt anyone, of course, but I think if I'd been classed as "high risk", I'd have just worried, and for me, an amnio is out of the question. The chance of miscarriage is only something like 1 in 100, but like SD, I wasn't prepared to take that chance. 1 in 100 is still too high for my liking, and I don't think I could live with myself knowing I could have caused a miscarriage should the worst happen, whether the baby was 100% healthy and normal or not.

I'm just grateful that all my three boys are healthy and well.

I am of the same opinion that it wont matter what the results of the test are (they don't conclusively tell you whether the baby has one of these conditions, but indicate the potential risk of he/she having it) because we wouldn't abort either, but would be able to be better prepared for something being wrong with the baby. I suppose things will become clearer at the 20 week scan at the start of July. This potential parenthood lark is fairly nerve-shredding!!!

[Lisa Cuddy]

I am of the same opinion that it wont matter what the results of the test are (they don't conclusively tell you whether the baby has one of these conditions, but indicate the potential risk of he/she having it) because we wouldn't abort either, but would be able to be better prepared for something being wrong with the baby. I suppose things will become clearer at the 20 week scan at the start of July. This potential parenthood lark is fairly nerve-shredding!!!

But completely worth the bitten-down nails!

I can absolutely see why some folk would prefer to be prepared, but I was worried enough anyway. I didn't really want my risk level laid out in front of me because even if it had come back as 1 in a million, I'd have always panicked that I could be that one. Given that I'm now 30, my risk would have been higher than when I had my first at 20. It was something I didn't want to see in black and white, and my partner agreed. Had he really been keen that I'd taken the tests, I maybe would have, but since we were both of the same opinion, there was never any question. Whatever will be will be and all that.

[An Sionnach]

And what sort of milk is in that bottle that you're assuming the baby needs? Is the fridge empty of fresh food? Some people do use those methods as standard. Some use a mixture of methods. I'd like to point out that it's not to be assumed that that's the norm. Neither Scott or Elise ever used a bottle (Sam had my milk from a bottle sometimes but with the other two I just waited until they were four months old and used a cup if anything) and not one of my children has touched pre-packaged baby foods.

*Puts soapbox down*

WOAH! That's me told....

I would clarify that I was just generalising there. Our first-born, Callum, was very congested when he was firstborn and, try as she might, he wouldn't take to the breast. Extremely disappointing for (Ex) Mrs Kilt but the Community Midwife/Health Visitor explained it just sometimes happened and not to worry. So he went straight onto bottle feeding with SMA powdered milk. It did mean I could give Mum a break and take my turns at feeding times.

Our second-born, Roisin, took to the breast immediately and spent most of her time half asleep, quiet as a mouse, unlike our trumpet-lunged son!

Am I excused from your feminist/pro-breastfeeding lambast on those grounds, HGG?!

As to tests for possible disabilities prior to birth, don't stress yourself - the likelihood of anything going wrong is very remote unless there is a medical history of disability in either parents' family. Hence, we had some genetic counselling as the (ex) Mrs is totally blind due to Wagner-Stickler's Syndrome and there was a 50/50 chance any child of ours would inherit it. Fortunately, neither did, but both will be advised/counselled if they have partners when they're older as they could pass the gene on to their potential kids.

The test is simple. Straight after birth baby is taken to the opthalmology ward, eye-dropped and checks made for any retinal scarring (an early indication of the disease). It was more traumatic for Dad - "Welcome to the world, little one. Now nurse here is just going to put some stuff in your eyes that will sting like fuck!" Oh yes, that made this new father feel soooooo good!

[Adam_Wee]

I was just skimming through here when I read something about being a young dad and not being mature enough?

I am only 20 and I too was scared that I would be like that. However, you completly change as a person when you have someone who is utterly reliant on you to provide for them, to feed them, to comfort them etc...

I can't guarantee that everyone changes when they have children, but I certainly did. I love nothing more than taking my son out for a walk to the shops, to my parent's house etc... I just love taking him out to show him off. I am so proud to be a parent.

I do still get the urge to go out and have a good night out though, don't get me wrong, but then when you think you could be at home playing with your kid, all the feelings go away. Besides, after not drinking for ages, you get scared of waking up with a hangover!

I love being a Dad. It's easily the best thing I have ever done.

[Karpaty]

I was just skimming through here when I read something about being a young dad and not being mature enough?

I am only 20 and I too was scared that I would be like that. However, you completly change as a person when you have someone who is utterly reliant on you to provide for them, to feed them, to comfort them etc...

I can't guarantee that everyone changes when they have children, but I certainly did. I love nothing more than taking my son out for a walk to the shops, to my parent's house etc... I just love taking him out to show him off. I am so proud to be a parent.

I do still get the urge to go out and have a good night out though, don't get me wrong, but then when you think you could be at home playing with your kid, all the feelings go away. Besides, after not drinking for ages, you get scared of waking up with a hangover!

I love being a Dad. It's easily the best thing I have ever done.

Great to hear it's all going well for you mate, no spoken to you in ages

[Adam_Wee]

Great to hear it's all going well for you mate, no spoken to you in ages

Yeah, it's going well.

Only got the internet recently after moving house. The place is still a bomb site. I should really be decorating in my spare time!

[Taylorboy77]

Mrs Taylorboy77 has 2 weeks to go before the birth of our 2nd child.

Cannot wait to be honest.

I have just been catching up with some of the posts on here and Im intrigued with some fo the responses to the tests or not to test at 15 weeks.

Lauren was born 5 years ago and at 12 weeks old was diagnosed with a rare syndrome. This devastated my wife and me and effectively ruined the first 2 years of our daughters lives.

We could not accept why it happened to us and to be honest couldnt accept it. After both dealing with it in our own way (me a councillor) and my wife with other support groups that are out there that you do not know are there until you need them, we were able to put it behind us and move on accepting whatever life threw at us and Lauren.

Anyway, getting slightly off topic, but when my wife fell pregnant again, we had to make the decision to get the full tests done or not. After much talking etc, we eventually made the decision to go for the tests. This was the most difficult 48 hours of our lives but when the results came back (they checked for basically every single genetic problem) we could not believe that all was good and there was no problems.

Although we have had the all clear, we still wont believe it till our little bundle has been born and we can see for our own eyes that all is ok.

If anyone needs any information or advice on the tests, please just PM me and I will give you as much information on the subject as i can.

[Ebanda's Handyman Services]

I was just skimming through here when I read something about being a young dad and not being mature enough?

I am only 20 and I too was scared that I would be like that. However, you completly change as a person when you have someone who is utterly reliant on you to provide for them, to feed them, to comfort them etc...

I can't guarantee that everyone changes when they have children, but I certainly did. I love nothing more than taking my son out for a walk to the shops, to my parent's house etc... I just love taking him out to show him off. I am so proud to be a parent.

I do still get the urge to go out and have a good night out though, don't get me wrong, but then when you think you could be at home playing with your kid, all the feelings go away. Besides, after not drinking for ages, you get scared of waking up with a hangover!

I love being a Dad. It's easily the best thing I have ever done.

That accurately portrays the change that my attitude went through too.

Now, on the odd occasion that I go out for a drink, I'm weary about getting too blootered and wasting a day on the couch that could have been used taking the kids down the park or just out playing in the back garden.

[Monster]

I was just skimming through here when I read something about being a young dad and not being mature enough?

I am only 20 and I too was scared that I would be like that. However, you completly change as a person when you have someone who is utterly reliant on you to provide for them, to feed them, to comfort them etc...

I can't guarantee that everyone changes when they have children, but I certainly did. I love nothing more than taking my son out for a walk to the shops, to my parent's house etc... I just love taking him out to show him off. I am so proud to be a parent.

I do still get the urge to go out and have a good night out though, don't get me wrong, but then when you think you could be at home playing with your kid, all the feelings go away. Besides, after not drinking for ages, you get scared of waking up with a hangover!

I love being a Dad. It's easily the best thing I have ever done.

What a poof!

[Adam_Wee]

What a poof!

Alright, calm yourself, Lord Flashheart!

[RH33]

Lots of words.......

I bought some pre packed, organic, very expensive baby food when I started weaning and most of it is still in the cupboard. Even the homemade stuff I prepared and froze is mainly still in the freezer as after about a fortnight I started feeding the wee one our meals and making him a big pot of veggie and lentil mush for his lunches.

We didn't have the tests, the downs one is VERY unreliable and IIRC they have stopped doing it in america as it's so unreliable. We'd had enough heartache getting a pregnancy to 15 weeks we wouldn't have aborted anyway.

Adam, I totally agree with you, you attitude, values, outlook all change. I was in Asda tonight and the wee one is now big enough to sit in the seat of the trolley and he was holding on smiling at other customers, I can't describe the joy and pride I feel towards him.

Then, when I come in from work and he looks at me a gives the huge smile that only I get.....melts my heart.

Edited June 3, 2009 by C.J

[Ebanda's Handyman Services]

Then, when I come in from work and he looks at me a gives the huge smile that only I get.....melts my heart.

It's great eh!

My wee lass isn't talking coherently yet but if you ask her what a dinosaur says she does the cutest little "Rarrr" and then smiles like she's really proud of herself.

[Guest The Phoenix]

Felt babies first kick today, wife has felt it for quite a while now. 26 weeks she is on thursday

Nice one G_Man.

The only kicks I feel these days are the one's from my wife.

[Lisa Cuddy]

Felt babies first kick today, wife has felt it for quite a while now. 26 weeks she is on thursday

Has she started sleeping with her belly against your back yet? I used to do that to my other half. If the kicking was keeping me awake, it was bloody well going to keep him awake as well.

[An Sionnach]

Has she started sleeping with her belly against your back yet? I used to do that to my other half. If the kicking was keeping me awake, it was bloody well going to keep him awake as well.

Quite right too! I can't believe that we shared a single bed up to 7 months of the pregnancy. I ended up sleeping on the floor beside the bed in a sleeping bag for the last two months!

Edit: And that reminds me, the feckin Guide Dog saw me slither onto the floor into the sleeping bag and jumped onto the bed where I'd been - her excuse was that the dog didn't take up as much space as I did!

Edited June 4, 2009 by Kilt