sjc Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 9 hours ago, KnightswoodBear said: Person desperate to be offended by something engineers something to be offended by https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-45657561 He needs a good kick in the yaki ba's..... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 My landlord has decided to stop doing my flat as a private let and has handed it over to a letting agency. I was all in favour of this as he was a snakey evil b*****d. But I just got my copy of the contract to sign. Some of the great parts include: Tenants are responsible for upkeep of garden (fair enough) but also for buying all the stuff needed to do the garden. f**k that mate. A "discretionary" £350 plus VAT (minimum) payment to the letting agency for any month the flat sits empty after I leave my contract (not if I leave it early. Just if they can't get anyone in even if my contract is up and I've fucked off) A £75 administration fee for handing any contracts. This includes when I sign to stay living in the place I am currently in and again every six months as they only do six month contracts. I have to leave my room unlocked at all times during the last two months of the tenancy in case they want to show anyone around. If they come round and my room is locked I will be charged £50. If I wish to make any changes to the contract these will cost £125 plus VAT per change. Oh yeah. This is all dated from "1st September" as my moving in date even tho' they only sent me the contract today. Phoned them up with a big fat "naw" and they said I need to vacate by 1st October. This was met with a bigger, fatter "naw". So now they want to discuss terms tomorrow. Whether I stay or find somewhere else I am now aiming to be the most annoying tenant they've ever had. Money grabbing b*****ds.As always, a bit late to this party but one of the best landlord revenge stories I’ve heard is someone dropping a smoke alarm under the floorboards and then waiting for the battery to go flat. No loss of deposit (a la jobby stories above) but justice served. Not entirely au fait with the English system but I’m fairly sure letting agents can’t charge for f**k all except rent and damages. ‘Admin charges’ and the like are straight in the sea. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 56 minutes ago, Dee Man said: Men 5cm or more over the average height have approximately a quarter more babies than average sized men. What would anyone do with a quarter of a baby? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 3 minutes ago, Shotgun said: What would anyone do with a quarter of a baby? Have another three and sellotape them together, obvz. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 What would anyone do with a quarter of a baby?Wee thin pancakes, hoi sin sauce and thinly sliced spring onion IMO 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Just now, Dee Man said: Have another three and sellotape them together, obvz. Aye but you just know it wouldn't be that simple. Four pregnancies aren't going to pop out arms and legs in the right order. You'd end up with 5 or 6 top rights, 3 top lefts, 1 bottom right and no bottom left. You'd have to go looking for someone to do swapsies so you could complete the set. Nobody's got time for that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 23 minutes ago, Shotgun said: What would anyone do with a quarter of a baby? King Solomon could be a right b*****d at times. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 11 minutes ago, Shotgun said: Aye but you just know it wouldn't be that simple. Four pregnancies aren't going to pop out arms and legs in the right order. You'd end up with 5 or 6 top rights, 3 top lefts, 1 bottom right and no bottom left. You'd have to go looking for someone to do swapsies so you could complete the set. Nobody's got time for that. Surely you would simply set up a meeting with a load of other people with quarter babies lying about and gather round like you did with football stickers in the school playground and swap your doublers for theirs? "Got, got, need, got..." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 36 minutes ago, Shotgun said: What would anyone do with a quarter of a baby? Present it to anybody who comes out with the old joke "I like children but I couldn't eat a whole one." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 What would anyone do with a quarter of a baby?I’d settle for a quarter of Kate and Gerry’s money tbh 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 25 minutes ago, Dee Man said: Surely you would simply set up a meeting with a load of other people with quarter babies lying about and gather round like you did with football stickers in the school playground and swap your doublers for theirs? "Got, got, need, got..." Yes. Much easier in the internet age, of course. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 3 hours ago, philpy said: Property firm In Edinburgh selling a flat with this “stunning view” from the balcony if it is Dalkeith Road, there's a stunning view of my great great grandad! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 2 minutes ago, tamthebam said: if it is Dalkeith Road, there's a stunning view of my great great grandad! He has a fine erection. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 6 minutes ago, Zen Archer said: He has a fine erection. he certainly does- 8 foot of gravestone that reads "behold the perfect man who is most loved by his friends". mine will read "behold the waster whose main achievement was some green dots on Pie and Bovril" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 Parent teacher conferences this evening (parents night for non-colonials)One mother stank of weed, was obviously high and the email address she was giving to teachers started candygurl...[emoji23] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 Property firm In Edinburgh selling a flat with this “stunning view” from the balcony [emoji16]Dead center of Embra? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 Parent teacher conferences this evening (parents night for non-colonials)One mother stank of weed, was obviously high and the email address she was giving to teachers started candygurl...[emoji23]Wid? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 11 hours ago, philpy said: Property firm In Edinburgh selling a flat with this “stunning view” from the balcony Quiet neighbours. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 Quiet neighbours.Until the zombie apocalypse starts 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 12 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: At least the neighbours are quiet. 38 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: Quiet neighbours. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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