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I'm at a waddin in Madrid. It's been the most spectacularly interesting day. The band in the church was like something out of a Quentin Tarantino film. My wife's cousin has rocked up with her new man who is the double of Rob Lowe and 3 guys have asked me if they can borrow my kilt to get photos taken.

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I'm at a waddin in Madrid. It's been the most spectacularly interesting day. The band in the church was like something out of a Quentin Tarantino film. My wife's cousin has rocked up with her new man who is the double of Rob Lowe and 3 guys have asked me if they can borrow my kilt to get photos taken.

That's KB walking about town with f**k all on and not for the first time.

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Woke up at half 4 with an utterly horrendous taste of sick in my throat and nose. Unfortunately this is only a result of 'eating too much pizza on my brother's birthday' reasons as opposed to 'out getting pished' reasons. Half a pack of airwaves has done the job.

ETA - 6am update: horrible feelings of indigestion followed by a risqué release of wind, got to bog just in time. A complete pebbledash job. This is going to be a long day.

Edited by Firhill Road
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Mind and check for skid marks/ semen stains both front and back when the kilt is retrieved.

(I sent the same advice to the Spaniards)

Why would there be semen at the back?

Have you never heard of a Rear Admiral?

No what's that?

It's known as an El Classico...

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Bought myself a South Indian Garlic Chili Chicken calzone after coming back from Dundee yesterday. Ate 3/4 of it at approximately 10pm and I've shat 4 times since then.

Still ate the remainder for breakfast. A terribly unwise move.

Despite the obvious post munch shites that sounds like the greatest calzone ever.

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