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YAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
 Poacher killed by elephant then eaten by lions.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-47843999

“A search party struggled to find the body but eventually found a human skull and a pair of trousers on Thursday.”

EpitaphsR’Us
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5 hours ago, Dele said:

Ordered a Zulu's (Dundee's own brand Nandos - half the price) and everytime I hear a motor outside I'm up out my seat looking to see if its my food. 

Starvin'. 

zulu.jpg.bfa7cf6f3e729d1f42408d3aed101404.jpg

"Did you order a takeaway of army rations..?" 

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 We live in the States now, but still have a home in Scotland and my wife goes back regularly to visit friends and family.  I've just had a very long phone conversation with her, during which she  calmly informed me our house got broken into last night, whilst she was asleep upstairs.  She never heard a thing and the only things that got taken were a few bottles of wine, a couple of bottles of Springbank 21 malts and a couple of bottles of fancy bourbons. 
Her brother has secured the damaged door and made it as good as it can be and she seems remarkably alright about the whole thing.  I'm livid and have no idea what to do, being thousands of miles away.

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2 minutes ago, akredz said:

 We live in the States now, but still have a home in Scotland and my wife goes back regularly to visit friends and family.  I've just had a very long phone conversation with her, during which she  calmly informed me our house got broken into last night, whilst she was asleep upstairs.  She never heard a thing and the only things that got taken were a few bottles of wine, a couple of bottles of Springbank 21 malts and a couple of bottles of fancy bourbons. 
Her brother has secured the damaged door and made it as good as it can be and she seems remarkably alright about the whole thing.  I'm livid and have no idea what to do, being thousands of miles away.

instruct your wife to mention the stolen Van Goghs, Rolexes, gold bars etc to the insurance company... 

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39 minutes ago, akredz said:

 We live in the States now, but still have a home in Scotland and my wife goes back regularly to visit friends and family.  I've just had a very long phone conversation with her, during which she  calmly informed me our house got broken into last night, whilst she was asleep upstairs.  She never heard a thing and the only things that got taken were a few bottles of wine, a couple of bottles of Springbank 21 malts and a couple of bottles of fancy bourbons. 
Her brother has secured the damaged door and made it as good as it can be and she seems remarkably alright about the whole thing.  I'm livid and have no idea what to do, being thousands of miles away.

Sounds like she had a good party anyway.

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Just realised that as the Spotify account  linked to our Echo/Alexa thing is mine, I can blast any old s***e out of it even if I'm hundreds of miles away offshore.
This is going to be fun whenever my other half is at home at night...  :thumsup2


Stick on sexual healing for her whilst she gets pumped by the neighbout
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7 hours ago, akredz said:

 We live in the States now, but still have a home in Scotland and my wife goes back regularly to visit friends and family.  I've just had a very long phone conversation with her, during which she  calmly informed me our house got broken into last night, whilst she was asleep upstairs.  She never heard a thing and the only things that got taken were a few bottles of wine, a couple of bottles of Springbank 21 malts and a couple of bottles of fancy bourbons. 
Her brother has secured the damaged door and made it as good as it can be and she seems remarkably alright about the whole thing.  I'm livid and have no idea what to do, being thousands of miles away.

Get her on the next flight home. Where is your house over here?

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 We live in the States now, but still have a home in Scotland and my wife goes back regularly to visit friends and family.  I've just had a very long phone conversation with her, during which she  calmly informed me our house got broken into last night, whilst she was asleep upstairs.  She never heard a thing and the only things that got taken were a few bottles of wine, a couple of bottles of Springbank 21 malts and a couple of bottles of fancy bourbons. 
Her brother has secured the damaged door and made it as good as it can be and she seems remarkably alright about the whole thing.  I'm livid and have no idea what to do, being thousands of miles away.
I can check the rest of you whisky collection is ok brother.

PM me your address and tell the wife to leave the door open
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17 minutes ago, Florentine_Pogen said:

So what would you do? If I was him I'd keep going out with her if I was in love with the girl, the father is hardly going to out himself as shagging young men behind his wife's back, I would have probably told the lassie that I was bi by now though

Edited by Adam101
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16 minutes ago, Adam101 said:

So what would you do? If I was him I'd keep going out with her if I was in love with the girl, the father is hardly going to out himself as shagging young men behind his wife's back, I would have probably told the lassie that I was bi by now though

How would you raise the subject? "Ooh baby you suck cock even better than your dad? Wait.. where are you going? I meant it as a compliment..."

 

 

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