Miguel Sanchez Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Since there was discussion of the irrational fears of women at the start of the thread: There was a female maths teacher at my school who was scared of sunflowers. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshmallo Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Was at Copenhagen zoo with the Mrs last month and I said to her that they had wolves. Her: "Aye very good" Me: "What?" Her: "You're trying to wind me up" Me: "How do you mean" Her: "They're not real animals" Me: "WHIT" Her: "You only get them in Harry Potter and that, I'm not stupid" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oht Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Me: What tennis player has the dirtiest house? Her: What? How do people know? Me: It's a joke honey. Her: Oh. It isn't very funny. Me: I haven't told you the punchline yet. Her: Oh. Teacher... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 (edited) Me: What tennis player has the dirtiest house? Her: What? How do people know? Me: It's a joke honey. Her: Oh. It isn't very funny. Me: I haven't told you the punchline yet. Her: Oh. Teacher... Go on then.. Me: I don't know Edited January 30, 2015 by welshbairn 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Go on then.. Me: I don't know No-Vac Djokovic 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTJohnboy Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Me: What tennis player has the dirtiest house? Her: What? How do people know? Me: It's a joke honey. Her: Oh. It isn't very funny. Me: I haven't told you the punchline yet. Her: Oh. Teacher... Do you always call her Honey? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oht Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Do you always call her Honey? I usually do when telling stories involving her on Scottish football internet forums. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 No-Vac Djokovic She should have just dumped him. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Her: "That Katie Hopkins would be pretty if she wasn't so ugly" Me with Jim Jeffries face: "What?" Her: "Well she's got nice hair and a nice body so if she didn't have an ugly face she'd be pretty" Me with Jim Jeffries face: "What?" Her: "You know what I mean though" Me: "No". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Her: "That Katie Hopkins would be pretty if she didn't have a soul made of tar" Fixed; please pass on! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Fixed; please pass on! I told her. She looked at me with a Jim Jefferies face. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I told her. She looked at me with a Jim Jefferies face. Each to their own. I'm not one to judge the preferences of others. ( ) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 (edited) Me: Watching Soccer Saturday Missus: Notices goals being scored, with the information being scrolled on the 'Vidiprinter' at the bottom of the screen: Eg Celtic 1 0 St Mirren Stokes (43) The Central Bar 1 0 Dunfermline Athletic McTavish (44) Missus: "Is that the players' ages in brackets?" Edited February 2, 2015 by Shandon Par 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweaty Morph Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 My better half was trying to describe an Irish sounding actor. "Keith O'Sullivan". I was confused for a bit until she told me it's "the guy who's in that 24"! She also thought the actor who played the Joker was called Keith Ledger. I think she might be having an affair with someone called Keith. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 (edited) Apparently my friend managed to convince some burd that Americans use a 40 second minute when she pointed out the play clock and asked what it was during the Super Bowl. "Aww yeah, they don't use the metric system" was the supposed reply. I'll probably never know if that's a genuine story sadly. Example of the play clock for the non-NFL fans: Ignore the highlighted red stuff. The play clock (the little 40 at the bottom) counts down the 40 secs which is the length of time the team are given to get their act together between chatting away and playing the snap, i.e. the "hut!" bit. The guy chucking the ball then makes the worst call in history and effectively loses the Super Bowl for the Seahawks. There's then a royal rumble punch up very shortly afterwards and it's all very entertaining. Edited February 4, 2015 by Hedgecutter 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnynivenEC Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Possibly the best one I've heard in a while,mate was telling me about his after sex talk with his gf,and she said " was that an orgasm you had,or was it just you cumming, I can never tell the difference" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdcal Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Coco pops advert comes on - her - 'i fancy coco pops Me - you have chocolate bran squares in cupboard Her - but I don't like chocolate in my cereal Me - whit? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Possibly the best one I've heard in a while,mate was telling me about his after sex talk with his gf,and she said " was that an orgasm you had,or was it just you cumming, I can never tell the difference" Maybe she realised that men can spooge without having an orgasm? Nice of her to give a shit TBH; absolutely infuriating when that happens. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Young Joseph Stalin Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 "Spooge" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 SPOOOOOGE! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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