DA Baracus Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 My mum asked my dad last night why ships and other things are referred to in the feminine, i.e. 'she' and 'her'. She said "is it because there's a Queen? If there was King would they then become 'him'?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 My mum asked my dad last night why ships and other things are referred to in the feminine, i.e. 'she' and 'her'. She said "is it because there's a Queen? If there was King would they then become 'him'?" I hope your father replied with "Because they're full of seamen" or some such similar smutty remark. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 I hope your father replied with "Because they're full of seamen" or some such similar smutty remark. His response was condescending laughter. But yes, that would have been better. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 I hope your father replied with "Because they're full of seamen" or some such similar smutty remark. Naval seamen? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 Bit a toilet paper can remove that. An "Andrex landing strip". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Not from a woman but felt it should be included. My mates were round and we had the news on the telly (on mute) when it popped up "Eyewitness Report" A mate turned round and asked "Where's Eyewitness? That near Inverness?" It was his pronunciation that made it - I-wit-ness 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BradHorse Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Not from a woman but felt it should be included. My mates were round and we had the news on the telly (on mute) when it popped up "Eyewitness Report" A mate turned round and asked "Where's Eyewitness? That near Inverness?" It was his pronunciation that made it - I-wit-ness Who was that? Would like to know for future slaggings. Anyway, was lying in bed a couple of nights ago. My girlfriend who has this sort of posh, well-spoken English accent (dunno why that matters but it just made it sound funnier) was lying reading a book next to me. I was just drifting off to sleep... That sort of halfway house that you get into when you're still awake but you're almost dreaming and she comes out with this: "Eddie Izzard.... He's the... He's the ski jumper, right? I didn't know he was into transvestism!" She was reading some book about 'How to be a woman' or some shite and an Eddie Izzard quote was used to defend equality in some way, about cross dressing just being equal rights for clothes or something. She'd not long ago watched a show called The Jump in which Eddie the Eagle featured and I had to explain who he was so you can forgive her woman brain for making the connection. I can honestly say I've never switched from being in sleep-limbo to utter hysterics as quick in my entire life. "Yes baby, he's a ski jumper. That's going on Pie and Bovril, btw." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 The World Cup and its ability to make all girls want to fake enthusiasm for football usually results in some sublimely stupid quotes. I was with a group watching the Belgium game in Bruges, and someone asks if they have anything like Paul the Octopus this time. Someone says there's some chicken doing it in Brazil, and all they know is it got the first game right between Brazil and Croatia (I have no idea how accurate that is). This girl we were with comes out with "wouldn't that be quite an obvious prediction to make anyway"? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Women faking enthusiasm? That has never happened to me. Never, ever. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paranoid android Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Her: Are you watching football? Me: Aye - Hibs and Rangers. Her: In the dark? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Women faking enthusiasm? That has never happened to me. Never, ever. That's more to do with you using rohipnol on them to be honest..... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Kincardine Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Her: Are you watching football? Me: Aye - Hibs and Rangers. Her: That's a no then FTFY 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CLANCY2KTID Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 This thread leaves too many unanswered questions, did DA Baracus step up to the plate and smash the back door of the bunny boiler, did he upload the videos to xhamster? Are they now in love? Or is she currently in jail? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Today I had to tell somebody that the Moon wasn't a planet. Taking my (admittedly annoying) "I'll not tell you the answer straight away but let you work it out a bit first" approach, I asked what else it could be. "Ah, it's a star isn't it?" was the answer. After giving her the 'not sure if serious' treatment, it turns out she genuinely thought that the Moon could be a star before convincing herself it was. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 This thread leaves too many unanswered questions, did DA Baracus step up to the plate and smash the back door of the bunny boiler, did he upload the videos to xhamster? Are they now in love? Or is she currently in jail? None of the above. Turns out she didn't like me and was instrumental in me being put on 'gardening leave' for 2 weeks and my subsequent firing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I suspect your homosexual boss will be doing the same, shortly. What, fire me? Exceptionally unlikely. And he's a suspected homosexual. I asked a colleague about it on Friday and she said everyone thinks he is but it has never been confirmed. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 The tension must be immense. Just ask him if he fancies going to the pictures one night. Best getting let down quickly. Or it could be the beginning of something beautiful. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 What, fire me? Exceptionally unlikely. No, put you on gardening leave. Uphill gardening leave. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 What, fire me? Exceptionally unlikely. And he's a suspected homosexual. I asked a colleague about it on Friday and she said everyone thinks he is but it has never been confirmed. There's only one way to find out for sure. Let us know how you get on. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 No, put you on gardening leave. Uphill gardening leave. Ah. I see. That's not on the cards either. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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