The Minertaur Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Lincoln, Alabama Lincoln, Arkansas Lincoln, California, in Placer County Lincoln, Madera County, California Lincoln, Delaware Lincoln, Illinois Lincoln, Indiana Lincoln, Iowa Lincoln, Kansas Lincoln Parish, Louisiana Lincoln, Maine Lincoln Plantation, Maine Lincoln, Massachusetts Lincoln, Michigan Lincoln, Missouri Lincoln, Montana Lincoln, Nebraska Lincoln, New Hampshire Lincoln, New Mexico Lincoln, New York Lincoln, North Dakota Lincoln, Pennsylvania Lincoln, Rhode Island Lincoln, Texas Lincoln, Vermont Lincoln, Virginia Lincoln, Washington Lincoln, West Virginia Lincoln, Adams County, Wisconsin, a town Lincoln, Bayfield County, Wisconsin, a town Lincoln, Buffalo County, Wisconsin, a town Lincoln, Burnett County, Wisconsin, a town Lincoln, Eau Claire County, Wisconsin, a town Lincoln, Forest County, Wisconsin, a town Lincoln, Kewaunee County, Wisconsin, a town Lincoln (community), Wisconsin, an unincorporated community in the Kewaunee County town Lincoln, Monroe County, Wisconsin, a town Lincoln, Polk County, Wisconsin, a town Lincoln, Trempealeau County, Wisconsin, a town Lincoln, Vilas County, Wisconsin, a town Lincoln, Wood County, Wisconsin, a town Clinton, California or Lincoln Lincoln, Utah, a ghost town in Utah I will apologise to her immediately and start looking for flights. Hopefully it's not the last one in Utah... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Whenever I have trouble remembering the capital of Nebraska, I just think of Big Jim Slade. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skyline Drifter Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 So we're watching the news tonight and the story comes on about the trial of four guys involved in the Hatton Garden Heist. The reporter starts telling us about the plot over Easter weekend and how they drilled through a concrete wall with machinery unloaded from a van. Up pipes the voice from the other couch to sagely point out in all seriousness "They had that planned you know". Really? I though they just spent some time finding a parking space for their van and then on coincidentally finding one next to the Hatten Garden Safety Deposit Vault figured they might as well test the equipment they just happened to have with them. After that the loot just practically jumped into their pockets accidentally. Now you mention it though they may just have had it planned in advance. If anyone has contact details for the Crown Prosecutor could they suggest it to him maybe? It was about ten minutes before I stopped laughing! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Accidentally drilled through a wall! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deeboy Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I asked in Lidl but they were out of stains.. Friendzoned. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayia Napa Daz Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 text me if you think of anything else you want x 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 (edited) text me if you think of anything else you want x Ok babe XoXoX Edited November 24, 2015 by 11thHour 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 text me if you think of anything else you want x Could be doing with a spot of lunch if you're offering? Haggis & red onion panini - ta x 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudolph Hucker Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Ok babe XoXoX .......and she came back with a packet of OXO cubes....... -2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudolph Hucker Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Pal of mine (honest, it wisny me) took his wife for a drive down the coast one nice summer's day. A bit south of Turnberry she pointed out across the water and said "Whit's that?" "That? That's the Ailsa Craig", he said. "Aye, but whit is it?" "How d'you mean, whit is it? It's an island." "Aye, but has it always been there?" "Whit, do you think they reel it in at night? Of COURSE it's always been there!" Silence, for a minute or two. Then: "Whit dae they dae wi' it?" "Well, they used to use the granite to make curling stones, but not any more. These days it's just a bird sanctuary." "Well, now I KNOW you're pulling my leg!!" "EH? How d'you mean?" "Well, how would the birds know to go there?" -2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 So we're watching the news tonight and the story comes on about the trial of four guys involved in the Hatton Garden Heist. The reporter starts telling us about the plot over Easter weekend and how they drilled through a concrete wall with machinery unloaded from a van. Up pipes the voice from the other couch to sagely point out in all seriousness "They had that planned you know". Really? I though they just spent some time finding a parking space for their van and then on coincidentally finding one next to the Hatten Garden Safety Deposit Vault figured they might as well test the equipment they just happened to have with them. After that the loot just practically jumped into their pockets accidentally. Now you mention it though they may just have had it planned in advance. If anyone has contact details for the Crown Prosecutor could they suggest it to him maybe? It was about ten minutes before I stopped laughing! ^^^ Started a sentence with "so". Mods, perma-ban please. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Pal of mine (honest, it wisny me) took his wife for a drive down the coast one nice summer's day. A bit south of Turnberry she pointed out across the water and said "Whit's that?" "That? That's the Ailsa Craig", he said. "Aye, but whit is it?" "How d'you mean, whit is it? It's an island." "Aye, but has it always been there?" "Whit, do you think they reel it in at night? Of COURSE it's always been there!" Silence, for a minute or two. Then: "Whit dae they dae wi' it?" "Well, they used to use the granite to make curling stones, but not any more. These days it's just a bird sanctuary." "Well, now I KNOW you're pulling my leg!!" "EH? How d'you mean?" "Well, how would the birds know to go there?" Where's Sawney Bean when you need him? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 ^^^ Started a sentence with "so". Mods, perma-ban please. ^^^ So much this!! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudolph Hucker Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Where's Sawney Bean when you need him? oot for a pie supper? -2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smpar Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Playing a quiz game; "A triceratops has how many horns? 2, 3, 4 or 5?" Fucking stumped, bottled it and went for 5. Tears and snotters everywhere. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Playing a quiz game; "A triceratops has how many horns? 2, 3, 4 or 5?" Fucking stumped, bottled it and went for 5. Tears and snotters everywhere. You both went for 5 then?!?! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 So we're watching the news tonight and the story comes on about the trial of four guys involved in the Hatton Garden Heist. The reporter starts telling us about the plot over Easter weekend and how they drilled through a concrete wall with machinery unloaded from a van. Up pipes the voice from the other couch to sagely point out in all seriousness "They had that planned you know". Really? I though they just spent some time finding a parking space for their van and then on coincidentally finding one next to the Hatten Garden Safety Deposit Vault figured they might as well test the equipment they just happened to have with them. After that the loot just practically jumped into their pockets accidentally. Now you mention it though they may just have had it planned in advance. If anyone has contact details for the Crown Prosecutor could they suggest it to him maybe? It was about ten minutes before I stopped laughing! I could've been doing with one of those guys to help me get into the Co-op own brand weetabix this morning. I was on the verge of using using explosives to get the fucking wrapping off. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Again, I hate to use the term 'babe' in relation to my mother. Seeing as it's nearly black Friday I thought I'd mention this tale that could have been straight out of a 70s 'comedy' but was in fact one of my old ma's many faux pas.... My mum went to the cinema (in the days of flip-up seats). She took her seat and placed her coat over the seat in front. When she sat down she noticed the chair in front had popped up so she stood up and pushed it back down again. Again, the seat popped back up, with the coat obscuring her vision. She was a bit baffled by now at this mysterious floating jacket so stood up and forcefully shoved the jacket back down. "Madam, would you mind not doing that to me?" demanded the angry black man sitting in the chair in front of my mum, as he turned round to remonstrate with her. "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't see you" she shrieked. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believe The Hype Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Again, I hate to use the term 'babe' in relation to my mother. Pics or GTF 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) Lassie at work runs the lottery syndicate. About 20 folk in it. £2 per week. For our 100 notes, we've won about 15 notes each. She sends out an email asking what we want to do with our winnings. Our options were take the money or spunk it all on some lucky dips. I suggested putting all our names and the winnings in the hat. Winner could take 200 notes, 2nd place 50 notes etc. Just so that at least a few of us won. Her response was... "No chance. I'm not handing over my money for someone else to win it". Edited December 18, 2015 by Cardinal Richelieu 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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