KnightswoodBear Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Here's the thing, Knightswood, and I want you to pay attention here because you're perilously close to shortly be finding me shitting on your car bonnet and poking myself up the dunger with a windscreen wiper here: the killer spiders you see in Hollywood productions aren't real. It's all CGI and painted mop heads. Unless anyone's posting from Australia or the jungle there is no need to fear spiders. Spiders pose no threat to our civil liberties. Spiders are all right. Some unity is required here, brothers and sisters. Do not let the bees divide and conquer. They've already got to you, haven't they? Just blink once for yes, or twice for no and we'll try our best to save your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 A handy anti-wasp trick I discovered involves two pint glasses. Leave lager dregs in one glass, let wasp fly in, put other pint glass into pint glass. Slowly pull out pint glass and as wasp sees opportunity to escape then wasp climbs up side of glass. At this point drop second pint glass and Mr Wasp is smeared down the side of the glass. The glass collectors may not be impressed with bits of wasp smeared all over the thing but at least you can enjoy a drink in peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dundeebarry Posted March 26, 2012 Author Share Posted March 26, 2012 They've already got to you, haven't they? Just blink once for yes, or twice for no and we'll try our best to save your family. Got to me? Has your mind come loose from its moorings, Knightswood? I'm running the show here! I've been stung by a bee! I tell you what, man, I'm on the verge of doing a Colonel Kurtz here and it's only day fucking two of the conflict. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotThePars Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I've been a big fan of bees since I was a boy and it's all cause of one authority flouting hero. You remember when you were in Primary School you'd have a play ground supervisor and she'd have a group of p***ks know it alls helpers that would run around spoiling everyone's fun. Well here I was having a good time playing one touch with a couple of mates off the back of the shelter wall on the grass (the red flag was up) when all of a sudden one of the girls that helps out comes up to us screaming about how we were all headed for detention when she told on us. Now it was safe to say I was a little scared at this point mainly because the depute headteacher responsible for handling detentions was a monster of a woman when you were 8. Our detention was spared, however, by a heroic bee that flew into this girls mouth mid-rant and proceeded to give its life by lodging itself in her mouth. She panicked and started crying before getting the week off thanks to the plucky little b*****ds suicide charge giving her a swollen tongue. And best of all we were never grassed up. So sorry Barry but 'mon the bees! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginge123 Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 If DB can't handle this I fear there is no hope for the rest of us . THEY MAY TAKE OUR DUNDONIAN NAMED BARRY, BUT THEY'LL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOOOOOOM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H_B Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Spiders are fucking pish... Has no one ever watched Wild Wild West? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jm1 Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 A traitor in our midst, eh? I just spat on my monitor. It achieved little, but trust me when I say the intention was there. When I am king you will be first inside the giant jam jar ya c**t. Just hedging my bets here, Barry. You kill some bees and put them on the back foot wing and I'll be cheering yous on. The bees start winning and I'm stabbing folk with a pointy stick attached to my arse. I'm a shitebag really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Spiders are fucking pish... Has no one ever watched Wild Wild West? Spider reverse propoganda. We're through the looking glass here, people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dundeebarry Posted March 26, 2012 Author Share Posted March 26, 2012 I've been a big fan of bees since I was a boy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dundeebarry Posted March 26, 2012 Author Share Posted March 26, 2012 Spiders are fucking pish... About time someone who kens the score turned up. Right, H_B - or to use your full name, Hates_Bees - I'm leaving you in charge for a while. Rally the troops as best you can. They're a motley crew, but there's fight in them. I am just going outside and may bee some time..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 In all fairness Baz, as a Dundee supporter you are surely used to being stung. Edit to add: Angus Cook, Ron Dixon, the Marrs - have I missed anybody? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H_B Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Is it just me, or have they bee fuckers been working on Stealth technology? I saw a couple over the weekend and they were silent... but no doubt deadly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordieBoy80 Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I welcome the presence of the bees and to a lesser extent the spiders, it's about time there was a New World Order getting fuckers telt. My mum always told me don't annoy the bees and they won't annoy you which is sound advice as they never have apart from once when I was wee and one stung my nose but after some discussion we established that I was being an annoying fucker and needed telt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotThePars Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I welcome the presence of the bees and to a lesser extent the spiders, it's about time there was a New World Order getting fuckers telt. My mum always told me don't annoy the bees and they won't annoy you which is sound advice as they never have apart from once when I was wee and one stung my nose but after some discussion we established that I was being an annoying fucker and needed telt. Aye I've never been stung either but then I'm wise enough to respect someone's boundaries and if he does infringe on yours then it's probably 'cause you pinged a ball off his home and now he's homeless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Pffft. Half empty coke bottle. Wee holes in the top. Wasps neutralised. Get back on topic Knightswood, we can't get distracted with this Ann Summers vibe that you've got going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unleash The Nade Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Bees are wee c***s and wasps are even worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Get back on topic Knightswood, we can't get distracted with this Ann Summers vibe that you've got going on. I'm trying, but I feel like Charlton Heston in Soylent Green screaming "It's people!!!" before being dragged away by the man. It's Spiders!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rajpelt Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I got chased fae a bee once, still wake up in cold sweats, I can still hear the buzzing and that feeling of blind panic that I can't see it but it's there. Buzzing, waiting to attack. It didnae sting me mind cause I'm fucking rapid mind but was some chase. Also, very afraid that Bees can read. Anyone en route to the Secret Bunker? ABORT. It's not a fucking secret. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I've been stung by a bee and bitten by a horse. Let's hope this was a one off and horses haven't turned carnivorous and teamed up with the bees. Mounted bees on carnivorous horses. It doesn't get much worse, trampling, stinging and eating all the people and spiders. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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