DA Baracus Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 I dislike how often I want to die. Don't worry, I don't feel that way at the moment! It isn't even that frequent, it just pops up every so often when it contacts one of my numerous failures, such as "no kids" and/or "no partner" and/or "no future", and/or "no degree" and/or all the fucking rest. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velo army Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 4 hours ago, DA Baracus said: I dislike how often I want to die. Don't worry, I don't feel that way at the moment! It isn't even that frequent, it just pops up every so often when it contacts one of my numerous failures, such as "no kids" and/or "no partner" and/or "no future", and/or "no degree" and/or all the fucking rest. I've said what I think before, so I won't go into the same depth with it this time. I hear a lot of self-flagellation from you and I think that's a familiar pattern. I think we're getting a glimpse of what you go through every day, so thank you for letting us see you more authentically. The best way to get out of patterns such as excessive drinking, self harm and mentally beating yourself up is not to regard them as problems in the first place. They're solutions. The work for you here is to figure out what problems they solve. Take that seriously. What does it give you when you drink excessively (alone and in company), what do you get when you put on weight? The avoidance of songs is a good indicator of this too. What are you unwilling to feel? Your whole frame of reference was created by your early experiences (and you've alluded in earlier posts to these) in order to survive, but you recognise now that this no longer serves you. Therapy is expensive (scandalously in my opinion) but it sounds like it's time for you to go on a journey back into your past and to do some healing. Two last wee points. This page is the f**k-up page of the forum. It's not Facebook where you see smiling holiday pictures and happy families. It's where people open up about their addictions, failures and weaknesses. Your "mewlings" are more than welcome here. Lastly, for an absolute failure you seem to have friends who see value in you. I get that this can be a challenge when you see yourself as a bad thing, but now and again play with the idea that how they see you has more validity than how you see yourself. Go gently with yourself today man. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 7 hours ago, DA Baracus said: I dislike how often I want to die. Don't worry, I don't feel that way at the moment! It isn't even that frequent, it just pops up every so often when it contacts one of my numerous failures, such as "no kids" and/or "no partner" and/or "no future", and/or "no degree" and/or all the fucking rest. I think I posted a few years ago saying something similar, I felt life had passed me by when I saw all my mates married, kids and all that while I was a drunk spending my weekends in the pub thinking I was still in my 20s when I was actually 40 years old. Then I met someone who genuinely changed my life. Now I'm engaged, got my own gaff and looking forward to the future. I'm not bragging but what I am saying is it's never too late. Firstly learn to love yourself or at least be comfortable with it then get out there and meet somone (if that's what you want to do) it's an absolute cliché but there is someone for everyone and you seem like an absolute top bloke. I'm sure you could meet a lovely lassie. Get out there and give it a try, you will fail and will meet some horrible people but you just never know, you may just meet that one person that changes your life forever. Stay strong my man. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 26 minutes ago, Bert Raccoon said: I think I posted a few years ago saying something similar, I felt life had passed me by when I saw all my mates married, kids and all that while I was a drunk spending my weekends in the pub thinking I was still in my 20s when I was actually 40 years old. Then I met someone who genuinely changed my life. Now I'm engaged, got my own gaff and looking forward to the future. I'm not bragging but what I am saying is it's never too late. Firstly learn to love yourself or at least be comfortable with it then get out there and meet somone (if that's what you want to do) it's an absolute cliché but there is someone for everyone and you seem like an absolute top bloke. I'm sure you could meet a lovely lassie. Get out there and give it a try, you will fail and will meet some horrible people but you just never know, you may just meet that one person that changes your life forever. Stay strong my man. I was 40 before I met my wife (never previously married) got married when i was 44. I thought I was going to be on my own the rest of my life. I'm sitting here with my wife, our daughter and three of the (step) grandchildren. I worked at a job that I didn't particularly enjoy but it just about paid the bills. I felt it was too big a gamble to change careers in my mid 40s with no quaiifications other than what I was working at and by that time I had a wife and two stepdaughters to look after, so I soldiered on. I'm now retired, in pretty poor health granted, but at least you don't smoke @DA Baracus, but I'm still standing. You never know what's round the corner. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 A good friend of mine is in his early 80s. We met through work but just hit it off. For the last 12-13 years we have been pals. The work we do is more a hobby for us both, and gave us great days away here and there. He is nearly 40 years older than me but when we talk it is like we are the same age. He has a wicked, and smutty, sense of humour. His health has gone downhill for the last couple of years. He told me on Thursday he has a terminal diagnosis. My instant reaction was (no clue why) to wash my cars. Inside and out, showroom clean. I cannot say how gutted I am. I will be visiting him regularly. I remember lots of my dad's so-called friends vanishing when he was ill and how much it hurt him. But I am really gutted right now. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxRover Posted June 3 Share Posted June 3 8 hours ago, scottsdad said: A good friend of mine is in his early 80s. We met through work but just hit it off. For the last 12-13 years we have been pals. The work we do is more a hobby for us both, and gave us great days away here and there. He is nearly 40 years older than me but when we talk it is like we are the same age. He has a wicked, and smutty, sense of humour. His health has gone downhill for the last couple of years. He told me on Thursday he has a terminal diagnosis. My instant reaction was (no clue why) to wash my cars. Inside and out, showroom clean. I cannot say how gutted I am. I will be visiting him regularly. I remember lots of my dad's so-called friends vanishing when he was ill and how much it hurt him. But I am really gutted right now. Absolute pisser, and makes you wonder why the world does that to someone you’ve bonded so well with. I happens because, well, it happens. I’m sure he’s having issues dealing with this terminal diagnosis, but you can make sure you don’t change things simply because of it. In the end, life itself is a terminal diagnosis, and if he’s the character you get the feeling he is, he could use the help from you to keep joking and laughing about all this shite as long as possible. What you said about what happened to your dad makes it clear you’re on the right track here, it’s about celebrating the little wins that are still there. On 01/06/2024 at 17:07, DA Baracus said: Re the media, I pretty much never watch or listen to the news. I don't seek it out on websites like the BBC for example. I don't feel like I ever miss out on anything important as I usually hear about it on this site or Reddit. Talking of Reddit, I simply don't read certain things. There's so much negativity and pish that I can see why folk get so down on it. Anyway, came on here because I wanted to slightly vent and couldn't think of a better thread (not that I take this thread lightly as a place for any old pish). I am embarrassed and ashamed every time I step out of the door due to how fucking fat I am. I know I've badly fucked up my life (i.e. permanently ruined it) and deserve all the criticism for it, but it doesn't change how shit I feel. It's why I've hidden away from life for so long (I often panic when I get an invite to something and too often make up an excuse to not go; sometimes when I do go to things I find myself really enjoying it but also breathe a huge sigh of relief when I get home) and why when I do go out I drink so much and why I drink so much when I have beers at home. Thankfully I only drink once a week but it's silly heavy. When I go to the football it isn't so bad when I'm there (my friends there really are sound and I love them), meaning before the game (but still a bit too much too often) and after when I'm with my friends, but after when I get the train alone I keep on drinking (too much) and then keep doing so when I get home. Far too often this year I've fallen asleep on the couch and then had to go to bed after, having a daft hangover on Sunday (mostly a digestive one). But when I'm alone I sink between 12-20 cans every Saturday (I'm a bit drunk now, having done 12). I don't have a high tolerance; often after two pints I feel tipsy. I just get stupidly done in. Strangely I, in general, don't feel too bad (went back on medication last year, fluoxetine) most of the time but it does really bite when I have negative feelings. I have moments when I ponder how badly I've failed at life (will be 40 in December, no kids, single, no girlfriend, live alone, no mortgage, debt, can't drive, no savings, no qualifications, lost so many friends, often lonely, etc). I do strangely intersperse that with blasts of positivity, but I'm worried how low that supply is running. The vast majority of my issues are because of my stupid weight, caused by horrible habits. I've tried loads in the past to change (sometimes successfully, but never permanently) but it's like an addiction where when I try I get a feeling of physical pressure on the top of my head and a mental haze. I've been so weak and time is almost out. I have loads of songs that I have to skip when they come on because it's too painful. But if I can sort it I might have a chance. Right, I've said this mewling, weak pish so many times. I'll refrain from clogging this thread up so that folk with actual issues can speak. Apologies. First, we ALL have issues and ALL sometimes need a place like this to vent and hear people tell us how we’re feeling isn’t weird or abnormal. Well, sorry to say this, but what you’re feeling really isn’t that weird or abnormal. You’ve described before how things have stacked up on you in various ways. You’re also talked about how you’ve broke through those things at various times…just as you can do again. Mate, you are a clear and knowledgable addition to many threads on here, so you have the head on your shoulders that you need, even if you question it now and then. Next you need to quit buying the societal expectations and start living the DA Baracus expectations! So, nearly 40 and single…if I had a penny for the number of 40 year-olds who pray nightly that they were single… Sit down and list some goals. Choose one and focus on that while working in general toward where you would like to be. I’d choose one of, if not the, simplest ones. Check it off and move on to number…much like another motivational approach, one step/item/goal at a time. How did the mouse eat the elephant, one bite at a time! You reach one goal, move on to another and keep reminding yourself you’ve already met two, three, four goals. Adjust the goals as you move forward, and make sure you keep in with the societal contact, even if you aren’t buying the societal expectations. Vent anytime, post anytime, hope this note finds you feeling a little more clear headed and feeling better. P.S. Some songs still really hit me emotionally too, it’s yet another normal thing. The reverse is also often true, some songs can stoke you up. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venti Posted June 3 Share Posted June 3 12 hours ago, scottsdad said: A good friend of mine is in his early 80s. We met through work but just hit it off. For the last 12-13 years we have been pals. The work we do is more a hobby for us both, and gave us great days away here and there. He is nearly 40 years older than me but when we talk it is like we are the same age. He has a wicked, and smutty, sense of humour. His health has gone downhill for the last couple of years. He told me on Thursday he has a terminal diagnosis. My instant reaction was (no clue why) to wash my cars. Inside and out, showroom clean. I cannot say how gutted I am. I will be visiting him regularly. I remember lots of my dad's so-called friends vanishing when he was ill and how much it hurt him. But I am really gutted right now. Sorry to hear about your friend. It's a rare thing to just click with someone. Cherish what time you have left. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velo army Posted June 3 Share Posted June 3 12 hours ago, scottsdad said: A good friend of mine is in his early 80s. We met through work but just hit it off. For the last 12-13 years we have been pals. The work we do is more a hobby for us both, and gave us great days away here and there. He is nearly 40 years older than me but when we talk it is like we are the same age. He has a wicked, and smutty, sense of humour. His health has gone downhill for the last couple of years. He told me on Thursday he has a terminal diagnosis. My instant reaction was (no clue why) to wash my cars. Inside and out, showroom clean. I cannot say how gutted I am. I will be visiting him regularly. I remember lots of my dad's so-called friends vanishing when he was ill and how much it hurt him. But I am really gutted right now. Thanks for sharing this. The car thing is entirely understandable. After a cataclysm (or more viscerally, an event outwith our control which threatens our sense of safety and security) we want to do things that give us a sense of control. Cleaning is a very common reaction. The "5 stages of grief" aren't linear. It sounds like you tied in denial and bargaining in the one activity. Be gentle with yourself. It sounds like you two have a fantastic connection which is now being challenged and altered. I wonder how it would feel for you to involve him in your process. It'll be scary for both of you, but it's a journey that you can take together. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venti Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 Anyone heard from Derry Alli? Dm him & no response. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 8 hours ago, Venti said: Anyone heard from Derry Alli? Dm him & no response. No, went on his profile and he was last on 2nd May. The excellent young fellow is almost certainly fine and has probably been stranded somewhere remote. Would be good to hear from him though. Someone should tag the lad (I tried but couldn't do it from some reason) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxRover Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 16 hours ago, DA Baracus said: No, went on his profile and he was last on 2nd May. The excellent young fellow is almost certainly fine and has probably been stranded somewhere remote. Would be good to hear from him though. Someone should tag the lad (I tried but couldn't do it from some reason) I show May 13th as his last replies, May 14th his last visit...but I also cannot tag him. That suggests an action on his part, I would assume. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venti Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 39 minutes ago, TxRover said: I show May 13th as his last replies, May 14th his last visit...but I also cannot tag him. That suggests an action on his part, I would assume. I know he like ching & booze. Hope he's alright. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 On 02/06/2024 at 21:55, scottsdad said: A good friend of mine is in his early 80s. We met through work but just hit it off. For the last 12-13 years we have been pals. The work we do is more a hobby for us both, and gave us great days away here and there. He is nearly 40 years older than me but when we talk it is like we are the same age. He has a wicked, and smutty, sense of humour. His health has gone downhill for the last couple of years. He told me on Thursday he has a terminal diagnosis. My instant reaction was (no clue why) to wash my cars. Inside and out, showroom clean. I cannot say how gutted I am. I will be visiting him regularly. I remember lots of my dad's so-called friends vanishing when he was ill and how much it hurt him. But I am really gutted right now. Normal reaction, you've spoken openly about the loss of your dad and struggling cope and now someone close to will impact the grief from your dad mixed in with this. When our emotions overwhelm us we find ways to cope, often practical things to get the energy they create out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 4 minutes ago, RH33 said: Normal reaction, you've spoken openly about the loss of your dad and struggling cope and now someone close to will impact the grief from your dad mixed in with this. When our emotions overwhelm us we find ways to cope, often practical things to get the energy they create out. I visited him on Friday. Still sharp and full of beans. Half an hour of chatting, with his wife hovering around to check if he needed anything, and he was worn out. I said I would go back in a fortnight. It is all very familiar from when dad was ill, and in a way it helped because I wasn't shocked when I saw him. I knew what to expect. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 3 hours ago, Venti said: I know he like ching & booze. Hope he's alright. Don't we all. Hope the big fella is awright 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 I was meant to be on an urgent referral to psychiatrist to discuss medication and GP won't do it. Chased at the psychiatrist this week and they've received nothing from GP 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danielguy Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 (edited) i'm not sure if i'm suffering from depression because it's not diagnosed yet but literally nothing is bringing me joy in my life now, i feel so miserable and like no one even cares. I've been trying to entertain myself, it helps me sometimes, but most of the time I still feel really upset. I think of going to therapist soon Edited to remove potentially spammy/dangerous link but didn't want to delete post in case poster is really after help/advice. BWV Edited June 20 by Bully Wee Villa 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxRover Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 4 minutes ago, danielguy said: i'm not sure if i'm suffering from depression because it's not diagnosed yet but literally nothing is bringing me joy in my life now, i feel so miserable and like no one even cares Don't wait for someone to diagnose it...get in and talk about it and get a referral...hopefully quicker than this one... 21 minutes ago, RH33 said: I was meant to be on an urgent referral to psychiatrist to discuss medication and GP won't do it. Chased at the psychiatrist this week and they've received nothing from GP Christ, it's like they never learn this s**t is important. Hang on, and give the slowpoke a swift kick! Maybe the psych's office can chase them? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venti Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 53 minutes ago, RH33 said: I was meant to be on an urgent referral to psychiatrist to discuss medication and GP won't do it. Chased at the psychiatrist this week and they've received nothing from GP If you are still in Erskine & need a mate. Dm me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 9 hours ago, Venti said: If you are still in Erskine & need a mate. Dm me. Cheers, I'm actually doing much better, out house more but because of dosages I need the psychiatrist to review it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.