Dr Koop Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 When I left my office on Friday I let off a really big smelly guff and locked the door. It will be interesting to see its intensity tomorrow morning. You can see farts? There must be a movie in that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oht Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Many, many years ago I let one go in the Wetherspoons in Ayr. I'd been waiting at the bar to get served but had been drinking tennents all night and needed to release a bit of gas. I kept it quiet, didn't acknowledge it and then to my horror I realised it was probably the smelliest fart I'd ever done in my life. The bar was packed and I was aware there were a couple of girls now queued behind me. As a young lad, I was terrified at the thought of these girls shaming me with a loud 'ya smelly bastirt ye' and having everyone stare at me. After a few seconds, with some trepidation, I gingerly cast a glance over my shoulder. With a mixture of relief and pride I saw them checking each other's shoes. My fart was so violently manky, they assumed it couldn't have come from a human and one of them must have stepped in dog shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsr Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Took my 2 1/2 year old to the zoo last week and he unleashed a silent assassin of murderous proportions. Fortunately we were next to the rhino enclosure at the time and I was able to blame it on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HTG Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 This is a hellish thread to read on a train. It's the height of bad manners laughing like f**k when commuters are all around and miserable as f**k. Not as bad as farting at them I suppose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GalaKev Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 My classic one was on a BA flight from Bristol to Edinburgh a number of years ago. I have Chron's so I am normally pretty bad anyway. Me and the wife sat on this little plane after taking off I let off a silent one, which even brought tears to my eyes. The missus gave me an awful look and I was thinking how I am going to get out of this one. In the 2 seats in front of us was a father and son. Suddenly the young kid shouted 'Dad, you farted', rather loud. To which the father said 'No I haven't'. Ten or so minutes later I let rip with another one. Of course this kid even more louder said 'Dad, you farted again'. Again the father said 'No, i haven't' By this stage the father was getting some looks as it was rank. I am trying to keep the tears away, with laughter and I think i dropped about 4 or 5 the whole flight. Every time this kid shouted about his Dad farting. You could see that people were looking at the father, especially this woman in the single seat next to him on the other side of the aisle. Who was rather prim and proper, who had started on the G&T's straight after take off. I never had the guts to admit to it. I let this man take the blame for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 You can see farts? There must be a movie in that. Would've made The Happening a more interesting film if they'd been running away from killer farts. Actually, might watch it again with the sound down and make up my own fart-based dialogue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdgarusQPFC Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Was leaving work in a bit of a rush Friday night and at the entrance of the building is a little security station/reception area, just as i passed the guard i accidentally let out a little quack of a fart, but seeing as there was only me leaving and the security guard was staring at me as i left, i could hardly hide who had dealt it. So i didn't break stride or dare look at him as i promptly left the building. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Just dropped one in my car, I'm outside my managers house waiting to pick him up. #pray4mizfit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLip69 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Was at a family wedding about 20 years ago. Sitting at the opposite end of the pew from an uncle, who was quite elderly and appeared to doze off during the service. He dropped one and it seemed to ripple forever. The pew behind us were sniggering, but as the rippling ended I, at the other nd of the pew, jumped up in my seat as if I'd been bitten. Cue hysterics behind me and a slap from my Mum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I'm really lucky I'm not banned from asda. I'm on a bit of a high-fibre diet just now, and my lunch today included a tin and a half of beans. I must have let a ripper go in nearly aisle in there tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I am such a child! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Prez Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Me2???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsr Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Same here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Managed to let of a silent but violent one yesterday, about 10 seconds before getting up to get off the train. It was just starting to make itself known as I left my seat to go to the door. Train was fairly busy and I'm certain the blame was going to the old guy who was sleeping on the seat across from me, given he had tanned a couple of cans of lager before passing out. Smug sense of satisfaction from getting away with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 I had to stop watching that in the office as I was starting to make wee girly squeaking noises trying not to laugh. Show us your anger!!! Was the turn off point Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HTG Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 I was looking for something else and came across this doozy of a thread. Can't believe there haven't been any incidents or shamings over the last couple of years. Anyway, silently bumped! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reggie Perrin Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 I was at school with a lad known as Squeeee as that was the almost constant noise coming from his arse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 My best one was when I was in first year at school. The exams were on in the gym so instead of PE we had to sit quietly in a classroom and read or do homework or whatever, but absolutely no talking. So the room was totally silent when I felt one building up. I was already leaning on the desk so I simply lifted my arse slightly and let rip with the loudest one I've ever done. The entire class dissolved in laughter while the PE teacher, who was keeping an eye on us, tried his best to calm the place down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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