Best Wrong Number ever received

[Cardinal Richelieu]

Just had a phone call from a Pony Club in Cumbria asking for a taxi.

Surely someone can improve on that?

It's from Northumberland actually. From the pleasingly named town of Kirkwhelpington.

[ebbes20silkcut]

I've a friend who got calls left on his voicemail.on a weekly basis from some karate club, looking for a Mr Seargent, due to a concern for the kids,

He said that every call was a more desperate plea for the kids wellbeing

[SteelJag]

Not a phone call but numerous people text me thinking I'm a mother called Hiromi whose kid is at Oatlands Jun. I get regular texts asking if peoples kids can stay over or if i like their texts. Oatlands Jun keep nagging me about sports day.

Its hard being a mummy.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

Many moons ago before mobiles I answered the phone at my mum's house.

The lady at the end of the line addressed me by my first name and continued to say how much she enjoyed 'our date' the other night.

She prattled on about how much we sparked and wanted to see me again (well it's me, who wouldn't?) until five minutes later she twigged that I wasn't the chap she met the previous evening.

As this was before 1471 I couldn't even phone back to give her an option.

[Audaces Fortuna Juvat]

Not a phone call but numerous people text me thinking I'm a mother called Hiromi whose kid is at Oatlands Jun. I get regular texts asking if peoples kids can stay over or if i like their texts. Oatlands Jun keep nagging me about sports day.

Its hard being a mummy.

Rolf Harris's phone IMO

[Raidernation]

Many moons ago, living in Aberdeen, I had a phone number very similar to one of the taxi firms, cue lots of wrong numbers.

Best one was one Saturday night from a drunken sounding quine who called 3 or 4 times in quick succession to be told "It's still a wrong number". Eventually I just told her "Wait outside I'll be there in 5" and went to bed!

[shawfield shed boy]

Many moons ago, living in Aberdeen, I had a phone number very similar to one of the taxi firms, cue lots of wrong numbers.

Best one was one Saturday night from a drunken sounding quine who called 3 or 4 times in quick succession to be told "It's still a wrong number". Eventually I just told her "Wait outside I'll be there in 5" and went to bed!

So whats the punch line......

[Hillonearth]

My work number's a fingerfart away from the number of a well known game shop.

Last Christmas I was getting one or two calls a day from worried mothers who had preordered PS4s wondering whether they had showed up yet. Most of them were fine once they realised they'd got a wrong number, but there was one daft bint who apologised for bothering me, and then started to tell me the chain of events like I could influence them.

Also used to semi-regularly get texts from a wee dick in London who thought he was texting some burd in cockneyspeak:

"I neva met anyone like u - can't do nuffink bout the way I fink about u" etc.

He made the error of actually phoning late one night though.

"Lisa, that yew?"

"Does it sound like it is?"

"Oo's this?"

"The guy Lisa's shaggin'. f**k off."

Never heard from him again.

[Audaces Fortuna Juvat]

I used to work in the Mater Infirmorum Hospital in Belfast many years ago, a convent hospital that had been taken over by the NHS, and part of the deal was that the nuns could stay on in the convent portion until they all expired. One of them Sister Ignatius had been the head nurse (no smutty jokes please) and a lot of the older staff were still terrified of her.

This was in the Eighties when Belfast was at it's worst, so if staff were out in town they would often pop into the hospital to see if the doctor's bar was open after hours or get a taxi safely. I was nightshift one night when the hospital lothario, a porter named BB popped in, and he'd had "one or two". He ordered a taxi and sat in my office while I went off to attend to something. When I got back one of the nurses was pissing herself laughing, but there was no sign of BB anywhere.

Sister Ignatius had phoned my office while I was away and BB had been a bit offhand.

The old dragon indignantly demanded, "Do you know who this is?"

"No", replied BB.

"It's Sister Ignatius", she informed him.

BB asked, "Do you know who this is?"

Again, the answer was, "No".

"Well f**k off then", was the silver tongued cavalier's response.

[Enigma]

I received a call one morning.

Yorkshire accent "'ere when are you going to come round and do me hedges"

Me: "Whaaaat?"

them: "When are you coming to do me hedges I've been waiting weeks"

Me "I'm not going to cut your hedges"

them: "WHAAAAT!!!?"

Me "Who are you?"

them: "It's Dave"

Me "Where are you?"

them "Halifax"

Me "Well I'm up in Edinburgh, you've got the wrong number, mate"

them "Oh, right"

they hang up

[JamboMikey]

I get phone calls for Lothian Villa - the drug rehabilitation centre - because my house number is similar to theirs. Always some ned asking when Chantelle is getting let out etc.

Used to get calls for a bakery near my house as well and it just used to be constantly shop owners with South Asian accidents shouting orders of rolls down the phone.

[shawfield shed boy]

Trying just answering the phones to the general public...

I Work in the motor trade and why 000s of ppl think its strange when i ask there reg plate considering thats the reason for the call is beyond me

Sigh

[KnightswoodBear]

At our old place we used to constantly get calls at all hours looking for someone called Tony, usually from jaikie sounding folk.

After unsuccessfully telling them for weeks that they had the wrong number I just started telling them he was dead, in the jail or had won the lottery and was living it up somewhere sunny.

[RandomGuy.]

I know someone who had a proper phonecall with someone, both of them had intended on making plans with someone with the same name as the other, and somehow the plans seems to make sense for both, neither questioned it until the plans never actually happened and the one I know realised he didn't recognise the phone number. Its was either a superb wrong number, or an elaborate joke

[tamthebam]

my home phone number is close to a doctor's so you get confused old dears phoning up wanting to know their results. I haven't had the guts yet to say "Good News, you're pregnant" and put the phone down..

One night at 2 a.m. the phone rang. You immediately think "oh shit, me sister's been in an accident" or something. It was a chinese sounding female trying to sell things. I was too stunned to say something like "listen you stupid fucker, it's 2 am here, you're not going to get many sales phoning at this time..."

[Enigma]

If I was constantly receiving calls from people asking for Mr. Cutts the butcher where would I live? A greeny awaits the first correct answer.

[Shotgun]

In Mr. Cutts the butcher's house?

[ajwffc]

If I was constantly receiving calls from people asking for Mr. Cutts the butcher where would I live? A greeny awaits the first correct answer.

Marlinspike hall Belgium (Tin Tin)

[tinkerbelle]

Years ago our first phone was on a shared party line. For all the youngsters on here, that was a phone line that, although each person had their own different number, was shared so when you picked up the handset, the chances were that somebody else would already be on the line making a call to somebody else. I used to just hang on the line and listen in to other peoples phone calls although sometimes you could only hear what one person was saying.

[sjc]

Years ago our first phone was on a shared party line. For all the youngsters on here, that was a phone line that, although each person had their own different number, was shared so when you picked up the handset, the chances were that somebody else would already be on the line making a call to somebody else. I used to just hang on the line and listen in to other peoples phone calls although sometimes you could only hear what one person was saying.

^^^Pillow talks Rock Hudson!