BFTD Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Everyone has the occasional fabrication on their CV, even if it's just to cover up the gap in employment from that summer you spent smoking camel dung in Marrakesh. But what's the biggest lie you've told, or have seen/heard that someone else has told? Bonus points if you/they managed to get the job. Boring, but mine's just the mandatory 'Profile' section. Enthusiastic, hard worker seeks challenge? Idle slob needs regular payments into bank account, more like. This, and the 'Hobbies' section, are such a waste of time. A'body knows the former is shite (unless the applicant's a bored millionaire), and nobody gives a toss about the latter. Worse, having an active private life would be anathema to a business; surely they'd rather read, "I'm utterly obsessed with making money for my employer and have no time for frivolities like fun". Oh, this could encompass worst CVs you've seen too, although there might be a thread for that already...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jarkko Wiss Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I read somewhere recently (probably P&B) about a reference on a CV which read "The greatest mind of their generation". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deeboy Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I know of a man with 'sheep sheerer' on his CV. Got an interview - "Ah, the sheep sheering guy! .. What is that like?" "No idea, it was a lie so you remembered me" Got the job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudge Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I've never told lie on a CV but on the interests section I listed hillwalking. I genuinely do like hillwalking but apparently this is a common lie on CV's. The interviewer was a keen hillwalker and so grilled me about it. I reeled off some of my favourite walking and climbing routes and we were basically high fiving before the end of the interview Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I'm not a trained gynaecologist but I'll have a fucking good look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Probably mine is my claim to be a certified camanachd association coach (I've done 2 courses) but no bugger over here has a clue what it means, pretty irrelevant for teaching jobs I admit, but looks good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Interests : Socialising = Degenerate Alcoholic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Stubbs Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I'm genuinely thinking of putting gay on the equal opportunities form from now on. As a young, straight, atheist white man I'm doing horribly on the quota front. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottR96 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I didn't need a CV to get my job. A couple of online tests and the 'interview' was merely to check I had the right qualifications. No questions asked. I had to make one up a few weeks ago though when applying for a new job and I really struggled with it. Never included a hobbies section, because I don't have any outside going to the football and getting pished. I always assumed that employers didn't really give a f**k about that part of a CV. Included all of the generic shite about how I've gained valuable skills which I'm keen to develop, etc. I also put that hard worker spiel in there as well, although I do work pretty hard when I'm working because it passes the time quicker - but I doubt it counts for much on a CV because everyone has it in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamish's Passenger Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 i once completed the equal opportunities section station stating I was a homosexual Jew. I got the job and on my first day, I over heard my new team leader at the time, taking my paperwork over to her boss and saying "oh look, we have never had one of them before" I had a giggle to myself. I am neither. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BradHorse Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 "Enthusiastic, reliable and conscientious individual..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Not got any lies on my CV as such, but I am adept at twisting what is there to suit the profile of any job I apply for. All those years working call centres and attending sales course after sales course have turned me into a convincing bullshitter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 My recollection of the reasons why I left a job / the job ended and how this is represented on my CV and the companies records of the reason for leaving / end of employment may show how people remembering events can be amazing different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
williemillersmoustache Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 "makes a good cup of coffee, excellent telephone manner" In reality my coffee is fucking spectacular but you never want to come across as arrogant, so i tone it down. And i'm a p***k on the phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Bairn Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I have that I am conversational in French on mine (I know about 4 words) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 "I am always willing to work late, even if a customer walks in at 4.55" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tree house tam Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I lie about my sex. I also have a job so interviews are just an excuse to dress up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 I read somewhere recently (probably P&B) about a reference on a CV which read "The greatest mind of their generation". I can think of at least one P&Ber who'd put that down as their self-profile My recollection of the reasons why I left a job / the job ended and how this is represented on my CV and the companies records of the reason for leaving / end of employment may show how people remembering events can be amazing different. Ah, the old "fell foul of obscure office regulations/caught pissing in a plant pot" dichotomy I lie about my sex. Bigger or smaller? There's bound to be some Spud-esque character who's included their enormous wang in the 'Skills' section. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 According to my CV, I'm an expert on a number of software applications. In reality, it's a list of icons that I've ever had on my desktop in work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I've not played in ages tbh. Mainly because it's not the kinda game where you can minimise the browser when someone approaches then continue your game when they're gone. Unlike this game: http://gabrielecirulli.github.io/2048/ And this one: http://www.dicewars.co.uk/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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