scottsdad Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 Tony Bennet had an organ donor card. Left his eyes to somebody in New York, his lungs to somebody in Alabama. Not sure where his heart went... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 woman going to jump of a cliff on the west of scotland, sailor says, dont do it, i will stow you away on a ship and you can start a new life in america, 3 weeks later she is found and brought before the captain, he asks her, what are you doing on my boat, she replies, 1 of your sailors is stowing me away to america,he brings me 3 meals a day and in return i let him f**k me every night. the captain replies, oh he is fucking you alright, this is the dunoon ferry 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwell87 Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? ...... 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thank you." I said, "Don't mention it." 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted August 2, 2023 Share Posted August 2, 2023 My dog has been constipated for a week, This morning I let him out in the yard, and he took the biggest crap! Something was wrong though because It looked like it had some writing on it. So, I went into the house to get my glasses, because I can't read shit without my glasses. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted August 2, 2023 Share Posted August 2, 2023 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted August 4, 2023 Share Posted August 4, 2023 I rang the arthritis help line yesterday. They said "can you hold?" b*****ds. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted August 4, 2023 Share Posted August 4, 2023 I've just lost a court case against a fabric conditioner. I fought Lenor, and Lenor won.... 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted August 5, 2023 Share Posted August 5, 2023 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted August 7, 2023 Share Posted August 7, 2023 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted August 7, 2023 Share Posted August 7, 2023 Went to stay with a mate in Edinburgh for the festival, I phoned in advance and he said ‘I made up the spare room’. When I got there he told me I’d have to sleep on the sofa, when I asked about the spare room he said “I made it up”. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted August 7, 2023 Share Posted August 7, 2023 I've been staying at a four-star hotel. It was **** 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted August 8, 2023 Share Posted August 8, 2023 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted August 8, 2023 Share Posted August 8, 2023 (edited) Elton John has bought his pet Rabbit a treadmill. It's a little fit bunny. Edited August 8, 2023 by Tony Ferrino 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted August 8, 2023 Share Posted August 8, 2023 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted August 8, 2023 Share Posted August 8, 2023 What's Whitney Houston's favourite coordination? Spoiler Haaaaaaand Eyeeeeeeee 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey Tennis Posted August 8, 2023 Share Posted August 8, 2023 7 hours ago, Arch Stanton said: What's Whitney Houston's favourite coordination? Hide contents Haaaaaaand Eyeeeeeeee That took me quite a while. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted August 8, 2023 Share Posted August 8, 2023 Whitney Houston liked sausage and haggis apparently. She had the greatest love of hall's. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HI HAT Posted August 9, 2023 Share Posted August 9, 2023 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagane Posted August 9, 2023 Share Posted August 9, 2023 1 hour ago, HI HAT said: This is my life 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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