Left Back Posted October 17, 2021 Share Posted October 17, 2021 1 hour ago, Rizzo said: Came onto this thread for a giggle and wound up envious of all the folk with the counter space to be able to accommodate a bread bin. We have no bread bin because of a lack of counter space as well. We have huge amounts of counters but like every other horizontal space in the house it’s viewed as a challenge to Mrs. B to see how much shite she can fill it with. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velo army Posted October 17, 2021 Share Posted October 17, 2021 How much fucking bread do you people buy that you need a whole different compartment extraneous to all your cupboards? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted October 17, 2021 Share Posted October 17, 2021 There's some c**t in our house who can't be fucked to open new bread from the top and just goes in from the sides. They know how much it winds me up. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted October 17, 2021 Share Posted October 17, 2021 6 minutes ago, Tony Ferrino said: There's some c**t in our house who can't be fucked to open new bread from the top and just goes in from the sides. They know how much it winds me up. You mean...they rip the bag open from the side like some kind of fucking animal? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael W Posted October 17, 2021 Share Posted October 17, 2021 Preparing a meal with the intention of taking it to work for lunch the next day and it's still in the fridge 4 days later. That'll be yet another one I'll be chucking in the bin, then, because it'll be left there to grow mould if I don't. This has cost a few plates and dishes in the past as I've taken a look at the decomposing contents and decided salvaging the plate isn't worth it. Easier to just bin it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AUcal Posted October 18, 2021 Share Posted October 18, 2021 Volunteers me to help her family or friends to fix things or set things up all the time. Her wee brother was moving the other day and the night before she tells me that she promised I would help him over a week ago. Anything vaguely technical that her pal or sister/mum can't fix and it's "don't worry AuAl will come round and sort that". Will I f**k. Wouldn't mind so much if I was being asked directly or if I volunteered myself to do it. Having her just decide that I will do it without asking me fucks me right off, happens all the time. Then falls out with me anytime I can't/don't want to do it. Pfft. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'WellDel Posted October 18, 2021 Share Posted October 18, 2021 25 minutes ago, AuAl said: Volunteers me to help her family or friends to fix things or set things up all the time. Her wee brother was moving the other day and the night before she tells me that she promised I would help him over a week ago. Anything vaguely technical that her pal or sister/mum can't fix and it's "don't worry AuAl will come round and sort that". Will I f**k. Wouldn't mind so much if I was being asked directly or if I volunteered myself to do it. Having her just decide that I will do it without asking me fucks me right off, happens all the time. Then falls out with me anytime I can't/don't want to do it. Pfft. I'm fairly handy at diy etc, and this is a regular occurrence in my house too. She'll be sitting nattering away her usual shite on the phone, then you hear "I'll get 'WellDel to help you/do it for you, no honestly he won't mind, it's daft you paying someone when he can do it". Sitting there drawing the eyes of her, seething until she comes off the phone to see if she's roped you into fitting laminate for her maw, installing a telly, assisting with a house move for her pal, or some other ridiculous offer that should never be made without consulting you first. Women really are worst cûnts when it comes to that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted October 18, 2021 Share Posted October 18, 2021 I used to get sent around to the mother and brother in law's to sort out their telly every few weeks. It was usually after they'd hooked up the dvd or vhs to watch an old movie. I got a reputation for being good at that sort of thing because i could fix stuff like power cables being unplugged or the sky box output being connected to the input. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AUcal Posted October 18, 2021 Share Posted October 18, 2021 22 minutes ago, 'WellDel said: I'm fairly handy at diy etc, and this is a regular occurrence in my house too. She'll be sitting nattering away her usual shite on the phone, then you hear "I'll get 'WellDel to help you/do it for you, no honestly he won't mind, it's daft you paying someone when he can do it". Sitting there drawing the eyes of her, seething until she comes off the phone to see if she's roped you into fitting laminate for her maw, installing a telly, assisting with a house move for her pal, or some other ridiculous offer that should never be made without consulting you first. Women really are worst cûnts when it comes to that. Aye it's the "honestly he's happy to do it, it's no trouble" that gets me. If it's no trouble away and you sort it for them then. I know it's coming when I get in and I'm told "I was catching up with so and so today, they were saying they're looking for someone to..." I just know I'll be round there like a mug fixing something they've fucked up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy Shaker Posted October 18, 2021 Share Posted October 18, 2021 Was out on Saturday for football. As I left, she was doing stuff about the house. I don't like her doing this because no job gets finished but as it was my only weekend off for a month she wanted to help. Got home for half nine at night. Bed still stripped and still not made. Clean bedding hanging out in the rain. Three individual piles of washing decorating the route between the washing machine and washing basket upstairs. One lot sitting still damp in the machine. The worst of furlough was it blew apart the myth of housework and while she'll at least admit it, she's still mates who insist 'a womans work is never done' and that kind of crap. Maybe if the first twenty minutes of every housework session didn't involve glowering at your fucking phone trying to find Adele songs to listen to, it might pass quicker. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deej Posted October 18, 2021 Share Posted October 18, 2021 34 minutes ago, Jimmy Shaker said: The worst of furlough was it blew apart the myth of housework and while she'll at least admit it, she's still mates who insist 'a womans work is never done' and that kind of crap. Maybe if the first twenty minutes of every housework session didn't involve glowering at your fucking phone trying to find Adele songs to listen to, it might pass quicker. Probably why they get paid less 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted October 18, 2021 Share Posted October 18, 2021 2 hours ago, AuAl said: Volunteers me to help her family or friends to fix things or set things up all the time. Her wee brother was moving the other day and the night before she tells me that she promised I would help him over a week ago. Anything vaguely technical that her pal or sister/mum can't fix and it's "don't worry AuAl will come round and sort that". Will I f**k. Wouldn't mind so much if I was being asked directly or if I volunteered myself to do it. Having her just decide that I will do it without asking me fucks me right off, happens all the time. Then falls out with me anytime I can't/don't want to do it. Pfft. Does it work the other way? Like, if your maw threw up on her living room floor, would it be OK if you volunteered Mrs AuAl's services to go round and scrub the carpet? I think you should find out. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busta Nut Posted October 20, 2021 Share Posted October 20, 2021 Apparently "aye" is not a sufficient and concrete enough answer when asked to do something, ie. "will you help xxxxxxx with xxxxxxx on Thursday?" "Aye". She wasn't sure I was going to as "aye" wasn't saying much. Fucking boils ma piss. Lead to a discussion where I had to flat out tell her "here's how you ask a question" "On Saturday I am needing to go to Matalan around 11am, You don't have anything on do you? Don't wanna take the wean" instead of... "See on Saturday?" "....yeah...." "You got any plans?" "no" "I've to go to Matalan and don't wanna drag the wean around" "That's fine I will do something with the wean." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted October 20, 2021 Share Posted October 20, 2021 That's reminded me of something that used to drive me nuts; the trail of infinity questions that could be reduced down to one. "Are you going out?" - Aye "Are you going into town?" - Aye "Are you going to be long?" - No "Will you be going past Tesco?" - No, but I can make a diversion "Could you pick something up for me?" - Sure, what? "I fancy something to eat" ... *silence* ... - OK...I'm going to need more information than that "Well, are you going to the bakery area?" - I wasn't going there at all until you said. What do you want? "You know the area near the bread?" - Aye, the bakery area. You want something from there? "Yeah...you know where they keep the pies?" - Yes, in the bakery area. Do you want a pie? "Yes, can you pick me up a pie?" - Sure ... *silence* ... - ...what kind of pie? Scotch pie, steak, bridie..." "Urgh, no, I want a sweet pie" - And the filling in this sweet pie would be...? "Apple. Can you pick me up an apple pie?" - Give me a while, I need to recover from this interrogation first. tl;dr - "if you're going out, can you swing by Tesco and pick me up an apple pie? Thanks." 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raithie Posted October 20, 2021 Share Posted October 20, 2021 First of all, I have no idea if I'm correct in this situation but I'm assuming I am. If I'm wrong I'm keeping shtum with the wife. My wife rarely ever carries cash on her and was down the high street a week or so ago and realised she'd struggle to park anywhere closeby that didn't charge for parking. She phoned to explain her predicament so I explained to her there is an app you can download and you input the number that's on the ticket machine and can pay that way using a bank card. She was in a rush so I told her instead of her downloading the app if she gave me the number on the ticket machine I would pay it via the app as I already had it on my phone. All sorted happy days. Yesterday she arranged to meet her pal for lunch - again down the high street. She phones on route down the high street and asks if she gives me the ticket machine number could I just quickly pay for her parking - she wasn't 100% sure if she'd park in same place or try somewhere different so I couldn't use the previous ticket machine code as no guarantees she'd park there. No worries I say but next time take some coins with you. Couple of hours later I realise she's not phoned so assumed she'd downloaded the app herself and managed to pay. I then gets a phone calls: "are you ok to bring up that app and pay for the parking?" "where are you?" "just heading back to the car" "so you've parked the car and left it for 2 hours with no printed ticket on it or having not used the app yourself to pay for the duration you wanted?" "....do I not pay as I'm leaving the car park" "what car park are you in?" "same as last week" "so you're in a bog standard Council car park?" ".....yes" "get back to the car pronto and if you've been collared by a traffic warden you're forking out for it....stupid cow" "but I can pay when I get back to the car surely?" "if a traffic warden comes by they'll either a. not see a printed ticket on the dashboard/window or b. their wee computer will probably show you've not used the app" Anyway, thankfully there was no parking fine on her windshield. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted October 20, 2021 Share Posted October 20, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Raithie said: First of all, I have no idea if I'm correct in this situation but I'm assuming I am. If I'm wrong I'm keeping shtum with the wife. My wife rarely ever carries cash on her and was down the high street a week or so ago and realised she'd struggle to park anywhere closeby that didn't charge for parking. She phoned to explain her predicament so I explained to her there is an app you can download and you input the number that's on the ticket machine and can pay that way using a bank card. She was in a rush so I told her instead of her downloading the app if she gave me the number on the ticket machine I would pay it via the app as I already had it on my phone. All sorted happy days. Yesterday she arranged to meet her pal for lunch - again down the high street. She phones on route down the high street and asks if she gives me the ticket machine number could I just quickly pay for her parking - she wasn't 100% sure if she'd park in same place or try somewhere different so I couldn't use the previous ticket machine code as no guarantees she'd park there. No worries I say but next time take some coins with you. Couple of hours later I realise she's not phoned so assumed she'd downloaded the app herself and managed to pay. I then gets a phone calls: "are you ok to bring up that app and pay for the parking?" "where are you?" "just heading back to the car" "so you've parked the car and left it for 2 hours with no printed ticket on it or having not used the app yourself to pay for the duration you wanted?" "....do I not pay as I'm leaving the car park" "what car park are you in?" "same as last week" "so you're in a bog standard Council car park?" ".....yes" "get back to the car pronto and if you've been collared by a traffic warden you're forking out for it....stupid cow" "but I can pay when I get back to the car surely?" "if a traffic warden comes by they'll either a. not see a printed ticket on the dashboard/window or b. their wee computer will probably show you've not used the app" Anyway, thankfully there was no parking fine on her windshield. "windscreen", shirley? Or do you put your "grocery shopping" in the "trunk"? Edited October 20, 2021 by Jacksgranda Sleppnig 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raithie Posted October 20, 2021 Share Posted October 20, 2021 44 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said: "windscreen", shirley? Or do you put your "grocery shopping" in the "trunk"? Yes, then I leave it on the sidwalk for the wife to take into the house and invariably she'll throw my Hershey candy in the trash can. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted October 20, 2021 Share Posted October 20, 2021 30 minutes ago, Raithie said: Yes, then I leave it on the sidwalk for the wife to take into the house and invariably she'll throw my Hershey candy in the trash can. I knew it, married a yank. Keep her well away from @Meldrew, particularly if she rides a bike... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oystercatcher Posted October 20, 2021 Share Posted October 20, 2021 3 hours ago, throbber said: Why do women put clean and folded clothes halfway up the stairs? If you’ve gone to the trouble of folding them and carrying them that far why not just go all the way upstairs instead of creating a trip hazard? And then complain that you walked by them without taking them with you. I swear my wife goes into my cupboard and takes out clean clothes to wash as there's not enough for a full load 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave258 Posted October 21, 2021 Share Posted October 21, 2021 On 16/10/2021 at 20:32, Peter Grant said: It’s probably empty Wait a minute, how come nobody has called out the fact you've got fucking mince pies on the go and it's only mid-October? Even Jesus doesn't take the piss celebrating his birthday this early mate. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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