C**** on a Train

[Black Dug]

Did you tag along to the stag doo?

Naw, sound guys but what they were planning wasn't really my cup of tea.

[Scary Bear]

Naw, sound guys but what they were planning wasn't really my cup of tea.

What were they planning? Shagging and killing a prostitute?

[DA Baracus]

2 hours ago, Scary Bear said:

 

What were they planning? Shagging and killing a prostitute?

 

Maybe they were, but he didn't like the order they were going to do it in?

[Black Dug]

What were they planning? Shagging and killing a prostitute?

Definitely one of the above. Not sure if there were any HGV drivers within the group or not.

[invergowrie arab]

Trains were empty today. An utter delight

[Scary Bear]

Definitely one of the above. Not sure if there were any HGV drivers within the group or not.

Any carpet salesmen?

[HTG]

Just on the train from waverley to Linlithgow and I'm sat behind maw, paw and 3 weans. The oldest wean is post-adolescent but less mature than the 2 wee ones. I've only had to suffer their family musings for about 5 minutes but I can't take much more. This c**t has an opinion about and an objection to everything the rest have to say. An utter c**t given that the other 2 weans are primary school age. Definite boot in the baws material. Get me fuckin home.

[2lgm]

On the virgin train from central to Euston. Guess what? There's an emergency hammer on the wall. I hope that's for c***s on the train. 3 hours in and its been a relatively pleasant journey but Peroni, headphones with James on certainly help it along.

[Ya Bezzer!]

Work night shift and was getting the train into Glasgow around 8pm.  It's usually pretty quiet.

So just minding my own business and I get that sort of feeling that you get when someone is standing close to you but you can't actually see them.  So I turn round and there he is.  It's Santa.  In July.  I'm obviously sitting down and 'Santa' is quite tall.  He stands in front of me in a way that is invasive of my personal space.  He puts his hands on his hips, arms akimbo and then just stares at me in quite an intense way. 

I'm not quite sure what to do - should I feel threatened or laugh at the bizarreness of it all.  I'd never really thought about it before but seeing Santa on a balmy July evening is so out of context it is actually pretty weird and discombobulating. Especially a silent, staring Santa.  With arms akimbo.

After about 10 or 15 seconds of intense silent staring and me being slightly awkward and not being quite sure to do, he moves off to the next passenger a few rows of seats down the train.  His modus operandi is the same.  Get in close, arms akimbo, intense staring and silence.  Then he moves off again.  I watch him go down the carriages of the train doing the same to the bemused passengers.

When he's 'done' every passenger on the train he starts moving up the train again when I take a pic to prove to a friend what happened was actually real.  Now it's my stop and I get up only to see Santa blocking the exit in a sort of St. Andrews cross pose across the door.  I get out another door but Santa remains blocking the exit of the train, letting no one on or off from the particular door.

Another train on the other line had just come in and the  passengers coming off that train look on agog at Santa blocking the doors.  I don't have time to hang around and make my way to work.

All very strange indeed.

[Dunning1874]

On 13/07/2017 at 07:39, Karpaty said:

Someone mentioned standing platform side at the gates at Queen Street waiting for the board to give them the departure platform - it's not that hard to work out which one it will be. If an Edinburgh train arrives at 5.24 on platform 5 and there's one leaving at 5.30 then it's obviously going to depart from platform 5. Just stand at that platform and not clutter the passageway. Silly c***s. 

This Queen St specific problem could, of course, be solved easily by displaying platform numbers more than 10 seconds before the train is due to depart.

[19QOS19]

Work night shift and was getting the train into Glasgow around 8pm.  It's usually pretty quiet.
So just minding my own business and I get that sort of feeling that you get when someone is standing close to you but you can't actually see them.  So I turn round and there he is.  It's Santa.  In July.  I'm obviously sitting down and 'Santa' is quite tall.  He stands in front of me in a way that is invasive of my personal space.  He puts his hands on his hips, arms akimbo and then just stares at me in quite an intense way. 
I'm not quite sure what to do - should I feel threatened or laugh at the bizarreness of it all.  I'd never really thought about it before but seeing Santa on a balmy July evening is so out of context it is actually pretty weird and discombobulating. Especially a silent, staring Santa.  With arms akimbo.
After about 10 or 15 seconds of intense silent staring and me being slightly awkward and not being quite sure to do, he moves off to the next passenger a few rows of seats down the train.  His modus operandi is the same.  Get in close, arms akimbo, intense staring and silence.  Then he moves off again.  I watch him go down the carriages of the train doing the same to the bemused passengers.
When he's 'done' every passenger on the train he starts moving up the train again when I take a pic to prove to a friend what happened was actually real.  Now it's my stop and I get up only to see Santa blocking the exit in a sort of St. Andrews cross pose across the door.  I get out another door but Santa remains blocking the exit of the train, letting no one on or off from the particular door.
Another train on the other line had just come in and the  passengers coming off that train look on agog at Santa blocking the doors.  I don't have time to hang around and make my way to work.
All very strange indeed.

I hope you take heed of his warning. He's clearly come down from the North Pole to give you 5 months to start being a good boy.

[supermik]

1 hour ago, Ya Bezzer! said:

Work night shift and was getting the train into Glasgow around 8pm.  It's usually pretty quiet.

So just minding my own business and I get that sort of feeling that you get when someone is standing close to you but you can't actually see them.  So I turn round and there he is.  It's Santa.  In July.  I'm obviously sitting down and 'Santa' is quite tall.  He stands in front of me in a way that is invasive of my personal space.  He puts his hands on his hips, arms akimbo and then just stares at me in quite an intense way. 

I'm not quite sure what to do - should I feel threatened or laugh at the bizarreness of it all.  I'd never really thought about it before but seeing Santa on a balmy July evening is so out of context it is actually pretty weird and discombobulating. Especially a silent, staring Santa.  With arms akimbo.

After about 10 or 15 seconds of intense silent staring and me being slightly awkward and not being quite sure to do, he moves off to the next passenger a few rows of seats down the train.  His modus operandi is the same.  Get in close, arms akimbo, intense staring and silence.  Then he moves off again.  I watch him go down the carriages of the train doing the same to the bemused passengers.

When he's 'done' every passenger on the train he starts moving up the train again when I take a pic to prove to a friend what happened was actually real.  Now it's my stop and I get up only to see Santa blocking the exit in a sort of St. Andrews cross pose across the door.  I get out another door but Santa remains blocking the exit of the train, letting no one on or off from the particular door.

Another train on the other line had just come in and the  passengers coming off that train look on agog at Santa blocking the doors.  I don't have time to hang around and make my way to work.

All very strange indeed.

You should have kicked his sac.

[Scary Bear]

Work night shift and was getting the train into Glasgow around 8pm.  It's usually pretty quiet.
So just minding my own business and I get that sort of feeling that you get when someone is standing close to you but you can't actually see them.  So I turn round and there he is.  It's Santa.  In July.  I'm obviously sitting down and 'Santa' is quite tall.  He stands in front of me in a way that is invasive of my personal space.  He puts his hands on his hips, arms akimbo and then just stares at me in quite an intense way. 
I'm not quite sure what to do - should I feel threatened or laugh at the bizarreness of it all.  I'd never really thought about it before but seeing Santa on a balmy July evening is so out of context it is actually pretty weird and discombobulating. Especially a silent, staring Santa.  With arms akimbo.
After about 10 or 15 seconds of intense silent staring and me being slightly awkward and not being quite sure to do, he moves off to the next passenger a few rows of seats down the train.  His modus operandi is the same.  Get in close, arms akimbo, intense staring and silence.  Then he moves off again.  I watch him go down the carriages of the train doing the same to the bemused passengers.
When he's 'done' every passenger on the train he starts moving up the train again when I take a pic to prove to a friend what happened was actually real.  Now it's my stop and I get up only to see Santa blocking the exit in a sort of St. Andrews cross pose across the door.  I get out another door but Santa remains blocking the exit of the train, letting no one on or off from the particular door.
Another train on the other line had just come in and the  passengers coming off that train look on agog at Santa blocking the doors.  I don't have time to hang around and make my way to work.
All very strange indeed.

Santa is obviously at a loose end in the summer months. Probably just looking for companionship, possibly more. He's quite a jolly fellow so probably has a GSOH.

From your description he comes across as a bit needy, with definite cuntish qualities.

[Bobby Skidmarks]

Louis Winthorpe imo.

 

 

 

[GordonD]

On 13/07/2017 at 07:39, Karpaty said:

Someone mentioned standing platform side at the gates at Queen Street waiting for the board to give them the departure platform - it's not that hard to work out which one it will be. If an Edinburgh train arrives at 5.24 on platform 5 and there's one leaving at 5.30 then it's obviously going to depart from platform 5. Just stand at that platform and not clutter the passageway. Silly c***s. 

But then they block the doors and stop people getting off the train.

[Michael W]

What's the view on being a c**t to someone who is acting like a c**t? 

A few months ago I was on the train home after work and it was standing room only (Friday night, lots of people leaving London for the West Country for the weekend).

Anyway, rather than put her case in the luggage rack, some woman decided to stand right by the sliding doors with her case, blocking it entirely. I accept there wasn't much room, but this was completely uncalled for and unsurprisingly caused a lot of difficulty for people getting off the train - people were really struggling to get past and itvwas holding everyone up. She could obviously see this, as well as some annoyed passengers on the platform who wanted to get on the train bit couldn't until people had got off. Having watched the woman in front of my just about give herself a hernia clambering over the case, I decided I couldn't be arsed with that type of nonsense. Instead, I just walked straight past, made no attempt to avoid the case and knocked it to the ground. No apology, no look at the woman and I just walked off the train. 

Does this make me a c**t, or am I only half a c**t since she was out of line and deserved it? 

Edited July 17, 2017 by Michael W

[itzdrk]

18 minutes ago, Michael W said:

What's the view on being a c**t to someone who is acting like a c**t? 

A few months ago I was on the train home after work and it was standing room only (Friday night, lots of people leaving London for the West Country for the weekend).

Anyway, rather than put her case in the luggage rack, some woman decided to stand right by the sliding doors with her case, blocking it entirely. I accept there wasn't much room, but this was completely uncalled for and unsurprisingly caused a lot of difficulty for people getting off the train - people were really struggling to get past and itvwas holding everyone up. She could obviously see this, as well as some annoyed passengers on the platform who wanted to get on the train bit couldn't until people had got off. Having watched the woman in front of my just about give herself a hernia clambering over the case, I decided I couldn't be arsed with that type of nonsense. Instead, I just walked straight past, made no attempt to avoid the case and knocked it to the ground. No apology, no look at the woman and I just walked off the train. 

Does this make me a c**t, or am I only half a c**t since she was out of line and deserved it? 

This is exactly what i would do so you are most likely in the wrong. 

[HTG]

^^^ Reasonable force. 

Should have posted this earlier but back in May I got on a train from Central to Wigan and met a high quality c**t. The train reservation system was fucked so it was every man for themselves. No problem - train was practically empty. There's a guy sitting in an extra legroom seat as you come into the coach so I grabbed the one in front of him. 

Then cunto appears in the shape of a 70 something harridan. She looks at the guy behind me. "This is my seat". "Sit anywhere" says the boy.  "But this is my seat". I interjected - "there are no reservations". "But I LIKE this seat, I always sit here". I'd have told her to fuckin bolt but incredibly the guy got up and gave her the seat. He then proceeded to sit back down beside her. "You're not going to sit there are you? There are plenty of other places to sit". 

I bit my lip - not my fight I thought. 

Anyway, 2 hours down the line and we're 15 minutes late. Ticket man comes along and it turns out this bint has a connection at Crewe and there's only 5 minutes between the trains. She has a wee hissy fit at the boy "what am I supposed to do. This happens every time!" Now she's got a point but most folk planning a long distance journey don't rely on 5 minutes for a change 250 miles away. The conductor suggested she might get an earlier train. By f**k she went mental. Demanding his name. "James" he said. "James what?!". They'll find me ok with James". She called him for everything. 

She was still haranguing him at Wigan. "Excuse me". Nothing - rant continues.  "Excuse me!". Nothing.  "Ho, get out my fuckin way". That caused her to pause and move. I left the conductor with a bit of encouragement "she's been a fuckin clown since she got on the train in Glasgow mate - pay no attention to her". And left him to it although I knew she'd follow through with a complaint so I fired an email to Virgin to set some context and confirm the boy was very professional. They were very pleased. I doubt if the old c**t was. 

 

Edited July 17, 2017 by HTG

[invergowrie arab]

45 minutes ago, Michael W said:

What's the view on being a c**t to someone who is acting like a c**t? 

A few months ago I was on the train home after work and it was standing room only (Friday night, lots of people leaving London for the West Country for the weekend).

Anyway, rather than put her case in the luggage rack, some woman decided to stand right by the sliding doors with her case, blocking it entirely. I accept there wasn't much room, but this was completely uncalled for and unsurprisingly caused a lot of difficulty for people getting off the train - people were really struggling to get past and itvwas holding everyone up. She could obviously see this, as well as some annoyed passengers on the platform who wanted to get on the train bit couldn't until people had got off. Having watched the woman in front of my just about give herself a hernia clambering over the case, I decided I couldn't be arsed with that type of nonsense. Instead, I just walked straight past, made no attempt to avoid the case and knocked it to the ground. No apology, no look at the woman and I just walked off the train. 

Does this make me a c**t, or am I only half a c**t since she was out of line and deserved it? 

They should pay you a footballers wage.

Similarly people a yard from the door on the platform who stand there , or worse try to get on , as you get off are fair game for being walked through.

Of course this almost exclusively applies to women and bairns I'm fairly sure I could batter if I needed to.

Edited July 17, 2017 by invergowrie arab

[ajwffc]

What's the view on being a c**t to someone who is acting like a c**t? 
A few months ago I was on the train home after work and it was standing room only (Friday night, lots of people leaving London for the West Country for the weekend).
Anyway, rather than put her case in the luggage rack, some woman decided to stand right by the sliding doors with her case, blocking it entirely. I accept there wasn't much room, but this was completely uncalled for and unsurprisingly caused a lot of difficulty for people getting off the train - people were really struggling to get past and itvwas holding everyone up. She could obviously see this, as well as some annoyed passengers on the platform who wanted to get on the train bit couldn't until people had got off. Having watched the woman in front of my just about give herself a hernia clambering over the case, I decided I couldn't be arsed with that type of nonsense. Instead, I just walked straight past, made no attempt to avoid the case and knocked it to the ground. No apology, no look at the woman and I just walked off the train. 
Does this make me a c**t, or am I only half a c**t since she was out of line and deserved it? 

If the case stayed in the train you were fine.
Out the train and onto the platform borderline c**t.
Halfway down the platform or under the train definitely a c**t.

^^^ Reasonable force. 
Should have posted this earlier but back in May I got on a train from Central to Wigan and met a high quality c**t. The train reservation system was fucked so it was every man for themselves. No problem - train was practically empty. There's a guy sitting in an extra legroom seat as you come into the coach so I grabbed the one in front of him. 
Then cunto appears in the shape of a 70 something harridan. She looks at the guy behind me. "This is my seat". "Sit anywhere" says the boy.  "But this is my seat". I interjected - "there are no reservations". "But I LIKE this seat, I always sit here". I'd have told her to fuckin bolt but incredibly the guy got up and gave her the seat. He then proceeded to sit back down beside her. "You're not going to sit there are you? There are plenty of other places to sit". 
I bit my lip - not my fight I thought. 
Anyway, 2 hours down the line and we're 15 minutes late. Ticket man comes along and it turns out this bint has a connection at Crewe and there's only 5 minutes between the trains. She has a wee hissy fit at the boy "what am I supposed to do. This happens every time!" Now she's got a point but most folk planning a long distance journey don't rely on 5 minutes for a change 250 miles away. The conductor suggested she might get an earlier train. By f**k she went mental. Demanding his name. "James" he said. "James what?!". They'll find me ok with James". She called him for everything. 
She was still haranguing him at Wigan. "Excuse me". Nothing - rant continues.  "Excuse me!". Nothing.  "Ho, get out my fuckin way". That caused her to pause and move. I left the conductor with a bit of encouragement "she's been a fuckin clown since she got on the train in Glasgow mate - pay no attention to her". And left him to it although I knew she'd follow through with a complaint so I fired an email to Virgin to set some context and confirm the boy was very professional. They were very pleased. I doubt if the old c**t was. 
 

I think the minimum recommended connection times are
5min for two train that are due to use the same platform
10 min for changing platforms for 2/3 platformed stations
At least 15min for any bigger sized station