Work colleagues

[Shandon Par]

2 minutes ago, TheScarf said:

There's some fat dick in my work who whenever the conversation turns to diet or food in general pipes up 'I don't eat that much'.  He's at least 20 stone and probably hasn't seen his penis for many years.  He also has 4 sandwiches, a packet of crisps,a chocolate bar and a bottle of Irn Bru everyday for lunch.

He also uses the lift instead of taking the stairs,

Does he always have a can of diet fizzy drink on the go? Seems to be a feature of the larger person in the workplace. 

[TheScarf]

Just now, Shandon Par said:

Does he always have a can of diet fizzy drink on the go? Seems to be a feature of the larger person in the workplace. 

Yeah sometimes.  The chubbers seem to think it negates the 2000 calorie and 100g of fat lunch they're also consuming.

[BFTD]

There's this c**t at work who bangs on constantly about how healthy his diet is, all the while slipping sideways glances at me, presumably because I'm fat. Bores the tits off everyone.

I wouldn't mind, but keeps slipping out for "a break", after which we invariably find him passed out across the stairs next to his hip flask. Pain in the arse using the lift to go down one flight, but it's better than waking him up.

[ICTJohnboy]

21 minutes ago, TheScarf said:

There's some fat dick in my work who whenever the conversation turns to diet or food in general pipes up 'I don't eat that much'.  He's at least 20 stone and probably hasn't seen his penis for many years.  He also has 4 sandwiches, a packet of crisps,a chocolate bar and a bottle of Irn Bru everyday for lunch.

He also uses the lift instead of taking the stairs,

 

I knew someone like that - at least 20 stone, 2 packs of BLT sandwiches, crisps, chocolate etc, for lunch.

He did however always insist on sweeteners for his coffee..

[BFTD]

I should add that I do, indeed, drink Diet Irn-Bru. It's the law, as @G_Man1985 will one day discover when he splits his pants from all that regular Bru.

[Cardinal Richelieu]

Aye, it's a common sight to see the chubsters staring forlornly at their plate of mixed leaves at lunch-time, then getting fired into the 3pm Snickers from the vending machine.

[Jmothecat2]

I don't like almost all diet drinks but for some reason I do like diet Irn Bru. Can't really figure that one out.

[Hedgecutter]

Someone from the office put a notice up above the sink in the canteen telling folk "wash your dishes, cups and cutlery up after yourselves". They are the worst culprits ironically.

Classic false flagging.

 

"If I put it up then people won't think it's me when I leave all my dishes in the sink, mwahahahaha!"

[throbber]

I have had an awful time of it from a few work colleagues of late and it's done my head in tbh. I did 4 years at uni and in the summers worked doing building work for a company and while the work was always shit and I was delighted to go back to uni, the co workers were fine and I never got any hassle whatsoever and the money was fine and paid for me to go on holiday whilst paying off debts. Since finishing uni for good I have been back there working since early May, I was happy enough going back and hadn't done enough to get a graduate position yet but that was okay as I was taking lots of time off for certain things in the summer and had holiday in August to save up for too. The general atmosphere at work has just been rather hostile and everyone has been looking for an excuse to go off about anything and I have been left feeling constantly anxious about things and have just been going to work feeling uncomfortable about things and then little comments that get passed around as banter have genuinely bothered me and I have been getting more and more pissed off going to work. July was a particularly bad month for me as my gf was sick all the time during her first trimester of her first pregnancy so I was going home to her being unwell and lying on the couch with the flat a mess after a day of working and getting constant attitude off knob head coworkers. July is usually my favourite month of the year but all of these negative attitudes rubbed off on me and got the better of me to the point I was genuinely miserable of late.

Hopefully this has been a blessing In disguise as I have been more proactive finding work and been picking up the phone a lot rather than just sending cvs and hoping for the best so I shouldn't have to work there ever again, it's just sad that it took such misery for me to pull the finger out and try and do better for myself.

[KnightswoodBear]

19 minutes ago, throbber said:

I have had an awful time of it from a few work colleagues of late and it's done my head in tbh. I did 4 years at uni and in the summers worked doing building work for a company and while the work was always shit and I was delighted to go back to uni, the co workers were fine and I never got any hassle whatsoever and the money was fine and paid for me to go on holiday whilst paying off debts. Since finishing uni for good I have been back there working since early May, I was happy enough going back and hadn't done enough to get a graduate position yet but that was okay as I was taking lots of time off for certain things in the summer and had holiday in August to save up for too. The general atmosphere at work has just been rather hostile and everyone has been looking for an excuse to go off about anything and I have been left feeling constantly anxious about things and have just been going to work feeling uncomfortable about things and then little comments that get passed around as banter have genuinely bothered me and I have been getting more and more pissed off going to work. July was a particularly bad month for me as my gf was sick all the time during her first trimester of her first pregnancy so I was going home to her being unwell and lying on the couch with the flat a mess after a day of working and getting constant attitude off knob head coworkers. July is usually my favourite month of the year but all of these negative attitudes rubbed off on me and got the better of me to the point I was genuinely miserable of late.

Hopefully this has been a blessing In disguise as I have been more proactive finding work and been picking up the phone a lot rather than just sending cvs and hoping for the best so I shouldn't have to work there ever again, it's just sad that it took such misery for me to pull the finger out and try and do better for myself.

They're all worried that they might be the father.

[throbber]

They're all worried that they might be the father.

Thanks for that input.

[KnightswoodBear]

1 minute ago, throbber said:

 

Thanks for that input.

 

np.  You know I'm always here for you.

[BFTD]

Cheer up, Throbs - you're probably halfway to the grave already. Maybe closer, if you're lucky.

That's the kind of inspiring thought that gets me through the day.

[Poet of the Macabre]

Consider your work dynamic as a TV show. How interesting/funny/exciting would it be and would you watch it?

[throbber]

Cheer up, Throbs - you're probably halfway to the grave already. Maybe closer, if you're lucky.
That's the kind of inspiring thought that gets me through the day.

Yeah. The thought that I will one day be dead gets me through the day!

[NorthernJambo]

Consider your work dynamic as a TV show. How interesting/funny/exciting would it be and would you watch it?

It'd be fuckin rotten (although I would be quite funny and maybe make it worth watching, if I do say so myself)

[invergowrie arab]

1 hour ago, throbber said:

I have had an awful time of it from a few work colleagues of late and it's done my head in tbh. I did 4 years at uni and in the summers worked doing building work for a company and while the work was always shit and I was delighted to go back to uni, the co workers were fine and I never got any hassle whatsoever and the money was fine and paid for me to go on holiday whilst paying off debts. Since finishing uni for good I have been back there working since early May, I was happy enough going back and hadn't done enough to get a graduate position yet but that was okay as I was taking lots of time off for certain things in the summer and had holiday in August to save up for too. The general atmosphere at work has just been rather hostile and everyone has been looking for an excuse to go off about anything and I have been left feeling constantly anxious about things and have just been going to work feeling uncomfortable about things and then little comments that get passed around as banter have genuinely bothered me and I have been getting more and more pissed off going to work. July was a particularly bad month for me as my gf was sick all the time during her first trimester of her first pregnancy so I was going home to her being unwell and lying on the couch with the flat a mess after a day of working and getting constant attitude off knob head coworkers. July is usually my favourite month of the year but all of these negative attitudes rubbed off on me and got the better of me to the point I was genuinely miserable of late.

Hopefully this has been a blessing In disguise as I have been more proactive finding work and been picking up the phone a lot rather than just sending cvs and hoping for the best so I shouldn't have to work there ever again, it's just sad that it took such misery for me to pull the finger out and try and do better for myself.

Depression thread for this pish.

[throbber]

Depression thread for this pish.

You're right enough tbh.

[LincolnHearts]

I work in a small team of 8, soon to be 9 maybe even 7. Thought that working in a smaller team would be better, but after 9 months In the job I'm in with more misfits and cranks than before.

Manager - The fattest, laziest, selfish fucker I have ever had the misfortune to work for. Always turns his phone off out of hours so some other mug will sort it. World Champion Sudoku player though.

Assistant Manager - Always bitching and arguing with the manager. Has about 6 shite breaks a day and is on the phone for hours.

Supervisor 1 - Decent enough young laddie, but seems to be hellbent on noising up the punters and being as unhelpful as possible with them. Future manager NAP.

Supervisor 2 - Sound c**t. Only one in there with no mental health issues (imho)

Customer Assistant 1 - Been there the longest out of everyone. Thick as f**k. If you ask her to do something, she'll do the opposite. Nearly injured a former colleague badly with an extension lead and a Hoover despite a power point being no more than 10 feet from what she was attempting to hoover up. Makes daily mistakes on the till and card machines. Unparalleled ability to break things.

Customer Assistant 2 - Was employed about 6 months before I turned up, with our manager looking to employ someone young, dynamic and flexible at the time. The boy is 66, can only work 3 days a week and hates serving customers. Recruitment master stroke.

Customer Assistant 3 - Nice enough young lassie, but is morbidly obese and has a habit of nipping for a pish or sneaking off to eat a donut when the shop is rammed.

Customer Assistant 4 - Former colleague of mine, who now looks at me as if to say 'cheers ya c**t' for bringing me into this.

I genuinely worry about who is next in when they advertise in September.

[Jmothecat2]

I work in a small team of 8, soon to be 9 maybe even 7. Thought that working in a smaller team would be better, but after 9 months In the job I'm in with more misfits and cranks than before.

Manager - The fattest, laziest, selfish fucker I have ever had the misfortune to work for. Always turns his phone off out of hours so some other mug will sort it. World Champion Sudoku player though.

Assistant Manager - Always bitching and arguing with the manager. Has about 6 shite breaks a day and is on the phone for hours.

Supervisor 1 - Decent enough young laddie, but seems to be hellbent on noising up the punters and being as unhelpful as possible with them. Future manager NAP.

Supervisor 2 - Sound c**t. Only one in there with no mental health issues (imho)

Customer Assistant 1 - Been there the longest out of everyone. Thick as f**k. If you ask her to do something, she'll do the opposite. Nearly injured a former colleague badly with an extension lead and a Hoover despite a power point being no more than 10 feet from what she was attempting to hoover up. Makes daily mistakes on the till and card machines. Unparalleled ability to break things.

Customer Assistant 2 - Was employed about 6 months before I turned up, with our manager looking to employ someone young, dynamic and flexible at the time. The boy is 66, can only work 3 days a week and hates serving customers. Recruitment master stroke.

Customer Assistant 3 - Nice enough young lassie, but is morbidly obese and has a habit of nipping for a pish or sneaking off to eat a donut when the shop is rammed.

Customer Assistant 4 - Former colleague of mine, who now looks at me as if to say 'cheers ya c**t' for bringing me into this.

I genuinely worry about who is next in when they advertise in September.

 

Where do you work?

 

Edit, actually probably better not say in case one of them finds this thread.