Work colleagues

[Fide]

Just now, mizfit said:

 

 

 

 

Last Christmas our work had a "cheesy jumper day" for xmas jumpers.

He wore 6 on top of each other and kept re-entering the competition.

 

 

Congratulations on refraining from handing him the battering he so obviously deserves.

[John Lambies Doos]

Last Christmas our work had a "cheesy jumper day" for xmas jumpers.

He wore 6 on top of each other and kept re-entering the competition.

He should get a new job in one of these 365 day Christmas stores

[Boghead ranter]

9 hours ago, mizfit said:

 

Had a few that spent all day watching love island at work recently.

One guy that used to work in our department took the utter piss every Christmas, he would spend from the 1st December to about the 20th decorating the floor. Redecorating the trees daily and crumpling paper so we could have a "snowball fight" periodically.

When he wasn't doing this he was watching either Elf or Die Hard on the big screen.

Then when the euros was on he decorated everything in the flags of all the competing countries. And would spend as little time doing his work as he could.

Thankfully I'm out of that team now.

 

 

32 minutes ago, mizfit said:

 

 

Last Christmas our work had a "cheesy jumper day" for xmas jumpers.

He wore 6 on top of each other and kept re-entering the competition.

 

 

 

[D.A.F.C]

Storesmen on the whole tend to be untouchable lazy b*****ds. What you wantin that fur? As if I'm selling it on eBay or asking for a spaceship.

[nsr]

I've realised that the IT dept in my current place of employ only seem to hire two sorts of people: highly experienced (and expensive) contractors who can get stuff done (somehow I fit into that category despite my appalling work ethic and tendency to watch Youtube) and placement students with zero experience to do simple stuff like basic web dev, but absolutely nobody in between those two extremes. The placement students leave after a year, presumably graduate and then look for graduate jobs, which we apparently don't offer. This is a massive IT department using fairly up to date tech. I have no idea why there isn't a graduate intake and some sort of training program. On the other hand it keeps me in a job so I'm not going to complain.

[Granny Danger]

Does anyone know of work colleagues who spend a disproportionate amount of their work day posting on a Scottish football forum?

 

[Homer Thompson]

35 minutes ago, Granny Danger said:

Does anyone know of work colleagues who spend a disproportionate amount of their work day posting on a Scottish football forum?

 

No. And I hope all my work colleagues would say the same 

[Ross.]

On 8/18/2017 at 22:37, philpy said:

Someone from the office put a notice up above the sink in the canteen telling folk "wash your dishes, cups and cutlery up after yourselves". They are the worst culprits ironically.

I came back to work on Monday after a fortnight off. There was a sign on one of the cubicles in the toilet that said something along the lines of "Shame on you if you are the guy who leaves the toilet like his ass exploded. Please clean up after yourself". As it was in English, I assumed they thought I was the guilty party, but given I was off for a fortnight I am pretty sure they also know it wasn't me.

On 8/24/2017 at 20:48, DA Baracus said:

I'm deeply suspicious of folk who eat lunch at their desk. In fact it shouldn't be allowed

We don't have a canteen or kitchen. We need to eat at our desks. We do however have a 20 quid a day food allowance and get our lunch delivered to our desks.

On 8/30/2017 at 10:59, NorthernJambo said:

c***s that copy you in to emails needlessly. Boy I know is particularly bad for this and it annoys me every time.

The other side of that is folk who continue to send things to individuals when they know it should go to the group mailbox. We have one guy in here who does it several times a day despite being on the end of constant bollockings from management. He doesn't bother checking who is in, just sends it to an individual and assumes it is dealt with.

36 minutes ago, Granny Danger said:

Does anyone know of work colleagues who spend a disproportionate amount of their work day posting on a Scottish football forum?

Most of my work colleagues know a guy like that.

[ICTChris]

Does anyone know of work colleagues who spend a disproportionate amount of their work day posting on a Scottish football forum?
 

My boss in my last job in Inverness uses to ask me how much Pie and Bovril time I had planned that day. He was a top man.

[Granny Danger]

3 minutes ago, ICTChris said:

 

My boss in my last job in Inverness uses to ask me how much Pie and Bovril time I had planned that day. He was a top man.
 

 

If he had cut it down to zero instead he would have been even topper.

[Dindeleux]

For anyone in North Ayrshire around the age of 30 you'll probably have heard of Excel call centre. It was basically just everyone who left school with no qualifications and had no other options for a job - total scam selling and the people who ran it got the jail in the end up.

Anyway, nobody gave two shits about the job as you would expect but we had this one guy in our team who took it far too seriously. He brought a briefcase in and would be the go-to person to cover if the manager was off or in meetings etc. He would grass people up for hanging up on calls all that sort of stuff. His name was Mark and he was about 30 with the rest of us being either 16-21 or (even worse) the people his age or older and giving even less of a f**k than us youngsters.

He worse glasses and was given the imaginative name of Speccy. A couple of the guys in my team one day brought in some straws from McDonalds and taped them all together to make one big long straw (maybe about 6 feet, long enough to go across a few desks, quite possibly inspired by the episode of Friends) and proceeded to start trying to get it under his glasses and poke him in the eye whilst he took calls. Being the geek that he was he didn't take too kindly to this as he really wanted to do a great job but he wouldn't say anything about it to the people involved and just sat there with his face getting redder and redder. This went on intermittently for a few days and brought much hilarity to all.

What happened next was that people from other pods heard the semi regular laughter and as a result started to make their own McDonalds eye pokers. People were making these mammoth contraptions which must've been up to 18 feet long and all started poking this poor guy on the head with them. People were joining their devices together and it was the best few days in work I can remember anywhere.

After a few weeks of this, with bosses just laughing away with us, the guy snapped one day and just stood up, threw his headset off and screamed something that was impossible to even make out as he was clearly on the verge of tears at the situation.

Never saw the guy again.

[Torpar]

^^^^^^^^^^ I love a good office breakdown!

I worked for four years with one of the big insurance companies in Edinburgh, the first three years I quite liked the job, I’d be in everyday at 8am, I was in a good team and I was quite good at my job. The company at some point was taken over by Lloyds and then everything seemed to go downhill, some of the good bosses were let go, we stopped getting Scottish bank holidays among other things. In my last year I pretty much checked out, I was depressed with Scotland in general. We had flexi time but you had to be in between 10am and 4pm, towards the end I was working just that, 10-4 everyday, I’m sure at the end I was minus a week or so in flexi time. And my team at work went from almost 100% good kents, to 75% bellends. Ex Brechin, Alloa, Raith etc player Darren Smith was among the good guys. Anyway now I’ve set the scene.

 

We would get a lot of phone calls from IFAs asking us to do, you were suppose to create a task for this and it would be picked up by one of the team to do. Towards the end of my time there I would take the phone calls but wouldn’t always create a task, just couldn't be bothered anymore, this would lead to follow up calls by angry IFAs wondering why something hadn’t been done. We had an English guy in our team, Tony, who was a big oaf of a guy, Spurs fan I’m sure. One day I strolled in a 9.55 and saw that Tony was on the phone looking quite stressed out and getting redder and redder. After a lot of apologising and promises he ended the call, threw his headset at the desk, bringing a plastic bit off that hit the woman next to him and he stormed off. It shouldn't be really but it’s still one of my proudest achievements there, managing to break another human being. Soon after that my boss gave me the option to leave before I was sacked.

[BallochSonsFan]

6 hours ago, nsr said:

I've realised that the IT dept in my current place of employ only seem to hire two sorts of people: highly experienced (and expensive) contractors who can get stuff done (somehow I fit into that category despite my appalling work ethic and tendency to watch Youtube) and placement students with zero experience to do simple stuff like basic web dev, but absolutely nobody in between those two extremes. The placement students leave after a year, presumably graduate and then look for graduate jobs, which we apparently don't offer. This is a massive IT department using fairly up to date tech. I have no idea why there isn't a graduate intake and some sort of training program. On the other hand it keeps me in a job so I'm not going to complain.

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

[senorsoupe]

In my younger days I worked at one of those shitty call centers that had very minimum hiring standards.  A lot of the people I worked with were complete morons, including the girl who at the end of a 4 week training session put her hand up and said to the trainer "I can't go on the phones, I don't know anything yet", surprisingly she wasn't sacked for that, but was sacked as being one of the people on the below list.

Anyways, a few people who were sacked for some interesting reasons, one for being a serial lunch thief, one for wanking at his desk while taking calls, two for shagging in the washroom on breaks, two for pretending to try to unionize, and one for having a complete meltdown and screaming at a client to go f**k themselves.

And I only worked there for a couple of months....

Edited September 8, 2017 by senorsoupe

[coprolite]

I used to work with a guy whose job requirements consisted of, as far as I could tell, playing solitaire on his computer. When clients visited the office, we had to take them the long way round to avoid walking past his desk. Towards the end of the nineties, the company went through several rounds of layoffs. He survived each one and for all I know, may still be there.

i have seen loads of folk doing this. Why do something more boring than work?

[BFTD]

37 minutes ago, senorsoupe said:

In my younger days I worked at one of those shitty call centers that had very minimum hiring standards.  A lot of the people I worked with were complete morons, including the girl who at the end of a 4 week training session put her hand up and said to the trainer "I can't go on the phones, I don't know anything yet", surprisingly she wasn't sacked for that, but was sacked as being one of the people on the below list.

Anyways, a few people who were sacked for some interesting reasons, one for being a serial lunch thief, one for wanking at his desk while taking calls, two for shagging in the washroom on breaks, two for pretending to try to unionize, and one for having a complete meltdown and screaming at a client to go f**k themselves.

And I only worked there for a couple of months....

Alright, so we know she didn't w**k at her desk. I'm guessing she told the client to go f**k themselves.

Wait, was the wanking guy also a client?

[senorsoupe]

Just now, BigFatTabbyDave said:

Alright, so we know she didn't w**k at her desk. I'm guessing she told the client to go f**k themselves.

Wait, was the wanking guy also a client?

The wanking guy was not a client, even before "the incident" he was known as that creepy guy.  The person in question was actually one of the two people caught enjoying extra activities in the washroom

[Shotgun]

Working in a call centre is an interesting insight into the underbelly of humanity. I saw fist fights, people crying hysterically because someone had moved their mug an inch from where they left it, drug deals and too many employees being escorted from the premises while screaming blue murder and issuing death threats.

My personal favourite was the guy who on the first day of training, when they were doing the 'tell us a little something about yourself' ice-breaker, led off with "Well, I was fired from my last job for looking at child pornography on my work computer."  

Oooookeydokey then.

[John Lambies Doos]

Anyways, a few people who were sacked for some interesting reasons, one for being a serial lunch thief,

Ffs Supermilk

[Dindeleux]

If you work in a shitty call centre like this (especially if it is quite big) you will be shagging every weekend regardless of your looks and personality.