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Calling Cards of Morons


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On 13/10/2019 at 15:26, BigFatTabbyDave said:

Trending on Twitter today: #SpoilAMovieIn2Words.

Not just that it's a shit idea without a single entry worth reading, but the number of people who've read the hashtag, presumably looked at existing tweets from other people, and then added their own tweet consisting of three words or more, is astonishing.

The Usual Suspects: hirplin' fellae.

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That's made me feel so christmassy, we're getting so close to the season of glum looking folk in the paper holding their docket for a collapsed savings scheme.
My favourites are theme parks with a couple of red painted bins and a rottweiler with plastic antlers tied on in a muddy scrapyard.
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3 hours ago, Jason King said:

These folk all have enough access to the Internet to use Facebook but can't use it to book their own holidays? 

Then they also take to said Internet, to advertise the fact that they are easily duped? 

I think I can get compensation for them. I just require a modest deposit to cover the court fees. 

 

 

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These folk all have enough access to the Internet to use Facebook but can't use it to book their own holidays? 
Then they also take to said Internet, to advertise the fact that they are easily duped? 
I think I can get compensation for them. I just require a modest deposit to cover the court fees. 
 
 
Start a gofundme for them.
Just don't tell them it exists
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Folk who buy things on eBay, then send the seller a list of questions: "before I buy, I just wanted to ask..."

Before you buy? WTF did you think was happening when you clicked 'Buy It Now' and input your payment details? Just take your refund and f**k off before the inevitable, "well, the TV arrived and I'm a bit disappointed that this 20-year-old model I paid £30 for isn't 4K and 3D ready" message.

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5 hours ago, Skerla said:

People who go to car ‘meets’

Especially the ones who go to Paul Walker memorials in places like Kirkcaldy.

Their exhausts always sound fucked for some reason. You'd think if you were into cars you would get them replaced... 

Edited by Angusfifer
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22 hours ago, MixuFixit said:


I mind seeing a load of those kind of cars parked in a church and twigged it was a funeral for one of them who must have driven into a wall or whatever. You'd think this'd give pause for reflection.

You should've slowly driven by the funeral blasting 'Ironic' by Alanis Morrisette. That would've cheered up proceedings. 

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On 20/10/2019 at 14:29, Angusfifer said:

Their exhausts always sound fucked for some reason. You'd think if you were into cars you would get them replaced... 

Maybe that's why their exhausts are f****d...

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I was walking home with the wife and child today when from behind I could hear the familiar beat of a true winner in life. The stereo was pumping out some joiner music beat and the windows were down for everyone to enjoy his tunes.

You can only imagine my surprise when he drew level with me and it wasn't a teenager in a hatchback but a 40+ male in a saloon.

Tragic doesn't begin to cover my thoughts.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Leaving raging messages in the 'Questions & Answers' section of Google's listing for a business and expecting a response, rather than actually getting in touch with the business directly.

Bonus idiocy points if there are already hundreds of unanswered questions along the lines of "YOUSE NEVER TURNT UP MA MAW BIN WATEIN AW DAY CUD OV TOWD HER U WURENT CUMMIN WERE DU AH GET MA MUNNY BAK"

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Thinking that "Don't eat yellow snow" is the funniest thing ever.

I first heard it over 50 years ago and I'm sure it was far from new then. I've  probably heard it/seen it written a million times since and it hasn't got any funnier. Yet for some reason, men of a certain age will trot it out at every opportunity and each one seems to think they're the wittiest guy on the planet.

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9 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

Thinking that "Don't eat yellow snow" is the funniest thing ever.

I first heard it over 50 years ago and I'm sure it was far from new then. I've  probably heard it/seen it written a million times since and it hasn't got any funnier. Yet for some reason, men of a certain age will trot it out at every opportunity and each one seems to think they're the wittiest guy on the planet.

Laplanders tell their kids that to stop them getting shroomed out of their boxes when herding reindeer. The reindeer diet is mainly bracken and psilocybin.

Spoiler

Some of that may be untrue, or not.

 

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