SlipperyP Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 amateurs the fucking lot of you. playing right winger for St Pauls against Star Hearts, i had the game of my life, in the 3rd round scottish cup, tore the arse out there captain and best player, At the end of the game, he spat on my face,, He' punched me and then got send off. After getting showered and back on the wee mini bus, about 5 of their players stareded to throw stoned at us. i jumped off, but because the mini bus was on it's way, I fell on my arse, that became about 10 (hollywood) 25 guys all giving me the right boot. The next game, as they were in our league, I got sent off for punching their 40 year manager, then turning round and asking who want somes? Went for the biggest lump they had. p 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 I did also with older friends, pore petrol all over cars on a Tuesday night while a football team were traing, never set alight.... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 Better than approaching random Muslim women on dating apps to accuse them of being terrorists, but only just. Was that Donnie the puddle-drinker? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 17 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkay said: nobody comments, about the wee p***k, getting a hard to the right jaw.... then the AFC giving it 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 On 18/03/2023 at 08:56, Moomintroll said: Sorry for going dark here, but an ex work colleague got drunk during a fancy dress fun day when he should have been working. I was the Duty Manager & told him to go to the canteen to calm down, I didn't offer to give him a lift home even though it would have been no problem & he was struck & killed by a car while walking along the road home. If I wasn't so annoyed with him for upsetting the shift plan, he might still be alive now. I failed badly that day & it has haunted me ever since, I hate myself for it. Not your fault at all. My dad had a similar thing. He was a policeman and one night was chasing a burglar. The burglar tried jumping over a short wall but his foot caught it as he was going over. He landed on his head, and had life changing injuries as a result. I know that haunted my old man for a long time, even though it wasn't his fault. Just a freak occurrence . 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 49 minutes ago, throbber said: Always wondered what a "time-waster" would actually do. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 (edited) 20 minutes ago, coprolite said: Always wondered what a "time-waster" would actually do. I once answered an advert in the music press "Keyboard player required: Doors, Floyd, etc. Must be committed, no time wasters" You can guess the rest. Edited March 20, 2023 by Ross. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuzzydunlop Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 Not the worst thing I've ever done....but one that still haunts me a bit. When I was 15 my younger brother came into the house telling me some older kids had been bullying him on his way home from school. He'd always looked after himself and I hadn't experienced this before so wasn't sure what to do. But I felt I had to do something to at least show my brother I would stand up for him. Theres a 5 year age gap between us. Being a fairly level headed young man at the time I decided to go round to where these 'bullies' were hanging out which was a bus stop round the corner from our hoose. My plan was to calmly tell them to quit the bullying or I'd be going to their parents and with my 'strong' words it would give them a scare.. When I got there, there's these three kids of maybe about 12 years old...so couple years older than my brother but younger than me and probably about two foot smaller than me. One of the kids, was a known little sh*te from our estate. I walked up and said words to the effect of "listen lads, my brother is younger and smaller than you so quit picking on him - alright". To which the main wee guy stood up and walk towards me saying "what the f*ck you going to do about it?". With his mates giggling behind him. I saw red and before I knew it I had landed the wee c*nt with a right hook knocking him flat on his arse. I dont think I've ever punched anyone as sweetly before or since in my life. He got up holding his face and started bawling his eyes out and ran home. Although on the outside I calmly walked away with my brother behind me thinking I was great. Inside I was f*cking sh*teing it, worried about what was going to happen next and to this day(I'm 48) I still think about what an idiot I was. Bizarrely nothing ever did happen. He must've either must've realised he was wrong in the first place and not grassed or else his parents were used to him being a wee dick to people and getting his heid punched in so ignored it. To add further context I was talking to my brother about it recently. He told me he still sees the lad about and he's "got right into the weights and is a total unit". So I'm expecting to be out one night and get a tap on the shoulder with "remember me".... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 Posted this before but wiped my arse on the flag from the green of the 9th hole of Braehead Golf Club. Then put it back. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busta Nut Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 33 minutes ago, fuzzydunlop said: To add further context I was talking to my brother about it recently. He told me he still sees the lad about and he's "got right into the weights and is a total unit". So I'm expecting to be out one night and get a tap on the shoulder with "remember me".... Aye you are fucked 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 1 hour ago, throbber said: One time in high school I spat on the a car that belonged to the mother of a child I didn’t like. At school there was a girl who passed her driving test and her folks bought her a brand new car. They also made her use green P plates as she had just passed the test. Every day people stole those P plates. Every day the car came back with a fresh set. At the end of the school year they covered the car with the P plates. Not me, but I did have a laugh at it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 I told a girl in my class on a night out that she was ugly and i hated her. No idea why and no excuses. She was no oil painting but i didn't dislike her in the slightest. I still feel guilty about that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamamafegan Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 There was this kid that used to hang out with us - he was a wee geek and annoying. One day he annoyed me so much that I stuffed holly leaves down the back of his t-shirt. He ran away home screaming and crying. Later that day his mum went round to my house and was rightfully raging, saying that her sons back was covered in cuts and scratches. Needless to say I got a bollocking from my folks for being such a shit. I remember seeing him in the passing a few times years later when we had grown up and I would would always feel bad. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jives Miguel Posted March 20, 2023 Author Share Posted March 20, 2023 2 hours ago, throbber said: I was trolling someone asking what they meant by saying no time wasters as well but didn’t get a screenshot of it at time and can’t log back in. I am certainly not proud of my behaviour. One time in high school I spat on the a car that belonged to the mother of a child I didn’t like. I've spat on a car before for blocking entry onto a pavement. Had to go out onto the road with a pram to get round him. Big fucking grogger right onto the windscreen for my troubles. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 40 minutes ago, coprolite said: I told a girl in my class on a night out that she was ugly and i hated her. No idea why and no excuses. She was no oil painting but i didn't dislike her in the slightest. I still feel guilty about that. Sometimes I'll remember something I said like this, and wonder if the person in question would benefit at all from an apology. Then I remember I'm likely the only snowflake in existence who'd feel guilty about it, and they'd probably just unearth memories of why I'd said it in the first place by being an utter c**t. 23 minutes ago, jamamafegan said: There was this kid that used to hang out with us - he was a wee geek and annoying. One day he annoyed me so much that I stuffed holly leaves down the back of his t-shirt. He ran away home screaming and crying. Later that day his mum went round to my house and was rightfully raging, saying that her sons back was covered in cuts and scratches. Needless to say I got a bollocking from my folks for being such a shit. I remember seeing him in the passing a few times years later when we had grown up and I would would always feel bad. ...and that child would grow up to be <insert poster name here>. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 3 hours ago, scottsdad said: Posted this before but wiped my arse on the flag from the green of the 9th hole of Braehead Golf Club. Then put it back. A fair and accurate critique of golf 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvio Tattiescone Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 4 hours ago, scottsdad said: Posted this before but wiped my arse on the flag from the green of the 9th hole of Braehead Golf Club. Then put it back. You know they can find you with DNA testing? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuzzydunlop Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 Probably doesn't fall into the category of "worst" but was certainly funny and I did have some pangs of regret afterwards. 6th year at High School. Wee guy in our year. He was alright but could sometimes be a smart arse. His parents were really religious and he was always going to Bible Studies and that sorta sh*te. So he could be a bit preachy to other folk. We were in 6th year at School and some of us had passed our driving tests. This guy had fancied this lassie in our year for ages...most lads fancied her as she was pretty but also a good laugh. However she was also into all the religious carry on so that scared a few folk off. One day the lad came in boasting that he was picking this girl up on Thursday night to go to a Bible Studies meeting at someone's house as a 'date'. He'd got permission to use his mums Golf GTI to go pick her up so they could go to the meeting together. We all assumed she was just getting a free lift but he was adamant it was a date. As was the way, to pass the time in those days myself and few mates were out in the car driving about on the Thursday night when someone spotted him driving in the opposite direction with the girl in the car. We decided to follow him(creepy I know) and ended up in this really posh housing estate where they were going for the bible meeting. One of us(not me I must add) decided it would be a good idea to go back to their house, pick up some cellotape and also get a load of Sunday Sport newspapers that they'd been keeping in his shed, go back upto to where this lad had parked his car. Then we proceeded to plaster his car with pictures of tits. Literally the whole car covered in tits. We then sat along the road in a vantage position waiting. Eventually he comes out with this girl...could see him pointing at the car and then he went absolutely apeshit, ripping off the newspaper and shouting. We were parked about 6 cars away and we could hear him shouting and bawling. Pictures of tits blowing down the street, neighbours out in the street wondering what was going, tits all over their nice gardens.... How no one heard us laughing is beyond me. Weirdly next day at school we asked him how his night had been. He didnt mention it. We didn't own up and nothing was said about it. He never got a second 'date' either.... 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loonytoons Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 4 hours ago, scottsdad said: Posted this before but wiped my arse on the flag from the green of the 9th hole of Braehead Golf Club. Then put it back. 18 minutes ago, Newbornbairn said: You know they can find you with DNA testing? Too many DNA profiles on the flag. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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