What's the worst thing you've ever done?

[Clangers]

Was in Florence about 20 years ago with the future Mrs Clangers, been drinking on and off all day while seeing tourists stuff and eating. Ended up get a drink in a bar/café outdoor at one of the big squares. Suddenly my guts start to go so grab a bunch of napkins (seasoned traveler) and seek the nearest convenience. I spy one down a corridor, I can’t find the lights but i am in a hurry, it’s European the probably don’t work, a few seconds later once finished I try and flush and nothing happens. It’s only then that when I open the door to reassess the situation I discover it’s actually not plumbed in as it’s a storage cupboard.

I quickly make my way outside and usher the girlfriend on to a different bar. I felt guilty a bit but at least they could take the whole thing outside and spray it down!

[Clangers]

Actually just reminded me! 10 years later I tuned up day shift very early Monday after a heavy weekend, guts start to go and look at the two toilets that have been used by 100 railway boys over the weekend! Suddenly I remember there is a disabled toilet in our Porto cabin city, it’s used as a paper storage, move the boxes and happiness. Then discovered it is also not got water, it was plumbed in as 10L of screenwash fixed the damage.

[johnnydun]

Some of the worst thing's people have done on here, isn't really that bad.

I must be an utter c**t.

Things I don't even think I could divulge, as I don't know if it could still catch up to me after 15+ years.

[welshbairn]

5 minutes ago, johnnydun said:

Some of the worst thing's people have done on here, isn't really that bad.

I must be an utter c**t.

Things I don't even think I could divulge, as I don't know if it could still catch up to me after 15+ years.

^^^ This, I doubt they've even needed to lay a patio.

[Cosmic Joe]

7 minutes ago, johnnydun said:

Some of the worst thing's people have done on here, isn't really that bad.

I must be an utter c**t.

Things I don't even think I could divulge, as I don't know if it could still catch up to me after 15+ years.

Treat this thread as a confessional. We are the collective Priest. In all liklihood you will receive absolution. 

[Clangers]

16 minutes ago, johnnydun said:

Some of the worst thing's people have done on here, isn't really that bad.

I must be an utter c**t.

Things I don't even think I could divulge, as I don't know if it could still catch up to me after 15+ years.

I think we are using this as a slight form of enjoyment. 
 

not the true guilt we might have! 
 

But if I can bought my best mate cocaine when we met up in Hong Kong and 4 hours later he was dead! Fucks me up most weeks!

[johnnydun]

15 minutes ago, Cosmic Joe said:

Treat this thread as a confessional. We are the collective Priest. In all liklihood you will receive absolution. 

 Not a chance I can give details of the worst thing's I have done, that will between me and a real Priest on my death bed.

A couple of misdemeanours I can share, when I was a teenager I was a bit of a fire bug and burned down a health club and a golf club house.

[johnnydun]

3 minutes ago, Clangers said:

I think we are using this as a slight form of enjoyment. 
 

not the true guilt we might have! 
 

But if I can bought my best mate cocaine when we met up in Hong Kong and 4 hours later he was dead! Fucks me up most weeks!

Shite mate, I hope you don't blame yourself for that. I can see how that would be high on your list of things especially if you feel a sense of guilt about it.

[tamthebam]

11 minutes ago, johnnydun said:

 Not a chance I can give details of the worst thing's I have done, that will between me and a real Priest on my death bed.

A couple of misdemeanours I can share, when I was a teenager I was a bit of a fire bug and burned down a health club and a golf club house.

The Dundee board are asking if you're doing anything on Saturday night... 

[Clangers]

Nah fucked me up completely, you have to tell guilty you killed your best mate!

 

I have tried to use it towards my family, I have devoted my love to them.

[scotfree]

On 21/03/2023 at 02:21, fuzzydunlop said:

Probably doesn't fall into the category of "worst" but was certainly funny and I did have some pangs of regret afterwards.

6th year at High School.  Wee guy in our year. He was alright but could sometimes be a smart arse.   His parents were really religious and he was always going to Bible Studies and that sorta sh*te.   So he could be a bit preachy to other folk.  

We were in 6th year at School and some of us had passed our driving tests.  This guy had fancied this lassie in our year for ages...most lads fancied her as she was pretty but also a good laugh.  However she was also into all the religious carry on so that scared a few folk off. 

One day the lad came in boasting that he was picking this girl up on Thursday night to go to a Bible Studies meeting at someone's house as a 'date'.   He'd got permission to use his mums Golf GTI to go pick her up so they could go to the meeting together.  We all assumed she was just getting a free lift but he was adamant it was a date.

As was the way, to pass the time in those days myself and few mates were out in the car driving about on the Thursday night when someone spotted him driving in the opposite direction with the girl in the car.  We decided to follow him(creepy I know) and ended up in this really posh housing estate where they were going for the bible meeting.

One of us(not me I must add) decided it would be a good idea to go back to their house, pick up some cellotape and also get a load of Sunday Sport newspapers that they'd been keeping in his shed, go back upto to where this lad had parked his car. Then we proceeded to plaster his car with pictures of tits.  Literally the whole car covered in tits.

We then sat along the road in a vantage position waiting.   Eventually he comes out with this girl...could see him pointing at the car and then he went absolutely apeshit, ripping off the newspaper and shouting.  We were parked about 6 cars away and we could hear him shouting and bawling.   Pictures of tits blowing down the street, neighbours out in the street wondering what was going, tits all over their nice gardens.... How no one heard us laughing is beyond me.

Weirdly next day at school we asked him how his night had been. He didnt mention it. We didn't own up and nothing was said about it.   He never got a second 'date' either....

 

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

11 hours ago, johnnydun said:

Some of the worst thing's people have done on here, isn't really that bad.

I must be an utter c**t.

Things I don't even think I could divulge, as I don't know if it could still catch up to me after 15+ years.

That bread and wine thing, the wine was a poor Merlot and the bread wasn't even sourdough.

[fuzzydunlop]

On 24/03/2023 at 08:27, scotfree said:

 

mate, you arent far from the truth...reason I liked that show so much was it was pretty much bang on with the guys I hung about with.

Still good mates with the 'Jay' character...maybe not as exaggerated as Jay but he's the guy when your at a Lap Dancing club for a Stag night who thinks the strippers fancy him.

[Florentine_Pogen]

On 23/03/2023 at 23:13, johnnydun said:

 Not a chance I can give details of the worst thing's I have done, that will between me and a real Priest on my death bed.

A couple of misdemeanours I can share, when I was a teenager I was a bit of a fire bug and burned down a health club and a golf club house.

You sure that was all you did, Phoenix ?

https://www.heraldscotland.com/default_content/12368762.greenkeepers-find-burning-body-carnoustie-golf-course/

[johnnydun]

7 minutes ago, Florentine_Pogen said:

You sure that was all you did, Phoenix ?

https://www.heraldscotland.com/default_content/12368762.greenkeepers-find-burning-body-carnoustie-golf-course/

No, I can confirm that one wasn't me.

[Joe Terrapin]

I had a phone number one digit out from a busy Glasgow lawyer and used to get phone calls in the middle of the night(pre mobile days)from family members wanting me to immediately head to local nick and represent their poor wee innocent scrotes against injustice and repression . I initially explained the confusion but got so fed up of being woken up I eventually decided to assume the identity of the lawyer and assured the caller I would immediately attend and represent their loved one(s).

[tongue_tied_danny]

1 hour ago, Joe Terrapin said:

I had a phone number one digit out from a busy Glasgow lawyer and used to get phone calls in the middle of the night(pre mobile days)from family members wanting me to immediately head to local nick and represent their poor wee innocent scrotes against injustice and repression . I initially explained the confusion but got so fed up of being woken up I eventually decided to assume the identity of the lawyer and assured the caller I would immediately attend and represent their loved one(s).

^^^ Giovanni Di Stefano

[Sweet Pete]

Had one of those mini kegs of beer aged around 18. After a few pints you need to open the air bung in the top to allow it to continue to flow. Next day few pints left in it when my annoying mate popped round. Me and my other mate cracked cans from the fridge and knowing the annoying lad would be after poncing our beer, I waited until he was distracted, took the mini keg to the bathroom, pished into the air bung then returned the mini keg to the kitchen and invited him to "help himself to the keg". He had 3 pints and never complained once.

[johnnydun]

1 hour ago, Sweet Pete said:

Had one of those mini kegs of beer aged around 18. After a few pints you need to open the air bung in the top to allow it to continue to flow. Next day few pints left in it when my annoying mate popped round. Me and my other mate cracked cans from the fridge and knowing the annoying lad would be after poncing our beer, I waited until he was distracted, took the mini keg to the bathroom, pished into the air bung then returned the mini keg to the kitchen and invited him to "help himself to the keg". He had 3 pints and never complained once.

Probably thought it was Stella.

[fuzzydunlop]

19 hours ago, Joe Terrapin said:

I had a phone number one digit out from a busy Glasgow lawyer and used to get phone calls in the middle of the night(pre mobile days)from family members wanting me to immediately head to local nick and represent their poor wee innocent scrotes against injustice and repression . I initially explained the confusion but got so fed up of being woken up I eventually decided to assume the identity of the lawyer and assured the caller I would immediately attend and represent their loved one(s).

had a similar thing. Our landline was one digit different from a local letting agency helpline.  We started getting messages on our answering machine from folk complaining about various things regarding their accommodation.

When lockdown hit and I was working from home I started getting the calls during the day.  The thing was folk would automatically start ranting at me before I had the chance to explain it was a wrong number.

Eventually I took to just responding to their complaints with "I dont give a f*ck mate",  "just deal with it and stop moaning", "who the f*ck are you talking to ya c*nt?!",  and allsorts of other responses that started to get more surreal as time went on.  Only stopped cos the wife kept having ago at me for being childish but it did keep me occupied during lockdown for a bit.