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Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...


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The night before is fine but it depends on the type of sandwich.

Make a sandwich at 8am with watery ingredients like tomatoes and salad cream and come 12pm it'll be a sloppy mess, whereas a straight ham and cheese effort will last for 24 hours.

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People who say "Coldslaw"

Also: people who say Liquorish. It's fucking Liquorice. And it's disgusting.

People on Jeremy Kyle who refer to texts as "textes"

I genuinely don't think I've ever seen a person on this programme say the word properly.

How many times have you watched that shite? It must be a large number to have formed that opinion. Change the channel!

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Toilets with tiny splash pools, meaning an area the size of a Tunnocks teacake to aim at. I mean, WTF?

To cheer me up however (I'm typing this on the pan btw), a guy's shitting in the cubicle next to me which I know is out of shitter paper. This should be entertaining...

Missed opportunity to use some paper then tap on the wall and ask if he has any as you are out..

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The weekly food shop.

Auld b*****ds clogging up the aisle, teenage mothers letting there bairn scream at the top of their voice, neds having a serious discussion over their gadgy drink of choice.

And the ridiculously fast checkout attendees who scan everything before you can start packing your first bag.

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Farmers. c***s are always on the news moaning about the price of milk, funny how they are all living in mansions driving top spec Range Rovers and Bentleys,* also if you fucking smear mud all over the road can you clear it off, its dangerous. Thank you.

*apart from the old b*****d that drives his tractor about Dundee in the rush hour.

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The night before is fine but it depends on the type of sandwich.

Make a sandwich at 8am with watery ingredients like tomatoes and salad cream and come 12pm it'll be a sloppy mess, whereas a straight ham and cheese effort will last for 24 hours.

You need to set up a pretective barrier for the bread. Tomatoes don't go next to the bread, a piece of meat or lettuce forms a defensive wall.

Anyway, the easiest solution is this: put your ingredients in a tupperware box and take the bread in seperately. Assemble when eating.

The missus got me these:

mon-bento-collage1.jpg

(not those exact ones, I don't use a napkin)

They make lunch very easy.

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Farmers. c***s are always on the news moaning about the price of milk, funny how they are all living in mansions driving top spec Range Rovers and Bentleys,* also if you fucking smear mud all over the road can you clear it off, its dangerous. Thank you.

*apart from the old b*****d that drives his tractor about Dundee in the rush hour.

Aye, and they're always whining that we pay fck all for their meat or milk, but suddenly the value of a sheep jumps from £25 to £500 when you let your dog have a run and he has a wee nibble.

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You need to set up a pretective barrier for the bread. Tomatoes don't go next to the bread, a piece of meat or lettuce forms a defensive wall.

Anyway, the easiest solution is this: put your ingredients in a tupperware box and take the bread in seperately. Assemble when eating.

The missus got me these:

mon-bento-collage1.jpg

(not those exact ones, I don't use a napkin)

They make lunch very easy.

Who'd eat that shite?
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