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Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...


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1 hour ago, Doctor Manhattan said:

All UK airports are as bad as each other for this, in my experience, the worst being the one that you flew out of last because it’s the freshest in the memory. The cheap holiday / stag do brigades are a universal curse, regardless of accents. The highlights:

  • Birmingham – as you describe
  • Manchester – fucking Oasis wannabes, even after all these years
  • Liverpool – can you guess?
  • Gatwick / London – fucking geezers
  • Newcastle - is that even English?
  • Bristol – fucking carrot crunchers
  • Glasgow – full kit wankers

I’ve never flown out of Aberdeen to be fair – it may be the exception that proves the rule, although I somehow doubt it.

Ive recently done East Midlands (Notts Forest wankers), Cardiff and Southamption (ooarr ooarr w****r).

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Slightly off topic, but the worst UK airport I ever used was London City. Bogs overflowing with shite and toilet paper. Roasting hot, overcrowded, full of Londoners.

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2 hours ago, Doctor Manhattan said:

All UK airports are as bad as each other for this, in my experience, the worst being the one that you flew out of last because it’s the freshest in the memory. The cheap holiday / stag do brigades are a universal curse, regardless of accents. The highlights:

  • Birmingham – as you describe
  • Manchester – fucking Oasis wannabes, even after all these years
  • Liverpool – can you guess?
  • Gatwick / London – fucking geezers
  • Newcastle - is that even English?
  • Bristol – fucking carrot crunchers
  • Glasgow – full kit wankers

I’ve never flown out of Aberdeen to be fair – it may be the exception that proves the rule, although I somehow doubt it.

Aberdeen - The brown brogue wearing teuchters battling for space with your world weary oil workers of the world know-it alls.

Only advantage of Aberdeen is the bar seating can be within 10 feet of the gate. I have sat with a pint as the queue formed past the table I was sitting at, then watched them stand for 30mins then herd themselves on, before standing, finishing my pint and walking to back of queue that had about 3 people left in it.

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15 minutes ago, MEADOWXI said:

Aberdeen - The brown brogue wearing teuchters battling for space with your world weary oil workers of the world know-it alls.

Only advantage of Aberdeen is the bar seating can be within 10 feet of the gate. I have sat with a pint as the queue formed past the table I was sitting at, then watched them stand for 30mins then herd themselves on, before standing, finishing my pint and walking to back of queue that had about 3 people left in it.

I've belatedly realised that I missed Belfast off my list (like Glasgow, but angrier) and also Dublin.

Dublin is, of course, not a UK airport, but I have fond memories of staff nipping into the bar there on several occasions to give us a 5-minute warning to drink up and get to the gate. Guid c***s.

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2 hours ago, Granny Danger said:

That man was a comedial genius ahead of his years.  Not sure if I’d still find him funny, but I recall a routine about 45 years ago where I was barely able to breath for laughing.

Ditto Mike Harding.

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1 hour ago, scottsdad said:

Slightly off topic, but the worst UK airport I ever used was London City. Bogs overflowing with shite and toilet paper. Roasting hot, overcrowded, full of Londoners.

While the facilities have improved, the persons have not, and the walks shame Edinburgh.

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1 hour ago, scottsdad said:

Slightly off topic, but the worst UK airport I ever used was London City. Bogs overflowing with shite and toilet paper. Roasting hot, overcrowded, full of Londoners.

‘Full of Londoners’. I could probably have tolerated the rest. 

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1 hour ago, Doctor Manhattan said:

I've belatedly realised that I missed Belfast off my list (like Glasgow, but angrier) and also Dublin.

Dublin is, of course, not a UK airport, but I have fond memories of staff nipping into the bar there on several occasions to give us a 5-minute warning to drink up and get to the gate. Guid c***s.

Dublin was a hoor of a walk from touching down to the exit area if I recall.

There's probably about three Kenneth GIFs in there.

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I fly regularly from Newcastle, short walk from parking, normally take 15 mins to go through security with their new machines. Radars are top notch as I done the planning to get them fixed up un the roof 😉

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1 hour ago, Cosmic Joe said:

Dublin was a hoor of a walk from touching down to the exit area if I recall.

There's probably about three Kenneth GIFs in there.

Schonefeld was a laugh when they were doing it up. Plane touches doon, everybody gets antsy and starts reaching for the overheads, 30 mins later it's still taxi'ing to the gate 😀

Oh aye, and the bogs were invariably stinking because they were built to service a footfall of about 5% of what Schonefeld actually saw.

Edited by Boo Khaki
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18 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Ive recently done East Midlands (Notts Forest wankers), Cardiff and Southamption (ooarr ooarr w****r).

East Mids  - Carl Froch wannabees in their "gym kit" brands accompanied by the glammed up girlfriend who looks like they are out for a Saturday night. 

 It's pretty funny seeing groups of lads on their stag / lads weekends in the airport bar upstairs sussing out if other groups are from Derby / Nottingham or Leicester. 

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The weather this year has been fucking awful. It was a particularly wet and miserable winter iirc and then when Easter came it was cold and pretty underwhelming. We had a couple nice days in May and then it’s been mostly pish since then, occasionally sunny spells but more often torrential rain and wind and bitter cold winds at times. I have shot my self in the foot by not going on holiday abroad this year. I need sunshine. 

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21 hours ago, Granny Danger said:

That man was a comedial genius ahead of his years.  Not sure if I’d still find him funny, but I recall a routine about 45 years ago where I was barely able to breath for laughing.

From a slightly earlier time,  Dave Allen, was another comedy genius.  

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1 hour ago, throbber said:

The weather this year has been fucking awful. It was a particularly wet and miserable winter iirc and then when Easter came it was cold and pretty underwhelming. We had a couple nice days in May and then it’s been mostly pish since then, occasionally sunny spells but more often torrential rain and wind and bitter cold winds at times. I have shot my self in the foot by not going on holiday abroad this year. I need sunshine. 

@DA Baracus

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