ForzaDundee Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 (edited) Best one I heard.. Why did the little mermaid wear seashells... cause she grew out her b shells Absolutely shite mate. Editing this post just to reiterate how pish a joke that is. Edited August 3, 2014 by ForzaDundee 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan Vojáček Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 My friend almost got arrested breaking into his own house today. He left mine at about 6 and when he got to his house it was locked and he didn't have keys with him, now he doesn't have any common sense and that explains what he did next. He saw that his bedroom window upstairs was open so climbed up on the fence then jumped onto the roof and crawled in his window. Ten minutes later the polis were at the door and he had to lean out the window explaining that he couldn't open the door because he didn't have a key but that it was honestly his house. They didn't believe him and so in a last act of desperation phoned his mum to tell the cop that he lived there. After hovering outside his house til his maw got home they finally left. Anyway just felt I had to share that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bing (2) Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 My friend almost got arrested breaking into his own house today. He left mine at about 6 and when he got to his house it was locked and he didn't have keys with him, now he doesn't have any common sense and that explains what he did next. He saw that his bedroom window upstairs was open so climbed up on the fence then jumped onto the roof and crawled in his window. Ten minutes later the polis were at the door and he had to lean out the window explaining that he couldn't open the door because he didn't have a key but that it was honestly his house. They didn't believe him and so in a last act of desperation phoned his mum to tell the cop that he lived there. After hovering outside his house til his maw got home they finally left. Anyway just felt I had to share that. So his maw is a durty stop out that was out even later than him? Interesting 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan Vojáček Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 I think he means 6pm tbh. Aye I did, probably should've specified this 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 Aye I did, probably should've specified this So his maws been out shagging all night and all day? Some stamina on the old dear. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 So his maws been out shagging all night and all day? Some stamina on the old dear. She has! Quite a goer too! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 She has! Quite a goer too! Oh you cad. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 Oh you cad. With my reputation?! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~~~ Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 My friend almost got arrested breaking into his own house today. He left mine at about 6 and when he got to his house it was locked and he didn't have keys with him, now he doesn't have any common sense and that explains what he did next. He saw that his bedroom window upstairs was open so climbed up on the fence then jumped onto the roof and crawled in his window. Ten minutes later the polis were at the door and he had to lean out the window explaining that he couldn't open the door because he didn't have a key but that it was honestly his house. They didn't believe him and so in a last act of desperation phoned his mum to tell the cop that he lived there. After hovering outside his house til his maw got home they finally left. Anyway just felt I had to share that. So it was his maws house 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan Vojáček Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 So it was his maws house Aye he lives with his maw, he's 17. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Got a letter from HMRC asking me to pay £60 from the tax year 2010-11. Even the HMRC advisor which I phoned up laughed and told me to appeal. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Got a letter from HMRC asking me to pay £60 from the tax year 2010-11. Even the HMRC advisor which I phoned up laughed and told me to appeal. Big Tax Case type post 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Folk who sit on the right hand side of the bus (i.e. when facing the front) by choice and not by necessity are strange people to be both reviled and pitied. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweeperDee Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Individuals who surprise you with plans that require you to rush about like a blue arsed fly the moment you finish work are incredibly annoying. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandarilla Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Big Tax Case type post I owe you a greenie for that chief - made me laugh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Folk who sit on the right hand side of the bus (i.e. when facing the front) by choice and not by necessity are strange people to be both reviled and pitied. The ones you should worry about are the ones who sit on the left, fucking perverts the lot of them. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) The ones you should worry about are the ones who sit on the left, fucking perverts the lot of them.Typical right side sitter prejuidice. Also people who sit in the aisle seat by choice are not to be trusted. Edited August 4, 2014 by DA Baracus 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 4 teeth out and a filling at the dentist today. The most painful bit was the payment. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweeperDee Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 The ones you should worry about are the ones who sit on the left, fucking perverts the lot of them. What about those who sit in the centre seat at the back of the bus? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweeperDee Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 That Apple that the seagull is eating is mine. It sauntered right up to me and just plucked it off my lap; the fucking dick. -2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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