Things you want to share with P&B

[Ira Gaines]

He'd be an improvement on some of these fuckwits.

[throbber]

Regretting not splashing out and buying the Durex, throbs?

This is actually not a euphemism and bin bags certainly aren't an item you should think about going cheap with, especially if you live In a flat and there's a danger of a tear in the bag when in the lift/on communal carpet.

[Dee Man]

1 hour ago, Randy Giles said:

Think everyone's head the phrase "you're putting words in my mouth!"

Well, someone in my work is pretty thick, and tried to say the same thing, but said "You just took words, and put them in your own mouth."

Aye mate. That's talking.

During my apprenticeship we were having a conversation about infidelity. When we asked the boss if he'd ever cheat on his partner he said, "No chance. I'm a one man woman" 

[Hedgecutter]

There's an old guy I frequently see on my way to work. He's a dead ringer for Peter Tobin with a growling stare of hatred, is mostly wearing a boiler suit and wellies (except today where he was in a suit and polished shoes) and does this weird random walk-jog-walk-jog routine.

I'm now convinced that this is actually Tobin, business one day and gravedigging the rest of the time having previously framed his twin brother and doing some Kaizer Sauze type routine. It's a wonder that I've not been raped and/or killed already.

[NorthernJambo]

There's an old guy I frequently see on my way to work. He's a dead ringer for Peter Tobin with a growling stare of hatred, is mostly wearing a boiler suit and wellies (except today where he was in a suit and polished shoes) and does this weird random walk-jog-walk-jog routine.
I'm now convinced that this is actually Tobin, business one day and gravedigging the rest of the time having previously framed his twin brother and doing some Kaizer Sauze type routine. It's a wonder that I've not been raped and/or killed already.

Sounds like you're on borrowed time, best kill him first.

[Mark Connolly]

25 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

There's an old guy I frequently see on my way to work. He's a dead ringer for Peter Tobin with a growling stare of hatred, is mostly wearing a boiler suit and wellies (except today where he was in a suit and polished shoes) and does this weird random walk-jog-walk-jog routine.

I'm now convinced that this is actually Tobin, business one day and gravedigging the rest of the time having previously framed his twin brother and doing some Kaizer Sauze type routine. It's a wonder that I've not been raped and/or killed already.

Probably off to court today then

[Sergeant Wilson]

5 hours ago, throbber said:

Don't buy black bin bags out of Poundland, big mistake!

You've not killed her have you?

Wrap her in the quilt, shut the room door and PM Gunther.

[KnightswoodBear]

1 minute ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

You've not killed her have you?

Wrap her in the quilt, shut the room door and PM Gunther.

"The man, seen here wearing grey Lonsdale sportswear, was captured on CCTV leaving the Wetherspoons public house and staggering into Poundland where he purchased black refuse sacks.  He had been spotted in B and Q earlier that day purchasing a shovel and roll of heavy duty polythene.  Police advise the public not to approach the man as they may be subjected to a bizarre stream of consciousness rant" 

[Dee Man]

12 hours ago, Jmothecat2 said:

 

European cup winners cup final. Bear Real Madrid. 
 

 

 

[Shandon Par]

5 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

 

Regretting not splashing out and buying the Durex, throbs?

 

I'm sure I mentioned this before but my sister was a teacher in Torry for a while and at the school disco a couple of kids were interrupted whilst using a Mars Bar wrapper as a condom. 

[mjw]

No wonder they dropped the 'work rest and play' from their adverts.

[Jmothecat2]

I bought condoms from poundland once. They were ridiculously tight and when I googled the product it turns out those condoms are specifically made for the Asian market so they are 49mm rather than the European standard of 53mm.

We called her Beatrix.

[KnightswoodBear]

9 minutes ago, Jmothecat2 said:

I bought condoms from poundland once. They were ridiculously tight and when I googled the product it turns out those condoms are specifically made for the Asian market so they are 49mm rather than the European standard of 53mm.

We called her Beatrix.

Do they still sell them?

Asking for a friend.

 

 

 

 

 

That's me.

[DA Baracus]

56 minutes ago, KnightswoodBear said:

Do they still sell them?

Asking for a friend.

 

 

 

 

 

That's me.

Posh w**k?

[KnightswoodBear]

Just now, DA Baracus said:

Posh w**k?

I wouldn't say i was posh, per se.  I've been called a w**k on numerous occasions though.

[DA Baracus]

Just now, KnightswoodBear said:

I wouldn't say i was posh, per se.  I've been called a w**k on numerous occasions though.

Sounds hurtful. Do you want to talk about it?

[KnightswoodBear]

1 minute ago, DA Baracus said:

Sounds hurtful. Do you want to talk about it?

I've posted about it on the Infuriating things your partner does thread.

[throbber]

6 hours ago, KnightswoodBear said:

"The man, seen here wearing grey Lonsdale sportswear, was captured on CCTV leaving the Wetherspoons public house and staggering into Poundland where he purchased black refuse sacks.  He had been spotted in B and Q earlier that day purchasing a shovel and roll of heavy duty polythene.  Police advise the public not to approach the man as they may be subjected to a bizarre stream of consciousness rant" 

I just had to look up what stream of consciousness meant. 

[jagfox]

[Hedgecutter]

I'm sure I mentioned this before but my sister was a teacher in Torry for a while and at the school disco a couple of kids were interrupted whilst using a Mars Bar wrapper as a condom. 

Must be that serrated end that the ladies love. Durex could learn a thing or two there.