Depression

[DA Baracus]

I feel a massive disconnect with a lot of my past. I remember it all clearly, but when I do it’s as if it was a dream or as if I watched it somewhere. It doesn’t feel like it actually happened to me. I’m not even talking about bad things, just regular mundane things or even good things. It’s really quite strange. I’ll remember something for some reason and sometimes actually question if it happened to me or indeed if it even happened at all.

[P.C]

Think the biggest problem especially when its guy is the fact you feel as if you need to keep on a front to show that you are one of the lads and appear normal rather than sharing your problems. People will always have things on their mind and troubles, even trivial things can soon mount up

[KeeperDee]

Think the biggest problem especially when its guy is the fact you feel as if you need to keep on a front to show that you are one of the lads and appear normal rather than sharing your problems. People will always have things on their mind and troubles, even trivial things can soon mount up

This. It's exactly why Scotland has a terrible pattern of suicide in young men. Speaking about feelings is something that should be encouraged, not ridiculed.

It could also be a factor as to why we have the binge drinking culture; we as a nation keep everything to ourselves, and on the weekend we let loose and try to forget it all.

[scotfree]

That's what happened to me, P.C. When it all got too much for me and had a major breakdown, my mates could no get their heads around that I had a problem. Even now they say that I should just get over it and be myself.

[P.C]

This. It's exactly why Scotland has a terrible pattern of suicide in young men. Speaking about feelings is something that should be encouraged, not ridiculed.

It could also be a factor as to why we have the binge drinking culture; we as a nation keep everything to ourselves, and on the weekend we let loose and try to forget it all.

Agreed I have been very guilty of using drink to try and blotch out things or just numb the pain which is just a temporary solution

You realise as you get older that regardless of what problems you have if you have real mates they will listen to what you have to say and offer you any support that you need. Sometimes it is easier to make light of some situations and again im bad for that myself but as long as you have someone who you are comfortable chatting to even if just to tell them the situation and nothing more it really helps

[Ebanda's Handyman Services]

Just had a wee read of this thread and it's great to see such human spirit with the support that folk who are suffering/have suffered depression are receiving/giving.

I've never been there fortunately. When my auld man passed away unexpectedly in April I went in to what I would describe as 'Robot mode'.

Things have never seemed so clear even though I kinda switched off.

All the best, folks.

Edited November 27, 2013 by Andy C

[P.C]

Just had a wee read of this thread and it's great to see such human spirit with the support that folk who are suffering/have suffered depression are receiving/giving.

I've never been there fortunately. When my auld man passed away unexpectedly in April I went in to what I would describe as 'Robot mode'.

Things have never seemed so clear even though I kinda switched off.

All the best, folks.

Death is one folk always deal with differently. Even now I still get upset over my grandads death and that was nearly 10 years ago tho those periods are alot less frequent than they used to be

[Broken Algorithms]

Death is one folk always deal with differently. Even now I still get upset over my grandads death and that was nearly 10 years ago tho those periods are alot less frequent than they used to be

Aye, its a strange one. Aside from a few weeks of grieving and crying at the funeral I wasn't too bad after my grandad died.

However, recently I found out one of my mates from Uni died age 23 during the Summer. I'd not been in touch with him (he was living abroad) or the group I used to hang about with for a couple of years (in his case, a year since I'd left uni) but it has still hit me pretty hard. Its a difficult one as I don't know how to handle it in terms of thought process. I've spoken to my mates at home who have all been great about it at realise that its a difficult time. Its just difficult to comprehend that a friend has died by receiving a message on facebook and whatsapp.

It seems a bit difficult to say I'll never have a proper send off for him (even a funeral or such). Its a surreal situation where I don't know who to talk to on the matter and I don't really feel any closure. It'll be tricky at New Years (I relate to that time most when thinking of him). I'm sure I'll be alright with it in time. I'll probably have a wee drink to him and new year and a laugh for some of the stuff I remember him for.

[parsforlife]

Aye, its a strange one. Aside from a few weeks of grieving and crying at the funeral I wasn't too bad after my grandad died.

However, recently I found out one of my mates from Uni died age 23 during the Summer. I'd not been in touch with him (he was living abroad) or the group I used to hang about with for a couple of years (in his case, a year since I'd left uni) but it has still hit me pretty hard. Its a difficult one as I don't know how to handle it in terms of thought process. I've spoken to my mates at home who have all been great about it at realise that its a difficult time. Its just difficult to comprehend that a friend has died by receiving a message on facebook and whatsapp.

It seems a bit difficult to say I'll never have a proper send off for him (even a funeral or such). Its a surreal situation where I don't know who to talk to on the matter and I don't really feel any closure. It'll be tricky at New Years (I relate to that time most when thinking of him). I'm sure I'll be alright with it in time. I'll probably have a wee drink to him and new year and a laugh for some of the stuff I remember him for.

I don't know how much help I can be here but when I knew a childhood friend had died a few years after I had seen him I found it difficult at first to go places I associated with him but once I had done it a couple of times it was fine. But then as my family also knew him i could talk to them. I think the idea of having a drink to him should suit you well, possibly if you can meet with a few of your uni mates who also knew him, give you some sort of closure.

[Ebanda's Handyman Services]

I find myself thinking about what advice my Dad would give me when I'm missing him.

I can guarantee it'd be along the lines of, "Stop moping about and get on with it ya big fanny!"

Refreshingly straight to the point, my Dad.

Edited November 27, 2013 by Andy C

[YHallSaint]

Think the biggest problem especially when its guy is the fact you feel as if you need to keep on a front to show that you are one of the lads and appear normal rather than sharing your problems. People will always have things on their mind and troubles, even trivial things can soon mount up

This, most of my mates still don't know but I met one after a meeting and told him what had been happening. He was genuinely stunned and couldn't understand it. After O explained it to him he did seem more comfortable to talk about it. I think the stereotype is someone sits in on their own, loner etc where it can be anyone.

[P.C]

Aye, its a strange one. Aside from a few weeks of grieving and crying at the funeral I wasn't too bad after my grandad died.

However, recently I found out one of my mates from Uni died age 23 during the Summer. I'd not been in touch with him (he was living abroad) or the group I used to hang about with for a couple of years (in his case, a year since I'd left uni) but it has still hit me pretty hard. Its a difficult one as I don't know how to handle it in terms of thought process. I've spoken to my mates at home who have all been great about it at realise that its a difficult time. Its just difficult to comprehend that a friend has died by receiving a message on facebook and whatsapp.

It seems a bit difficult to say I'll never have a proper send off for him (even a funeral or such). Its a surreal situation where I don't know who to talk to on the matter and I don't really feel any closure. It'll be tricky at New Years (I relate to that time most when thinking of him). I'm sure I'll be alright with it in time. I'll probably have a wee drink to him and new year and a laugh for some of the stuff I remember him for.

Sorry to hear that mate. Funerals are pretty much the licence to let everything go and without it sounding bad gives you a sense of relief and closure getting it out of your system

Having a drink to your mates memory with a couple of your old friends is probably a fitting way to do it, I know that with me losing my Gran last month (October is not a good month for me) our family have agreed to meet up every October in memory of my gran and granda

[Raidernation]

I still don't know how to deal with death

Been 4 and a half years since my last wife committed suicide (bloody hell that's a hard thing to write) and almost 5 months since my wife Pam died suddenly, and it's shite.

I tell everyone I'm ok but I'm probably not, but I smile every day and I just, do, stuff.

I can't tell you it gets easier, because it doesn't, at least not for me. But I do have things to be thankful for and look forward to, and it's still not enough.

My message is just keep going. 4 years ago I would not have thought I'd be here, but now I have a wonderful family, who knows?

[P.C]

Respect mate those must of been very dark days, its a great example that you have been able to cope and move on from on it

[Theo Snelders]

I still don't know how to deal with death

Been 4 and a half years since my last wife committed suicide (bloody hell that's a hard thing to write) and almost 5 months since my wife Pam died suddenly, and it's shite.

I tell everyone I'm ok but I'm probably not, but I smile every day and I just, do, stuff.

I can't tell you it gets easier, because it doesn't, at least not for me. But I do have things to be thankful for and look forward to, and it's still not enough.

My message is just keep going. 4 years ago I would not have thought I'd be here, but now I have a wonderful family, who knows?

That is terrible Raidernation, so sorry that happened to you.

You are a stronger man than me-can only give a Churchill quote here

" if you're going through hell, just keep going"

Best wishes to you.

[P.C]

I tend to find Christmas and New Year quite difficult in general even when im with my family which sounds daft but it's the cliched "can be in a room full of people and feel alone" number

[SteelJag]

I wrote on here in July i think about the state of depression i was in. Since then it got slightly better for a month and then distinctly worse now its very bad. I'm in my final year of uni now and i have no idea what i want to do, it feels like this is my last year of youth and once it ends i wont enjoy life any-more, ironically this mindset has disallowed me to be happy. It feels like a quarter year crisis, i dread moving back home to Bute at the end of this year as that's not much of a life at all. Im surrounded by constant stress and its making it hard to do any uni work at all.

I do business however that was a mistake and once my degree ends i don't want to do anything remotely like it, i wrote a play about my struggles which helped. I have looked to help and will start CBT soon.

​Its always nervy writing among other peoples struggles because my troubles seem minute compared at times.

[Lex]

I wrote on here in July i think about the state of depression i was in. Since then it got slightly better for a month and then distinctly worse now its very bad. I'm in my final year of uni now and i have no idea what i want to do, it feels like this is my last year of youth and once it ends i wont enjoy life any-more, ironically this mindset has disallowed me to be happy. It feels like a quarter year crisis, i dread moving back home to Bute at the end of this year as that's not much of a life at all. Im surrounded by constant stress and its making it hard to do any uni work at all.

I do business however that was a mistake and once my degree ends i don't want to do anything remotely like it, i wrote a play about my struggles which helped. I have looked to help and will start CBT soon.

​Its always nervy writing among other peoples struggles because my troubles seem minute compared at times.

Stick in there mate. There's a lot out there when you finish uni, hopefully you'll find a career you enjoy and things will start looking up.

[KeeperDee]

I wrote on here in July i think about the state of depression i was in. Since then it got slightly better for a month and then distinctly worse now its very bad. I'm in my final year of uni now and i have no idea what i want to do, it feels like this is my last year of youth and once it ends i wont enjoy life any-more, ironically this mindset has disallowed me to be happy. It feels like a quarter year crisis, i dread moving back home to Bute at the end of this year as that's not much of a life at all. Im surrounded by constant stress and its making it hard to do any uni work at all. 

 

I do business however that was a mistake and once my degree ends i don't want to do anything remotely like it, i wrote a play about my struggles which helped. I have looked to help and will start CBT soon.

 

​Its always nervy writing among other peoples struggles because my troubles seem minute compared at times.

Never feel like your troubles are minute. People all have different thresholds when it comes to stress and they all deal with unhappiness in different ways.

If we were all the same, the world would be a very boring place.

Just remember that youth doesn't end with the end of your degree. You have years ahead to look forward too with a vast array of different opportunities waiting for you in the world.

[dorlomin]

it feels like this is my last year of youth and once it ends i wont enjoy life any-more, ironically this mindset has disallowed me to be happy. It feels like a quarter year crisis, i dread moving back home to Bute at the end of this year as that's not much of a life at all. Im surrounded by constant stress and its making it hard to do any uni work at all.

Your reactions are not to be dismissed, especially not by yourself. If you are going to get help then approach it in part as a way of finding out why you feel like that. Why people feel deep emotions is complex and down to each individual but these worries may simply be proxies for something else. (This is an example and should not be taken too literally) but you may for example have a deep fear or death and the end of university is an important way marker towards your mortality or you me feel a fear of a claustrophobia of going back home to a more constrained world. Take your CBT as a chance to talk to yourself and hear from deeper inside yourself.

In terms of the more superficial issue of the end of uni and what comes next, you could try talking to someone in the NUS, they normally have people who can advice you and give you an idea of what your options might be. Also check around P&B, loads of us have gone past uni and still living it up.

I do business however that was a mistake and once my degree ends i don't want to do anything remotely like it, i wrote a play about my struggles which helped.

Many people, perhaps most even, get careers not directly linked to their degrees.

​Its always nervy writing among other peoples struggles because my troubles seem minute compared at times.

No one is judging you fella. There is no "you have to be x level depressed and y level traumatized to express yourself". Each persons emotions are valid to them. And it would be folly to judge just how deep the underlying currents may be that manifest themselves over seemingly small things. Dont forget by expressing yourself you are also helping others by showing how normal it is to suffer bouts of depression or other mental health problems. Get it off your chest and you may help someone else step forward and feel less stigmatised.