Depression

[paranoid android]

I wrote on here in July i think about the state of depression i was in. Since then it got slightly better for a month and then distinctly worse now its very bad. I'm in my final year of uni now and i have no idea what i want to do, it feels like this is my last year of youth and once it ends i wont enjoy life any-more, ironically this mindset has disallowed me to be happy. It feels like a quarter year crisis, i dread moving back home to Bute at the end of this year as that's not much of a life at all. Im surrounded by constant stress and its making it hard to do any uni work at all.

I do business however that was a mistake and once my degree ends i don't want to do anything remotely like it, i wrote a play about my struggles which helped. I have looked to help and will start CBT soon.

​Its always nervy writing among other peoples struggles because my troubles seem minute compared at times.

Mate, you're about to gain a degree - massive achievement.

You've written a play - massive achievement.

I'm guessing you're around 21 years of age - just think what else you can achieve by the time you're an old codger like me.

Give yourself credit for what you've done.

In my opinion, the number one goal in life is to be happy - you don't have to work in a field that's related to your degree subject.

The world is your lobster, and we're here for a guid time, no' a long time - fire in!

[Smurph]

The words of advice given are bang on, SteelJag. I reckon you're of a similar age to me and I've still no idea what I want to do. I've started an NC course (N fucking C) in Media but I'm still completely unsure if that's the road I want to head along. You're about to get a degree though which is fantastic, and even if you don't want to go into that field of work any more, it will become incredibly useful for other things, as employers will know you can stick in at things. If you've written a screen play, maybe media's something you'd want to get into? I dunno, you could make a video of it or something.

It's funny how much can change in a week. It's not a massive period of time but you can go from being full of confidence and it seems like things are going well again for the first time in a good while, before suddenly it all goes tits up and it's taking a good few hours to sleep and even crying. I feel like I'm a lassie on Facebook here because I'm not going to give reasons, simply because what SteelJag said is true about problems feeling a little minute compared to others, but it feels slightly good to even say that.

[JogaBonito]

Going through that existential crisis as well having just graduated uni.

Uncertainty is probably the greatest mindfuck and leads people to make rash actions, (or in my case) no actions whatsoever..

If you have close friends or relatives you can talk your problems with then I think you should try those avenues SteelJag.

Edited November 29, 2013 by JogaBonito

[DA Baracus]

Lonliness is a fucking killer. I don't have many friends and have no one I can just hang out with. I certainly don't have a girlfriend. Been single nearly 3 years. Im so incredibly alone and it's fucking killing me. I just sit alone every night and feel like I'm dying

[Marshmallo]

Lonliness is a fucking killer. I don't have many friends and have no one I can just hang out with. I certainly don't have a girlfriend. Been single nearly 3 years. Im so incredibly alone and it's fucking killing me. I just sit alone every night and feel like I'm dying

Is it a confidence thing? On here you're funny and come over as being someone with interests who'd be enjoyable to be around.

[Swampy]

I wrote on here in July i think about the state of depression i was in. Since then it got slightly better for a month and then distinctly worse now its very bad. I'm in my final year of uni now and i have no idea what i want to do, it feels like this is my last year of youth and once it ends i wont enjoy life any-more, ironically this mindset has disallowed me to be happy. It feels like a quarter year crisis, i dread moving back home to Bute at the end of this year as that's not much of a life at all. Im surrounded by constant stress and its making it hard to do any uni work at all. 

 

I do business however that was a mistake and once my degree ends i don't want to do anything remotely like it, i wrote a play about my struggles which helped. I have looked to help and will start CBT soon.

 

​Its always nervy writing among other peoples struggles because my troubles seem minute compared at times.

Mate, on mobile so I can't write a full response right now but you're still really young. No fucking way is your youth over at 22. Even if it was (and it's not) I turned 30 this year and the last 2 years have been the best of my life, even allowing for a relapse of depression.

[Swampy]

Lonliness is a fucking killer. I don't have many friends and have no one I can just hang out with. I certainly don't have a girlfriend. Been single nearly 3 years. Im so incredibly alone and it's fucking killing me. I just sit alone every night and feel like I'm dying

Loneliness is a slow-acting but fatal poison. You need to get some mates. I know I'm just restating what you said but you need to do it and do it soon. Find a group or society or team for something that interests you and, with no excuses, join it. If it's shit, quit and join another one. Repeat until mates happen. Start today.

[Latino Lover]

I tend to find Christmas and New Year quite difficult in general even when im with my family which sounds daft but it's the cliched "can be in a room full of people and feel alone" number

I think that's fairly common, particularly if you are single. It's my second Xmas in oz without family and presents etc which suits be better to be honest. New year is still shite though, im destined never to enjoy it and normally get out of pub at ten to 12 to avoid the cringeworthy bells.

[KeeperDee]

New year for me is terrible. It always has been; there's a certain feeling of melancholy about it for me.

[Swampy]

I'm also not one for New Year. Try just to avoid it, I guess.

[Mr Bairn]

On the new year point, I don't like it at all. I never really got on with anyone in high school and all my uni mates will be off home over the holidays. Unless maybe a few of the guys and girls from work are up for going to a pub or something then I'll be toasting it alone.

Anyway, I came in here to read/relate a bit and SteelJag's post struck a bit of a chord with me. I'm a second year student but lately I've come to figure there's more to life than £££

When I was in school, it was always about getting the best grades, to get to the best uni, to get the highest paid job. I can't blame my parents for that at all, it was my own way of thinking.

Now, I feel like being 22 and in the 9-5 lifestyle wouldn't be for me. That's no disrespect to other folk that age, but I couldn't think of much worse than getting in to the graduate world early and having a full 45 years of the 40 hours a week, 48 weeks a year type thing. It would just be too much for me.

Also feel like folk isolate a lot more after the first year of uni. Obviously you can't all live together, but it never used to be so hard to find a couple of folk to get a pint or two with if you couldn't get in to studying on a specific night. Probably why I spend half my life semi-trolling the debate threads now. I'm gonna try an stop that.

Anyway, guess I just needed a rant. Call me a fanny if you must.

[Lyle Lanley]

Anyone know how to deal with an really annoying mate?

He's making me upset because of it.

Edited December 1, 2013 by Isaiah Osbourne

[Mr Bairn]

Anyone know how to deal with an really annoying mate?

He's making me upset because of it.

Context?

[paranoid android]

I've come to figure there's more to life than £££

Now, I feel like being 22 and in the 9-5 lifestyle wouldn't be for me. That's no disrespect to other folk that age, but I couldn't think of much worse than getting in to the graduate world early and having a full 45 years of the 40 hours a week, 48 weeks a year type thing. It would just be too much for me.

Anyway, guess I just needed a rant. Call me a fanny if you must.

1 - That should be taught in schools.

2 - This is exactly where I am - I can't stand that life. I've had various stabs at it, but I just cant' do it - unfortunately, it seems unavoidable, though. A lot of people think that's due to sheer laziness, but it's much more than that - for me, it's about being stuck with the values of a society that I don't relate to, and not wanting to have anything to do with those values - and the daily grind of the working day, week, month, year, life, is just so...well, fucking depressing - is that all there is?

3 - You're not a fanny.

[Ad Lib]

Been thinking about posting on here for quite a while. Having real trouble sleeping at the moment so thought I may as well kill time.

I'm feeling very out of sorts and have been in different ways for the last couple of months or so. I don't know what's causing it and it's very frustrating. I've not slept properly in ages, and when I do it's from very late at night until late morning (not out of choice; I'll try to get to sleep sometimes as early as 11pm but simply find it impossible. During the day I often find that I am very tired and I'll occasionally doze off late afternoon, but other times I'll be tired but unable to make myself sleep. I've tried to build a routine that forces me to sleep in a pattern, but all that happens is I can force myself to get up earlier, but I'm then just dead on my feet in the afternoon.

My mood has been a bit volatile too. I go some days feeling like everything is slotting into place and that I'm in complete control, then others when I'm just drifting and can do nothing about it. I'm usually quite good at concentrating, but there are times when absolutely everything's a distraction and I feel like I have to scold myself just to get anything done.

I've also been getting a strong feeling that to a greater or lesser extent I've felt most of my life and had always assumed was fairly normal. I always have this lingering belief that I'm being on some level "mocked" by everyone around me. Not as in openly taking the piss, but like I'm something people forebear and are all putting on a straight face towards. If people are complementary I think not that their's is an ulterior motive as such, but that they're just indulging me and that they are not being sincere. I don't really know if this is something most other people feel, because I've never really spoken about it before. This is something I feel even with good friends who, if I just sat and thought about it rationally, clearly don't have an agenda. I sometimes feel more comfortable with people being critical of me, because at least there's no good reason why they'd be pretending.

Looking objectively my life it's scarcely been in a better place than the last six months or so. Graduated with a First Class Degree, doing really interesting work in academia in a subject area that has always fascinated me, I'm financially secure, everyone around me seems to be in a good place, I've got a corker of a car which I have lots of fun driving, I've made conscious efforts to avoid the post-grad loneliness bug by keeping involved with one of my social groups in University life. But something's just not right and I can't tell what.

I've grown up around family members who suffered from a variety of depressive illnesses (mainly bipolar disorder), and I'm always cautious about how these things can sneak up on people. I honestly don't know if it's just that I've got a sleeping problem at the moment and what I'm describing is otherwise just perfectly normal "being a human being" and I'm being hyper-sensitive to things, or whether I'm genuinely picking up on something that needs urgent attention. I don't know if I'm in control of myself or if I've just masked it very well.

But yeah, tl;dr lol

Edited December 1, 2013 by Ad Lib

[SteelJag]

Thanks you for the responses they have been overwhelming, i value life alot and thats perhaps what has created this fear of me having to enjoy it constantly.

Its warming to know that Smurph and Mr Bairn among others are going through similar phases, it is difficult and although its not, youth seems like a ticking time bomb.

Its not that i don't want to work its just that i dont want to work 8-5 when I become a robot and live almost subconsciously is that really living? I done that for three months in a summer in London and it destroyed me.

I talked to my parents and they said that it doesn't matter if i am a roadsweeper or such as long as i am happy they will be proud of me which was lovely. I have hope that given time and experience i will fall into my own niche in the world where i can be happy and strive.

Being 21 there is so much pressure on this being the best year of your life which can be compared to New Year with so much pressure being on that being a great night.

In regards to DA, I know now difficult loneliness can be, getting back home after a had day and having no social outlet to simply discuss or vent is awful, i can only repeat what everyone says, as hard as it is social interaction starts outside and doing things you like without even expecting to meet people might allow for natural friendship.

[Mr. Brightside]

I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life and have zero direction, it's fucking shit.

[NotThePars]

1 - That should be taught in schools.

2 - This is exactly where I am - I can't stand that life. I've had various stabs at it, but I just cant' do it - unfortunately, it seems unavoidable, though. A lot of people think that's due to sheer laziness, but it's much more than that - for me, it's about being stuck with the values of a society that I don't relate to, and not wanting to have anything to do with those values - and the daily grind of the working day, week, month, year, life, is just so...well, fucking depressing - is that all there is?

3 - You're not a fanny.

It's especially hard when it seems that the only goal you should ever have is to "get on in life". A boy I know couldn't be bothered with the daily grind of work post-university and simply moved to France and was living in a tent until a month or so ago. In a way I admire the sheer audacity of him and wished I could be as spontaneous and unfazed about the future as that.

Been thinking about posting on here for quite a while. Having real trouble sleeping at the moment so thought I may as well kill time.

I'm feeling very out of sorts and have been in different ways for the last couple of months or so. I don't know what's causing it and it's very frustrating. I've not slept properly in ages, and when I do it's from very late at night until late morning (not out of choice; I'll try to get to sleep sometimes as early as 11pm but simply find it impossible. During the day I often find that I am very tired and I'll occasionally doze off late afternoon, but other times I'll be tired but unable to make myself sleep. I've tried to build a routine that forces me to sleep in a pattern, but all that happens is I can force myself to get up earlier, but I'm then just dead on my feet in the afternoon.

I'm the same way just now. I've always had an irregular sleeping pattern (generally 4 or 5am up until 1pm) but lately it's been getting later and later so now I'm falling asleep around 8 and sleeping through till 5 in the evening. Waking up at night isn't helping my mood at all so I just feel like shit constantly.

Edited December 1, 2013 by NotThePars

[RH33]

Ad Lib, go to the dr and get the sleeping thing sorted. It could just be that but because of your experience living with others with mental illness you understandably are worried that it's an early warning sign.

[Ebanda's Handyman Services]

I've also been getting a strong feeling that to a greater or lesser extent I've felt most of my life and had always assumed was fairly normal. I always have this lingering belief that I'm being on some level "mocked" by everyone around me. Not as in openly taking the piss, but like I'm something people forebear and are all putting on a straight face towards. If people are complementary I think not that their's is an ulterior motive as such, but that they're just indulging me and that they are not being sincere. I don't really know if this is something most other people feel, because I've never really spoken about it before. This is something I feel even with good friends who, if I just sat and thought about it rationally, clearly don't have an agenda. I sometimes feel more comfortable with people being critical of me, because at least there's no good reason why they'd be pretending.

People who think just enough of you to only indulge you probably wouldn't waste their time complimenting you.

If they were insincere towards you with regards to shallow compliments then they aren't really worth your thoughts anyway.

As Rowan said, get the sleep deprivation thing sorted out as a matter of priority. At the risk of sounding like I'm trivialising your thoughts, a weary mind will find it harder to look at things rationally.

All the best.