Father and Son Relationships

[Rugster]

13 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

It's too late when we die, to admit we don't see eye to eye.

That's a brilliant song

[Sergeant Wilson]

7 minutes ago, Rugster said:

That's a brilliant song

It isn't really.

[Mark Connolly]

1 hour ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

It isn't really.

That's because the previous generation wrote shite songs.

[stawner upper]

I've never had a father figure in my life, my folks divorced when we me and my brother were very young, still in nappies, I have no recollection of him whatsoever and have never had any contact, no birthday cards, no Christmas presents,no nothing.
My mother worked two jobs to keep us and as a few people have said, we didn't have a lot but we had a happy loving upbringing and generally have a lot of good memories.
It has never bothered me not having him around as my maw kept us in tow without being over strict.
I was a father myself at a young age..20 and was married at 21, we were young and daft, my wife comes from a very strong family background and although we were not frogmarched down the aisle it all seemed to come around very quick.
The one thing I always said to myself is that I would always be there for my son and as far as I am aware I have been, trying to guide him and I have always been open and honest with him, I have enjoyed being a dad and on his wedding day last year It was the proudest day of my life.
He has turned into a fine young man, hard working, well mannered, well liked socially and professionally in his career and I would like to take a bit of credit for that.
We get on well and I enjoy having a pint with him, we can joke and we can be serious.
I work away overseas and can be away for long periods at times and he's always texting me and generally keeps in touch at least a couple times a week.
I said to him when I was heading off a few years ago abroad at work that he was the man in the house now, he stepped up to help look after his maw and sister when I was away and for that I will always be grateful and proud.
A good solid relationship, something I never had or knew but I do enjoy our times as his "Faither" and as his mate.

[Cerberus]

^^^
My eyes are pissing tears rn.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

6 minutes ago, stawner upper said:

I've never had a father figure in my life, my folks divorced when we me and my brother were very young, still in nappies, I have no recollection of him whatsoever and have never had any contact, no birthday cards, no Christmas presents,no nothing.
My mother worked two jobs to keep us and as a few people have said, we didn't have a lot but we had a happy loving upbringing and generally have a lot of good memories.
It has never bothered me not having him around as my maw kept us in tow without being over strict.
I was a father myself at a young age..20 and was married at 21, we were young and daft, my wife comes from a very strong family background and although we were not frogmarched down the aisle it all seemed to come around very quick.
The one thing I always said to myself is that I would always be there for my son and as far as I am aware I have been, trying to guide him and I have always been open and honest with him, I have enjoyed being a dad and on his wedding day last year It was the proudest day of my life.
He has turned into a fine young man, hard working, well mannered, well liked socially and professionally in his career and I would like to take a bit of credit for that.
We get on well and I enjoy having a pint with him, we can joke and we can be serious.
I work away overseas and can be away for long periods at times and he's always texting me and generally keeps in touch at least a couple times a week.
I said to him when I was heading off a few years ago abroad at work that he was the man in the house now, he stepped up to help look after his maw and sister when I was away and for that I will always be grateful and proud.
A good solid relationship, something I never had or knew but I do enjoy our times as his "Faither" and as his mate.

I'm nicking the best bits of that and will cut a disc in Nashville, wish me luck at the CMA's.

[Rugster]

Heavy, man. 

[Mr Pikey]

People can't understand why i completely didn't care when my dad died. My brother and sister didn't go to the funeral through pure hatred for him however i just didn't care. An evil nasty man who became even worse through drink which he rattled six nights a week. Hounded me through my younger years which resulted in me trying to kill him when i was 10 . It was a pathetic attempt but the intention was 100% there. Ended up a few houses away from him when i got married but never talked to or visited him. He got cancer but i still went nowhere near him.Neighbours friends etc couldn't understand how i could do that to my own dad but it was nobodys buisness so ive never explained. I know for a fact a few of them think I'm a c**t for not going to his funeral but i couldnt give a f**k. I lose no sleep over anything .I have two sons and have a great relationship with them but that is down to me as a person not to me learning anything from that rat. It's true that you could never understand anyone's situation unless you walked in their shoes.

[MONKMAN]

My parents split up when I was a baby and like others on here, I could never imagine them actually being together. I've always lived with my mum and didn't see too much of my dad growing up. I really didn't get on with my step mum and still don't, so seen no reason to visit him.

He's been working internal affairs for the home office the last few years so worked all over the place. I get the occasional text to say he was home, and we'll go to the football and get pissed.

He's always got on a lot better with my older brother, probably down to the fact my brother would visit him regularly as a youngster whereas I didn't bother. When he moved to Spain 18 months ago, I only found out he was going through my brother. I've also just heard from my brother that he's just taken a job in the Falklands for 18 months, so doubt I'll see him for a few years.

We get on perfectly fine when we're together but at the same time, I'm not affected in the slightest if I don't see him.

Although we do share a love of drink, football, gambling and women. That I did inherit from my dad.

[Gaz]

My dad had a lump found on his lung a few weeks ago, and ongoing further tests they reckon it's a tumour.

We're still waiting to find out when it can be biopsied to find out what kind of tumour it is, and what kind of treatment options are available.

But I'm at the stage where I'm trying to come to terms with the fact I'm going to lose my dad over the next year or two, and it's soul-destroying.

[Mr Pikey]

This was me last September with my mum. Bit further down the road now. Chin up mate. Not gonna say it's not bloody hard but keep fighting. All the best in the days ahead.

[welshbairn]

1 hour ago, Gaz said:

My dad had a lump found on his lung a few weeks ago, and ongoing further tests they reckon it's a tumour.

We're still waiting to find out when it can be biopsied to find out what kind of tumour it is, and what kind of treatment options are available.

But I'm at the stage where I'm trying to come to terms with the fact I'm going to lose my dad over the next year or two, and it's soul-destroying.

I've found hoping for the best and trying not to think too much helps. If they caught it early he might be ok, possibly even benign, and there's no point in feeling miserable until the shit hits the fan for sure. Probably not much help. 

[Gaz]

2 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

I've found hoping for the best and trying not to think too much helps. If they caught it early he might be ok, possibly even benign, and there's no point in feeling miserable until the shit hits the fan for sure. Probably not much help. 

Cheers. It's mostly the waiting that's killing us. He was meant to get biopsied three weeks ago but had a bad chest infection (that we suspect was pnuemonia) and it still hasn't been done yet.

[Dee Man]

17 hours ago, King Dom's Moustache said:

I seen my Dad walking out of Asda last night as I walked in.

Big lanky c**t just stared right through me and walked past

p***k

I think I might have read about you in 'A Decent Ride' recently. Is your da's name Francis?

[The Chlamydia Kid]

My dad was quick tempered and a bit of a bully at times growing up. If he was in a bad mood then everyone had to walk around on eggshells.

 

I used to resent him growing up and couldn't wait till I was old enough to punch his cxxt in but by time I fancied my chances he was in his 50s and I thought it would be a liberty. We had a couple of close calls with square goes. the second time I reckon he didn't fancy his chances.

 

Kind of lost respect for him when he got caught cheating and our relationship changed. Felt a bit awkward in his company after as I was young and full of principles at that time.

 

Didn't treat my mum with thy much respect either but abdicated responsibility for disciplining and raising me and my brothers a lot unless it directly impacted on him. Which meant he could play the good guy and laid back one who let you off with stuff at other times. I used to hate that he'd go about the house being a twat but could bump into a neighbour and instantly switch to being full of patter etc.

 

But nobody is perfect, he wasn't a bad dad either just had faults. He did spend time with us and do things. worked a lot as well. Would have back us up to the hilt with any trouble we got in outside or that.

 

He's chilled out a lot now and is much more laid back and chilled out. Don't have that much in common with him though so only visit about once a fortnight. So we ain't close.

 

I've maybe been a bit harsh in that assessment I've got plenty of good memories of him as well but was closer to my mum. He was probably better than average.

 

 

 

 

 

[die hard doonhamer]

I've got a great relationship with my Dad. I had a settled upbringing in terms of my parents being together (although we moved around a bit for Dad's work). Dad and I have similar interests (sport, lots of) and he brought me up supporting Queens (I currently live closer to Dumfries than at any other time in my life, I live in Perth). I see him regularly as we still stay in the same village.

As others have said, being a parent makes you appreciate what your parents did for you a lot more. My parents didn't always have it easy, but they worked hard and have myself, my brother and sister the next upbringing they could. We're still all really close as well. I'm really grateful for that.

[Andy Dufresne]

My grandson will never know his father as he does not want anything to do with his son,i will be there for the wee man whatever he needs.I even bought him his 1st pint.

[bob the tank]

I was never as good as my dad in his eyes, but he was just a selfish self centered p***k. He died years ago and it meant nothing to me, in fact i couldn't remember what year it was until i was doing a family tree lately. Can't stand my mother either and we don't speak

[Hedgecutter]

My relationship is a bit awkward. I actually get on rather well with my Dad and always have but my Mum and brothers despise him, which introduces some considerable family politics. I know fine well he did some pretty nasty stuff to my mum, hence their divorce when I was at primary school, but he's never done anything to me personally to make me want to disown him. Proper 'the friend of my enemy is my enemy' type stuff, which can vary from "good for you, your relationship is independent of anyone else" to "you're a disgrace to your mother" depending on who you speak to.

 

He emigrated to Australia when I was 16 and by that point he'd had a big influence on my interests etc (and future career etc as a direct result), but my younger brothers lost out somewhat, hence I could understand why they're more than a bit more than peeved off. However, despite being in Australia for the past 15yrs, he pays far more attention to me and gets in touch much more than my mum who lives 2hrs drive away, although she'd ideally love me to think he's evil and couldn't give a f***. As a result, the relationship with my mother is pretty tense and she was the one to disown me for the best part of a year a couple of years ago over it all. Was back down for Mothers Day and had a good laugh but there's definitely underlying tension.

 

In the words of Mark Renton: "it's a f***ing tight-rope".

 

 

 

[The_Kincardine]

On 4/12/2017 at 19:18, alta-pete said:

My son is about to turn 16 and is right at the peak of his 'being a bit of a dick' powers at the moment.

Have really lost the tattie with him a couple of times, not happy how it went. But resolved soon enough afterwards.

All you want is for him to have the best life chances available. Good exam grades, Saturday job. Maybe a Summer job, get some experience of the real world before it becomes a seismic shock at a later date. Get himself out his bedroom and start chasing all the available females.

All he wants is to w**k himself into a coma at every available opportunity. I suppose much like I did when I was 15....

The easy answer to this, Pete, is to get divorced.

My son was 16 in October last and he stays with me 2/3 days a week and is charming, sociable, studious and everything you'd want your 16 yo to be.  When he stays with his maw (closer to the school) he is everything you've described and she sends me texts and emails saying how difficult she finds him.

I'm not sure how I'd cope with him 24x7 but in short doses he's an absolute delight.