alta-pete Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency where social workers raise doubts about their suitability.The couple produce photos of their 30-foot motor home, which is clean, well maintained, and equipped with a beautiful nursery.The social workers raise concerns about the education the child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects, along with French, Mandarin, and computing skills," they’re told.Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment."The child will be surrounded by family, but we’ve also retained a nanny who’s a certified expert in paediatric care, welfare, and diet."The social workers are finally satisfied and ask, "What age child are you ideally hoping to adopt?""Doesn't really matter, as long as she fits in the cannon..." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 8 hours ago, jagfox99 said: I just saw Bonnie Tyler hanging around the sweets aisle in my local Sainsburys. I think she was holding out for an Aero... and having scoffed baked beans, sprouts and a leftover curry she let out a guff which blocked the sunlight. It was a total eclipse of the fart. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 My wife told me she wants to move to a smaller house. She says we’ve got far too many pointless rooms and she’s fed up of all the cleaning!I told her I strongly disagreed, we argued and it didn't go well. That's it for me now - I’m away to sulk in the masturbatorium... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Saw a WPC on a police horse at the football the other day. I said to a polisman "That horse is foaming at the mouth" He replied "so would you be if you had my wife's legs wrapped around your neck" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvio Tattiescone Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbo Jagsfan Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Man goes into doctor's: 'I think I've done my back in.' Doctor: What are the symptoms?' Man: 'An American cartoon family.' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 What do you call a Chinese tramp? Wun San Shu. What do you call a Chinese paedophile? Po Kem Yung. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 3 hours ago, IainMorton said: What do you call a Chinese tramp? Wun San Shu. What do you call a Chinese paedophile? Po Kem Yung. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 43 minutes ago, tamthebam said: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 I've just come back from my girlfriends funeral. It was the first time I had met her parents. Right miserable pair of b*****ds. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eednud Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 A Pre-December 1980 one. Q: What do John Lennon and a packet of Quavers have in common? A: They both come in yellow bags. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 Scientists have predicted that by the year 2025 you will never be more than six feet away from a former Leeds United manager.... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 On 07/02/2018 at 23:26, Eednud said: A Pre-December 1980 one. Q: What do John Lennon and a packet of Quavers have in common? A: They both come in yellow bags. On 01/02/2018 at 23:50, tamthebam said: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 Conjoined twins brought out an autobiography entitled 'Oor Willie' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Asked the Mrs what she wants for Valentines. She said "give you a clue. Ex England goalie".She's expecting Flowers. She's getting Seaman. Well she has been getting it Rough from half the neighborhood. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 1 hour ago, G_Man1985 said: Asked the Mrs what she wants for Valentines. She said "give you a clue. Ex England goalie". She's expecting Flowers. She's getting Seaman. maybe she wants an ex-Pompey striker 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 1 minute ago, tamthebam said: maybe she wants an ex-Pompey striker Or one of these. Up the Arsenal. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 French international defender Rod Fanni could be welcome. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 (edited) A man who was suing British Airways after they misplaced his luggage has lost his case. Edited February 14, 2018 by IainMorton 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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