welshbairn Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 I've just confessed to my wife I was already married when I married Her. She said that was Big Of Me. Well,I didn't expect a compliment! -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwell87 Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy and one is a little lighter. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 People are weird. I donated one kidney and I was a fucking hero. I've now donated five, and I've got the police kicking my front door in. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 I heard that King charles has cancer. Sorry, I mean Charles. With a big C. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 What's grey and comes in pints? Spoiler An elephant 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 I heard someone says you sound like an owl. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 I looked up the meaning of the word "paranoia" in the dictionary The entry read "why are you asking?" 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Play Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 A rasher of bacon, a sausage, a fried egg and some mushrooms walk up to the bar. Barman said “I’M SORRY. WE DON’T SERVE BREAKFAST IN HERE.” 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagane Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 2 hours ago, Shadow Play said: A rasher of bacon, a sausage, a fried egg and some mushrooms walk up to the bar. Barman said “I’M SORRY. WE DON’T SERVE BREAKFAST IN HERE.” Holy f**k a talking sausage 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 On 08/02/2024 at 23:52, dagane said: Holy f**k a talking sausage Walking, surely. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loonytoons Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 On 08/02/2024 at 23:52, dagane said: Holy f**k a talking sausage 3 hours ago, Arch Stanton said: Walking, surely. And a singing one too. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted February 12 Share Posted February 12 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HI HAT Posted February 12 Share Posted February 12 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Play Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 Should have posted this yesterday: 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 Husband: "Hi darling, I was at work and blood came out my poo. Laura brought me straight to the hospital and the doctor confirmed it's stage 4 colon cancer... I'm so sorry" Wife "Who the f**k is Laura?" 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 Gene Kelly whilst wandering through Paris accidentally fell into the local river, he was literally wringing in the Seine. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 Just received an email that promises if I click the link, I will be able to read maps backwards. I think its spam. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 I was pulled over by the police yesterday. On examining my license, the officer said, "You're supposed to be wearing glasses." I said, "I have contacts." He replied, "I don't care who you know, you're still getting booked." 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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