Guest Moomintroll Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 "I was having a pee and the sheep just backed onto me"That concludes the Evidence for the Defence, M'Lud. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 I once tried to convince my Ma that the cigarette she'd found in my school blazer pocket wasn't mine. Somebody must've put it there without my knowledge while it was hanging on a peg during gym. Sadly, she didn't believe me. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael W Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 Who can forget Owen Paterson's classic "the badgers moved the goalposts" when trying to explain why theVovernment's badger cull had not reached its target. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-24459424 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshmallo Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 Saw this on Twitter and thought of this thread -3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theroadlesstravelled Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 1 hour ago, Marshmallo said: Saw this on Twitter and thought of this thread The nick of her tho- 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highlandcowden Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 42 minutes ago, Theroadlesstravelled said: The nick of her tho- wid not even with yours 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Marly Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 Saw this on Twitter and thought of this thread What's her excuse for looking like a fucking Thunderbird? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Marly Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 The nick of her tho- Actually, is this not the same bint who got sacked cos her dog died a few months ago? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AL-FFC Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 53 minutes ago, Theroadlesstravelled said: The nick of her tho- Its amazing what you can do with a chisel tip marker pen 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theroadlesstravelled Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 6 minutes ago, The Marly said: 57 minutes ago, Theroadlesstravelled said: The nick of her tho- Actually, is this not the same bint who got sacked cos her dog died a few months ago? It might have been. More recently he was seen reading books to Paisley schoolchildren. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 20 minutes ago, The Marly said: 1 hour ago, Theroadlesstravelled said: The nick of her tho- Actually, is this not the same bint who got sacked cos her dog died a few months ago? No, this is her. Is that the doggy crematorium at the back? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 4 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said: No, this is her. Is that the doggy crematorium at the back? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 No, this is her. Is that the doggy crematorium at the back?Grimbo's pet oven topped that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8MileBU Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 When Gillian & Geoff had to pull onto the hard shoulder because of Geoff’s ‘pancreatitis’. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pozbaird Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 ‘We lost the title because St Mirren lay down to Celtic’. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 We lost the title because Dunfermline lay down to Rangers. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charon Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 The Great Carlos Kaiser getting out of playing a minute in his long career. Castor signed Kaiser, prompting a newspaper headline: “BANGU HAS ITS KING”. That headline became famous, and not only because Kaiser showed it to everybody at every opportunity. When he arrived he had the usual injury problems. Castor loved him anyway, because of his cheek, his charisma, his chutzpah – and his apparently endless access to beautiful women. He loved Kaiser’s personality so much that he wanted to see its manifestation on the pitch. One weekend Kaiser was studiously continuing his rehab at 4am in Caligula nightclub when word reached him that Castor had sent an order for him to be on the bench the next day. Kaiser panicked before being reassured by the coach that he would stay as a non-playing substitute. Bangu had a dreadful start to the match and were soon 2-0 down. Castor sent a message from the stands via walkie-talkie that it was time to unleash the star signing. Kaiser had two choices. He could go on as substitute, in which case he was dead; or he could refuse to go on, in which case he was dead. So he improvised a third option. While warming up, Kaiser heard an opposing fan call him a “long-haired faggot” and used it as an excuse to start a brawl with the away supporters. He was sent off before getting on the pitch. Kaiser was summoned to see Castor after the game. “God has taken both my parents away but gave me another father who they accused of being a crook,” he sniffed. “So I lost it and went for them. But don’t you worry because my contract is up in a week and I’ll be off.” Castor gave him a pay rise and a contract extension 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peasy23 Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 Ernest Saunders, one of the Guinness Four who were jailed for attempting to fraudulently inflate the value of Guinness shares to help them in a take over bid for Scottish Brewers.After being sentenced to 5 years, he later appealed on the grounds that he was suffering from pre senile dementia consistent with Alzheimer's. After his sentence was reduced to 2 and a half years, with parole he was out in 10 months. He would then go on to resume a career in business and is the only person known to have made a recovery from the disease. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 Sir Alex Ferguson getting off a speeding conviction because he was about to shite himself 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Patterson Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 52 minutes ago, tamthebam said: Sir Alex Ferguson getting off a speeding conviction because he was about to shite himself Squeaky bum time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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