Depression

[Thereisalight..]

I’d been doing better for a few weeks, but the last week or so I’ve felt really low again. I’m irritable, I will go a drive in the car and within literally 2 mins another driver has pissed me off and I’m swearing or doing gestures out the window to them. I’m having low thoughts, always just want to go to bed and not wake up. I don’t enjoy things I used to like doing. I keep thinking of losing my mum and how I’ll be alone and nobody will even know if I’m alive or not. A few days ago would have been my ex and i’s anniversary and this year I’m dead to her and she’s engaged to the new guy. Most of all though I just miss my Dad, a big part of me died when he did 

Edited August 31, 2020 by Thereisalight..

[19QOS19]

Hijacking the thread mainly because it's one of the few where it's serious and no piss-taking.

My wife's nana was diagnosed with Dementia a year or so ago and we've tried to help out by taking her for tea once a week for 4/5 hours on top of regular visits. As much to help out her husband and give him some respite. He only gets 8 hours a week worth of carers input which is pitiful. It's not much but it's a damn site more than her other two siblings and parents are doing. We've noticed a massive deterioration and in all honesty we don't see much of the old nana now, more her shell and this new person. Ourselves and her husband all agree. She doesn't really know who her husband is now and thinks there are "men" in the house who make her tea etc. It's killing the husband inside obviously. In the past he has tried to offload a bit to one of 'nana's' sons who lives up the road and the son, rather than be supportive, told the husband to "man up".

There was a meeting today and my wife and the husband attended to see what the next stage is as Nana has started to get physical with husband. Care home has obviously been tabled now and she is due to go for a weeks respite in November with her name put down for permanent residence in the future.

My Mrs asked her dad what he felt of today's news and his response is that he's pissed off and that it seems to be all about the husband rather than his mum. I genuinely despair. The family haven't got a fucking clue about dementia but rather than ask my mrs (a nurse) or me (worked in mental health for a decade) they have buried their heads in the sand and are doing f**k all to seriously help, yet are criticising the husband. My Mrs is going round later to speak to her dad as she hasnt a clue how to respond to such an ignorant message. Neither of us want her to go into a home but we know how hard Dementia is and that the husband soon won't be able to cope.

I really do apologise for putting this in here but I just need to offload a bit before I blow with her family. The fact they haven't bothered their fucking arses to help or educate themselves on the disease but have a go at the next step, has really pissed me off today. I can see a major family fall out coming.

Has anyone else had a family member suffer with this c**t of a disease? How did your families deal with it?

[welshbairn]

6 hours ago, 19QOS19 said:

Hijacking the thread mainly because it's one of the few where it's serious and no piss-taking.

My wife's nana was diagnosed with Dementia a year or so ago and we've tried to help out by taking her for tea once a week for 4/5 hours on top of regular visits. As much to help out her husband and give him some respite. He only gets 8 hours a week worth of carers input which is pitiful. It's not much but it's a damn site more than her other two siblings and parents are doing. We've noticed a massive deterioration and in all honesty we don't see much of the old nana now, more her shell and this new person. Ourselves and her husband all agree. She doesn't really know who her husband is now and thinks there are "men" in the house who make her tea etc. It's killing the husband inside obviously. In the past he has tried to offload a bit to one of 'nana's' sons who lives up the road and the son, rather than be supportive, told the husband to "man up".

There was a meeting today and my wife and the husband attended to see what the next stage is as Nana has started to get physical with husband. Care home has obviously been tabled now and she is due to go for a weeks respite in November with her name put down for permanent residence in the future.

My Mrs asked her dad what he felt of today's news and his response is that he's pissed off and that it seems to be all about the husband rather than his mum. I genuinely despair. The family haven't got a fucking clue about dementia but rather than ask my mrs (a nurse) or me (worked in mental health for a decade) they have buried their heads in the sand and are doing f**k all to seriously help, yet are criticising the husband. My Mrs is going round later to speak to her dad as she hasnt a clue how to respond to such an ignorant message. Neither of us want her to go into a home but we know how hard Dementia is and that the husband soon won't be able to cope.

I really do apologise for putting this in here but I just need to offload a bit before I blow with her family. The fact they haven't bothered their fucking arses to help or educate themselves on the disease but have a go at the next step, has really pissed me off today. I can see a major family fall out coming.

Has anyone else had a family member suffer with this c**t of a disease? How did your families deal with it?

My Dad had it and as my Mum was losing her mobility, I moved up to help them, with my sister coming up from Glasgow to give me regular breaks. It got full on with him sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night, had to catch some sleep with one ear open and we set up alarms all over the place. It got to the stage of trying to find a home for him but the doctor warned that they usually deteriorate rapidly when you do that, so we held off maybe a bit longer than we should have. Right up to the end I used to take him out for a pint late afternoon which he enjoyed though. We had to get him to sleep on his own as my Mother wasn't getting any sleep, he used to ask "Who's that old woman, she's not my wife?". When he got to the stage of not recognising anyone and he was getting impossible for us to safely look after and get any sleep at all, we started looking for a home, but before that he fell and broke his hip and went into hospital where he came down with pneumonia after an operation and died a week or two later. 

There's no point in trying to persuade relatives who aren't willing or able to help to give her husband a break, it's a big commitment and they need to want to do it. I couldn't have coped looking after my Dad without my sister coming up so I could bugger off for a few days or a holiday, it's really a full time job for 2 people working shifts. Putting her in for respite care is a great idea, if they handle her ok it will be easier to find a permanent place, and if they struggle it will be obvious that her husband can no longer cope and they'll need to find her a suitable care home. Good luck, there are no easy answers. There's also no definite time line, my Dad deteriorated rapidly over about 5 years till he died, I had an aunt who was totally bonkers for about 30 years. 

P.S. I was single and not tied to a career when I moved to look after them, so it was an easy choice, and I was able to work up here for the first while at least. That wouldn't apply to most people. And my sister was working part time and could basically choose her own hours.

Edited September 3, 2020 by welshbairn

[Academically Deficient]

40 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said:

Hijacking the thread mainly because it's one of the few where it's serious and no piss-taking.

My wife's nana was diagnosed with Dementia a year or so ago and we've tried to help out by taking her for tea once a week for 4/5 hours on top of regular visits. As much to help out her husband and give him some respite. He only gets 8 hours a week worth of carers input which is pitiful. It's not much but it's a damn site more than her other two siblings and parents are doing. We've noticed a massive deterioration and in all honesty we don't see much of the old nana now, more her shell and this new person. Ourselves and her husband all agree. She doesn't really know who her husband is now and thinks there are "men" in the house who make her tea etc. It's killing the husband inside obviously. In the past he has tried to offload a bit to one of 'nana's' sons who lives up the road and the son, rather than be supportive, told the husband to "man up".

There was a meeting today and my wife and the husband attended to see what the next stage is as Nana has started to get physical with husband. Care home has obviously been tabled now and she is due to go for a weeks respite in November with her name put down for permanent residence in the future.

My Mrs asked her dad what he felt of today's news and his response is that he's pissed off and that it seems to be all about the husband rather than his mum. I genuinely despair. The family haven't got a fucking clue about dementia but rather than ask my mrs (a nurse) or me (worked in mental health for a decade) they have buried their heads in the sand and are doing f**k all to seriously help, yet are criticising the husband. My Mrs is going round later to speak to her dad as she hasnt a clue how to respond to such an ignorant message. Neither of us want her to go into a home but we know how hard Dementia is and that the husband soon won't be able to cope.

I really do apologise for putting this in here but I just need to offload a bit before I blow with her family. The fact they haven't bothered their fucking arses to help or educate themselves on the disease but have a go at the next step, has really pissed me off today. I can see a major family fall out coming.

Has anyone else had a family member suffer with this c**t of a disease? How did your families deal with it?

Every case I've known, full time care home is the answer, it's too much for the partner to cope with either emotionally or physically after a while.

I wish you all the best. Families are a pain in the arse, mate.

[Alert Mongoose]

Anyone else listen to the Six Men programme on Radio Scotland? An excellent programme but some of it was tough to listen to.  Tears were shed before I even noticed.

[Thereisalight..]

Thought I’d post seeing as it’s world suicide prevention day. Went a drive and they had messages on the signs that usually say banal things like “fasten your seatbelt” etc. Seeing the signs about being “united against suicide” just made me feel even worse. Not ashamed to admit I’ve shed a few tears today thinking about life and loss. Hopefully all of us who are struggling are making it through another day

[harkinsbaldpatch]

Hope everyone is doing as good as they can. Well thats my wife and myself separated, kinda knew it was coming but had it confirmed today, between that and the job loss the past few weeks have been really tough, been crying that much been giving myself really bad headaches, honestly feel like im living and thats about it, i hate feeling this way.

[The_Kincardine]

21 minutes ago, harkinsbaldpatch said:

Hope everyone is doing as good as they can. Well thats my wife and myself separated, kinda knew it was coming but had it confirmed today, between that and the job loss the past few weeks have been really tough, been crying that much been giving myself really bad headaches, honestly feel like im living and thats about it, i hate feeling this way.

Hard lines, mate, and what a shite time many of us are having.  Sad to hear of your situation but a fair few - even if they don't admit it - are going through the same situation.

You've got to be practical wrt work and sign up for JSA - not much money but helps to pay the bills.  You also have done the right thing and posting on here   Too easy just to have another day in your jammies and ignore the world.

That you've made the effort to discuss your situation is a good thing. - and you're much more than a bloke who is 'just  living' as per your post.

Lots of guys on here will be happy to support you.

[Dons_1988]

7 hours ago, harkinsbaldpatch said:

Hope everyone is doing as good as they can. Well thats my wife and myself separated, kinda knew it was coming but had it confirmed today, between that and the job loss the past few weeks have been really tough, been crying that much been giving myself really bad headaches, honestly feel like im living and thats about it, i hate feeling this way.

Hope you're coping mate.

Things are obviously shite just now but one day you'll draw strength from all this.

Take the time you need to process everything you're feeling just now, but be careful about that 'just living' rabbithole. I've been there but it's a dangerous place so keep talking and keep posting here to keep your head above water.

You can endure and emerge from this stronger. Genuinely.

[harkinsbaldpatch]

Hard lines, mate, and what a shite time many of us are having.  Sad to hear of your situation but a fair few - even if they don't admit it - are going through the same situation.
You've got to be practical wrt work and sign up for JSA - not much money but helps to pay the bills.  You also have done the right thing and posting on here   Too easy just to have another day in your jammies and ignore the world.
That you've made the effort to discuss your situation is a good thing. - and you're much more than a bloke who is 'just  living' as per your post.
Lots of guys on here will be happy to support you.

Thanks mate much appreciated and totally agree on the shit time most of us are having, i will get through this and opening up here 100 percent helps.

[harkinsbaldpatch]

Hope you're coping mate.
Things are obviously shite just now but one day you'll draw strength from all this.
Take the time you need to process everything you're feeling just now, but be careful about that 'just living' rabbithole. I've been there but it's a dangerous place so keep talking and keep posting here to keep your head above water.
You can endure and emerge from this stronger. Genuinely.

Thanks, im going to try and get some help this coming week instead of burying my head in the sand.

[Donathan]

I went to therapy two years ago which was really helpful after I had a lot of things go on in my personal life. I now feel as low as I did back then if not worse, but I feel guilty asking for help because this is something everyone’s going through and not specific to me. I’d just be labelled as one of them covidiots that doesn’t care about protecting the vulnerable, when really I’m feeling low about the effects of isolation that it’s having on me. To clarify, I’m not suggesting that I want to go to illegal raves etc, but the idea not being able to visit my girlfriend or those closest to me, that makes life not really worth living anymore.

[philpy]

Well, these possible new restrictions are doing f**k all for my heightening anxiety.....

I'm wondering what the fucking point is anymore... 

[buchan30]

I went to therapy two years ago which was really helpful after I had a lot of things go on in my personal life. I now feel as low as I did back then if not worse, but I feel guilty asking for help because this is something everyone’s going through and not specific to me. I’d just be labelled as one of them covidiots that doesn’t care about protecting the vulnerable, when really I’m feeling low about the effects of isolation that it’s having on me. To clarify, I’m not suggesting that I want to go to illegal raves etc, but the idea not being able to visit my girlfriend or those closest to me, that makes life not really worth living anymore.

Why should you feel guilty? Your mental health matters as much as the next persons. Everyone has their struggles, some need more help than others dealing with it. You going to visit friends/family/girlfriend isn’t going to impact those more vulnerable if you do it sensibly, which i presume you will.

[super_carson]

On 17/09/2020 at 11:00, Donathan said:

I went to therapy two years ago which was really helpful after I had a lot of things go on in my personal life. I now feel as low as I did back then if not worse, but I feel guilty asking for help because this is something everyone’s going through and not specific to me. I’d just be labelled as one of them covidiots that doesn’t care about protecting the vulnerable, when really I’m feeling low about the effects of isolation that it’s having on me. To clarify, I’m not suggesting that I want to go to illegal raves etc, but the idea not being able to visit my girlfriend or those closest to me, that makes life not really worth living anymore.

You should never feel guilty for asking for help.  This will impact on everyone differently, and you have just as much right to get help for your mental health as anyone else would for their physical health.  Looking after yourself is just as important as sticking to the rules - like you say you're not planning on having massive raves - so you shouldn't feel guilty about how you are feeling.  

[Turkmenbashi]

I've maybe needed to write this for a while. I think it's probably good for me to get my thoughts down. I feel like I am developing an alcohol problem. Until a couple of years ago I would almost never drink by myself, and would only drink when with friends and get incredibly drunk.

I started occasionally having a few beers by myself at the weekend if I had nothing better to do. But the problem I have is I cannot control myself, once I start I don't stop. I can't just have one. And since I quit smoking a year ago it got even worse since, I now drink when I'm stressed rather than smoking. And more and more often I've found myself drinking midweek alone and got worse since the lockdown started. It was never a problem, when I was working in the office but now I'm working from, I feel no one notices if I have a hangover. Although at the same time I'm not feeling the need to drink everyday. I guess I have a problem, but at what point am I a full blown alcoholic. I feel I can stop, which when I was smoker I never felt (yet somehow managed to), but I almost don't want to. Like, I still want to be able to have beers have the lads or a glass of wine with my parents, but I don't want to be alone doing it.

A few years ago I was quite fucked up. I was overweight, not taking care of my looks, not really socialising much, no self-confidence, I was a weird person. No where near ever getting a girlfriend. Not even trying tbh. In a shite job, etc. I have managed to sort all of these issues out. I remember over Christmas speaking to a number of people who hadn't seen for a few years who described me as looking 'healthy'. I am now in a decent job where I am getting paid well, it's not exciting and I don't love it but it doesn't leave me stressed either. Which I know is better than many. And honestly I having a bit of feeling of is this it. I have sorted out many of my issues in life and I still feel like is this it.

Even pre lockdown I had a bit of feeling of what am I doing with my life when I am not working. If people asked what my hobbies are, I feel like I have nothing to say. One day a week I would see friends, maybe and then the rest of the time doing f**k all. I lost interest in football ages ago, I am happy going to games but beyond that I have little interest in sitting watching a game anymore. Especially by myself, and I used to watch football all the time. I don't read, I don't do any sports. I don't play video games. Don't have much interest in watching tv. And have no interest in doing it, even if I used to.

I was living in Belgium until July,  returning to Glasgow. It was ok over there, I had many of the thoughts I mentioned above even then. But in May just after the lockdown started to get lifted, I met my girlfriend on tinder. It has been a short relationship. I don't know if she is the one, it's not been a longtime, and she is actually my first girlfriend (I'm 27 ffs) but I'm already wanting to move back. I can talk to her easily, I enjoy every minute with her, even if we have got nothing really in common. At the same time, if I go back and things quickly dont work out then potentially my problems will end up even worse. My worry with moving back, would be, we haven't really dealt with each other in situation which is anything like resembling normality. I am supposed to see her in Germany next week, hopefully that can still happen. Kind of feeling I'm stuck with what decision to make. This is also the first time in about three years that I have lived in Glasgow and I've not seen friends maybe as much as I was expecting, while partially down to covid and all that. I think there are other factors of people growing older and starting to have there own lives. Maybe since I was previously back home so infrequently, I have rose tinted views.

Compared to many I think objectively my life is going well. I have got friends, family, no financial difficulties. It just feels like for all that, I'm just so very bored. And everything feels like kind of pointless. I am not actively hating life, like I was a few years ago. Not even close, but I feel bad habits returning with the drinking, my diet is getting bad again after being healthy for a while, and losing a  lot of weight. But for all my improvements, I still feel like my life is just nothing, I feel during the bad years (idk when I was  maybe 17-24), I didn't make the most of life because of my own lack of self confidence meant I missed out of things and it annoys me. At the same time I feel stupid complaining, cause actually writing things down, I feel I have got so much going well for me.

It's a bit of a rambling post, but I don't know. I feel I need to say something somewhere.

Edit: this post was far longer than I had any intention of it being. Surprised I can write so much 

Edited September 21, 2020 by Turkmenbashi

[D.A.F.C]

It’s not rambling. One thing that got me out the house was walking at first. You need to fill the thoughts of drinking with doing something else.

Try small walks or cycling, maybe join a club? Sitting drinking alone isn’t good, been there. Short term fix.

[Thereisalight..]

3 hours ago, philpy said:

Well, these possible new restrictions are doing f**k all for my heightening anxiety.....

I'm wondering what the fucking point is anymore... 

Same. Sometimes I think my Dad had the right idea leaving this world in Feb before things went the way they have. We aren’t living any more, just existing 

[Turkmenbashi]

33 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

It’s not rambling. One thing that got me out the house was walking at first. You need to fill the thoughts of drinking with doing something else.

Try small walks or cycling, maybe join a club? Sitting drinking alone isn’t good, been there. Short term fix.

Walking is one thing I do a lot of already. I cycled a lot in Belgium. Don't know how safe I would feel in Glasgow, maybe I should do it

[D.A.F.C]

Walking is one thing I do a lot of already. I cycled a lot in Belgium. Don't know how safe I would feel in Glasgow, maybe I should do it

I'm sure there's areas that's fine. There must be cyclepaths etc?
Cant help you, barely know any of glasgow other than football areas and the town centre.
One thing I do know is that drinking alone, unless its just one or two, isnt healthy mentally or physically.
Don't want to sound preachy or aloof but genuinely just do any exercise or take up a new creative hobby instead.
Its hard to break out, I've still not been able to get out and meet new people as my confidence is -1000 due to years of toxic people but every single time ive exercised it makes me feel better.