Depression

[mathematics]

2 hours ago, paranoid android said:

Bumping in case folk have been looking for the thread. 

Hope all is well. 

I was looking for it, thought it had been binned due to some Heads Gone.

Edited October 21, 2020 by mathematics

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

Been struggling quite a bit recently. On the face of things everything should be on the up - my girlfriend and I are moving in together in the new year; I have a new job that isn't exactly fun but pays significantly more so I'm not only out of financial worries but saving for a flat, and is at least challenging. I've managed to kick the fags and changed my relationship to booze and weed to be a lot less concerning; and while I'm not exercising as much as I'd like I'm getting out and about and eating healthily.

I'm just constantly in a state of low level anxiety or depression though, and I think that is a lot to do with covid really. There's a couple of family members who really don't have long left and I'm worried about getting to see them at all before it happens, every plan my girlfriend and I have made to do something special out the house/see parents together/get a holiday has been cancelled; and I've gone from loving to absolutely detesting working from home. I appreciate absolutely zero of these things are unique to me, but I feel like my mental resilience has just crumbled in the last few months. 

I'm on holiday next week, the second full week I've had since early January I realised the other day. I suppose between that, starting a new more difficult job and everything else that is going on for all of us it's not a surprise I'm feeling burnt out. Hoping that just spending a week getting ahead of little jobs I've been putting off and stressing about, being active, reading and sleeping like the dead will do me some good

[welshbairn]

I sympathise, starting a new demanding job with only electronic communication would be horrendous. No casual questions when you're getting a coffee or whatever, or just some light relief by sharing problems in a jokey way. If it was me I would definitely get out your flat and avoid feeling guilty about the little jobs you probably still won't do, and go for a proper holiday that Covid still allows. Even a caravan park in Fife would be a change, no doubt someone will have better suggestions. 

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

Just now, welshbairn said:

I sympathise, starting a new demanding job with only electronic communication would be horrendous. No casual questions when you're getting a coffee or whatever, or just some light relief by sharing problems in a jokey way. If it was me I would definitely get out your flat and avoid feeling guilty about the little jobs you probably still won't do, and go for a proper holiday that Covid still allows. Even a caravan park in Fife would be a change, no doubt someone will have better suggestions. 

Aye plan was to spend the second weekend (my birthday) just staying in a hotel and get to a couple of good restaurants in Glasgow with the gf, maybe see some old pals for a few pints but obviously that's been binned as of today. Might see about getting away to east lothian or Fife right enough cheers for the suggestion mate.

On work yeah it has been horrible for various reasons. Not the company's fault and folk do their best to be helpful even if they aren't really able to. Office is open as of today with very low capacity so will be taking advantage of that as much as possible after the holiday

[die hard doonhamer]

I've always read this thread without ever really feeling the need to contribute in it. I'm struggling at the moment though, particularly with my work. I had 6 months off work after my daughter was born last year (thanks to a very generous paternity leave policy). I went back to work a couple of weeks after lockdown, and like everyone else have been working from home since. Before I went off on paternity leave I'd made it clear that my preference would be to go back to a different role. There was a major restructure while I was off, I wasn't consulted and was just placed in the same role I was in before. It left me feeling pretty bitter, tbh. Since coming back I've really struggled to find any motivation for the job, and it's come to the point where there are moment that I am sat at my desk (which is a dining room table sat at the bottom of my bed) and feel that I just want to have a good cry. There has been another minor restructure in my team in the last month and it looks like I've again been overlooked for a move, which is hugely frustrating. I'm at the point where I feel stuck, I want to look for someone different but obviously the job market isn't exactly booming.

Feels like a bit of a rambling post. I know what I'm feeling is very common at the moment with the world we're living in. I needed to write it down though.

Edited October 22, 2020 by die hard doonhamer

[The_Kincardine]

29 minutes ago, die hard doonhamer said:

Feels like a bit of a rambling post. I know what I'm feeling is very common at the moment with the world we're living in. I needed to write it down though.

I don't do front line recruitment but I do work (part time) for a large consultancy and this has been a common call going back to April/May and lots of people are evaluating their job roles and you're no exception.

Hope all is well with yer wee yin and, although it's not the best time to be a new dad, young yins have this way of bringing joy to us.

Right now?  I'd go with security of employment as my priority and then take a view in about a year, frustrating though it may be.

[welshbairn]

43 minutes ago, die hard doonhamer said:

I've always read this thread without ever really feeling the need to contribute in it. I'm struggling at the moment though, particularly with my work. I had 6 months off work after my daughter was born last year (thanks to a very generous paternity leave policy). I went back to work a couple of weeks after lockdown, and like everyone else have been working from home since. Before I went off on paternity leave I'd made it clear that my preference would be to go back to a different role. There was a major restructure while I was off, I wasn't consulted and was just placed in the same role I was in before. It left me feeling pretty bitter, tbh. Since coming back I've really struggled to find any motivation for the job, and it's come to the point where there are moment that I am sat at my desk (which is a dining room table sat at the bottom of my bed) and feel that I just want to have a good cry. There has been another minor restructure in my team in the last month and it looks like I've again been overlooked for a move, which is hugely frustrating. I'm at the point where I feel stuck, I want to look for someone different but obviously the job market isn't exactly booming.

Feels like a bit of a rambling post. I know what I'm feeling is very common at the moment with the world we're living in. I needed to write it down though.

If there's someone above you in the company that you trust, I'd have a word. Much more difficult working from home though. As Kincardine says you might have to grit your teeth and get through it till things get more normal.

[die hard doonhamer]

31 minutes ago, The_Kincardine said:

I don't do front line recruitment but I do work (part time) for a large consultancy and this has been a common call going back to April/May and lots of people are evaluating their job roles and you're no exception.

Hope all is well with yer wee yin and, although it's not the best time to be a new dad, young yins have this way of bringing joy to us.

Right now?  I'd go with security of employment as my priority and then take a view in about a year, frustrating though it may be.

All good with the little one, thanks. She's our third, so I like to think we're quite relaxed and comfortable with parenting now.

18 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

If there's someone above you in the company that you trust, I'd have a word. Much more difficult working from home though. As Kincardine says you might have to grit your teeth and get through it till things get more normal.

I work for a FTSE 100 company, I'm starting to think a move to a different department is the best thing to try and explore. A big enough change, but retaining the security of 8 years of service.

[thistledo]

The combination of everything that's going on and the situation we all face daily really eats at you right now. You're alone much longer with your thoughts which I feel often breeds a lot of negativity and you find yourself second guessing or questioning every little thing. Small inconveniences and minor disputes for me have been magnified 10 times or more, the other week in work I was full on ready for chucking it over something that happened and now I look back and think how utterly ridiculous my train of thought was. In all honesty, I have been bored for years with what I do, I literally only do it as it pays well. But I guess now is not the time to try something else. 

[Venti]

1 hour ago, thistledo said:

The combination of everything that's going on and the situation we all face daily really eats at you right now. You're alone much longer with your thoughts which I feel often breeds a lot of negativity and you find yourself second guessing or questioning every little thing. Small inconveniences and minor disputes for me have been magnified 10 times or more, the other week in work I was full on ready for chucking it over something that happened and now I look back and think how utterly ridiculous my train of thought was. In all honesty, I have been bored for years with what I do, I literally only do it as it pays well. But I guess now is not the time to try something else. 

Think Kincardine was spot on. A fair few folk sick of their job & realising they want a change, but it's not exactly feasible  right now.

[The Moonster]

Struggling right now. Two weeks ago I was given the news that my best mate had passed away. I haven't seen him this year with lockdown and he generally moved between his mums house and dads house, so it was difficult to co-ordinate. It was a real shock and added to the stress over the last two weeks, it wasn't exactly clear how he had died, I've basically been running every scenario through my head non-stop and it's been eating away at me. I've been told this morning that the cause of death has been reported as suspected alcohol withdrawal. Of all the scenarios that I was running through my head, that wasn't one of them. He was quite a depressive guy, he'd go in and out of periods of being healthy and unhealthy but I genuinely didn't know he was relying on alcohol so much. Over the last few months he'd started losing weight through changing his diet/exercising and was starting to look at dating again, I genuinely thought he was on the right track. I still can't really get my head around the fact I won't see him again and I can't really understand how this has happened. He would've turned 32 in 2 weeks time. I wish I'd known he was drinking every day, feel a bit fucking stupid that I've not noticed that my best friend was an alcoholic.

This year has been the most stressful of my life without doubt. With my work and covid going on, I feel exhausted at the end of every day now. I've noticed it doesn't take much for me to get angry and I've probably lashed out at people/things when I should probably have thought better of it. I should probably think more before I call someone out on here because I don't know what they're going through. I see a few pages back that @Thereisalight.. has been struggling, so I'm sorry to you for being a dick on the COVID thread, I sincerely hope you are okay man and I'll reign it in. 

His funeral is next week and at the moment I've been told there's room for me to go, but I don't know if that will change when these tiers come in. I just feel absolutely drained and I don't know how to deal with myself. I just want to hit Pause and have everything stop until I feel better. 

[engelbert_humperdink]

3 hours ago, The Moonster said:

Struggling right now. Two weeks ago I was given the news that my best mate had passed away. I haven't seen him this year with lockdown and he generally moved between his mums house and dads house, so it was difficult to co-ordinate. It was a real shock and added to the stress over the last two weeks, it wasn't exactly clear how he had died, I've basically been running every scenario through my head non-stop and it's been eating away at me. I've been told this morning that the cause of death has been reported as suspected alcohol withdrawal. Of all the scenarios that I was running through my head, that wasn't one of them. He was quite a depressive guy, he'd go in and out of periods of being healthy and unhealthy but I genuinely didn't know he was relying on alcohol so much. Over the last few months he'd started losing weight through changing his diet/exercising and was starting to look at dating again, I genuinely thought he was on the right track. I still can't really get my head around the fact I won't see him again and I can't really understand how this has happened. He would've turned 32 in 2 weeks time. I wish I'd known he was drinking every day, feel a bit fucking stupid that I've not noticed that my best friend was an alcoholic.

This year has been the most stressful of my life without doubt. With my work and covid going on, I feel exhausted at the end of every day now. I've noticed it doesn't take much for me to get angry and I've probably lashed out at people/things when I should probably have thought better of it. I should probably think more before I call someone out on here because I don't know what they're going through. I see a few pages back that @Thereisalight.. has been struggling, so I'm sorry to you for being a dick on the COVID thread, I sincerely hope you are okay man and I'll reign it in. 

His funeral is next week and at the moment I've been told there's room for me to go, but I don't know if that will change when these tiers come in. I just feel absolutely drained and I don't know how to deal with myself. I just want to hit Pause and have everything stop until I feel better. 

Can only sympathise mate. When I was taking drugs daily, I done my absolute utmost to hide it from family and friends. Withdrawals, I would play off as the flu or a stomach bug. So try not to overthink that you didnt pick up on your best mates dependance on alcohol, as most addicts I've come accross it is there dirty little secret. Most will only come clean when they are finally done with their addicition. Repeating myself and rambling, but don't feel stupid about not noticing his addiction. Keep ploughing forward, next year is a new year

Edited October 28, 2020 by engelbert_humperdink

[thistledo]

2 hours ago, The Moonster said:

Struggling right now. Two weeks ago I was given the news that my best mate had passed away. I haven't seen him this year with lockdown and he generally moved between his mums house and dads house, so it was difficult to co-ordinate. It was a real shock and added to the stress over the last two weeks, it wasn't exactly clear how he had died, I've basically been running every scenario through my head non-stop and it's been eating away at me. I've been told this morning that the cause of death has been reported as suspected alcohol withdrawal. Of all the scenarios that I was running through my head, that wasn't one of them. He was quite a depressive guy, he'd go in and out of periods of being healthy and unhealthy but I genuinely didn't know he was relying on alcohol so much. Over the last few months he'd started losing weight through changing his diet/exercising and was starting to look at dating again, I genuinely thought he was on the right track. I still can't really get my head around the fact I won't see him again and I can't really understand how this has happened. He would've turned 32 in 2 weeks time. I wish I'd known he was drinking every day, feel a bit fucking stupid that I've not noticed that my best friend was an alcoholic.

This year has been the most stressful of my life without doubt. With my work and covid going on, I feel exhausted at the end of every day now. I've noticed it doesn't take much for me to get angry and I've probably lashed out at people/things when I should probably have thought better of it. I should probably think more before I call someone out on here because I don't know what they're going through. I see a few pages back that @Thereisalight.. has been struggling, so I'm sorry to you for being a dick on the COVID thread, I sincerely hope you are okay man and I'll reign it in. 

His funeral is next week and at the moment I've been told there's room for me to go, but I don't know if that will change when these tiers come in. I just feel absolutely drained and I don't know how to deal with myself. I just want to hit Pause and have everything stop until I feel better. 

Sorry to hear about your best mate, 32 would have been no age at all as well. I wouldn't beat yourself up about the fact you didn't know about the levels of drinking, certainly if you weren't around the person you'd have no real way of knowing. From experience people can be functional alcoholics for years and you never really realise the extent. 

The funeral situation as with everything right now is distressing, earlier in the year my brother and I had to decide which one of us would attend my grans funeral due to restrictions. It's fucking bollocks really. 

I feel really similar to you in terms of stress and tiredness, I've had a few occasions recently where I've really lost it over quite trivial things. Decided I need to try and calm down, been setting time aside each day to go for walks and a bit of weights, mostly just as a way to manage frustrations and angers of the day/week, I find if I tire myself out I'm less likely to be angry about anything. I'd really recommend it. 

Take it easy. 

[The Moonster]

1 hour ago, engelbert_humperdink said:

Can only sympathise mate. When I was taking drugs daily, I done my absolute utmost to hide it from family and friends. Withdrawals, I would play off as the flu or a stomach bug. So try not to overthink that you didnt pick up on your best mates dependance on alcohol, as most addicts I've come accross it is there dirty little secret. Most will only come clean when they are finally done with their addicition. Repeating myself and rambling, but don't feel stupid about not noticing his addiction. Keep ploughing forward, next year is a new year

 

1 hour ago, thistledo said:

Sorry to hear about your best mate, 32 would have been no age at all as well. I wouldn't beat yourself up about the fact you didn't know about the levels of drinking, certainly if you weren't around the person you'd have no real way of knowing. From experience people can be functional alcoholics for years and you never really realise the extent. 

The funeral situation as with everything right now is distressing, earlier in the year my brother and I had to decide which one of us would attend my grans funeral due to restrictions. It's fucking bollocks really. 

I feel really similar to you in terms of stress and tiredness, I've had a few occasions recently where I've really lost it over quite trivial things. Decided I need to try and calm down, been setting time aside each day to go for walks and a bit of weights, mostly just as a way to manage frustrations and angers of the day/week, I find if I tire myself out I'm less likely to be angry about anything. I'd really recommend it. 

Take it easy. 

Cheers guys, I've had a bit more info from his family today and it's just a heart-breaking situation. He'd apparently been clean for 3 months and doing a keto diet (which I had perceived as him being "on the right track") but had a binge at the end of September and was unwell for about a week before he had a seizure and passed away. His mum has witnessed it all happen too, which is just tragic. It's certainly made me rethink my relationship with drink anyway.

I think you're right that I need to get myself more active, I had been going some runs recently but I'm so unfit I've not really felt much relief after doing it, just need to keep at it. 

[Thereisalight..]

7 hours ago, The Moonster said:

Struggling right now. Two weeks ago I was given the news that my best mate had passed away. I haven't seen him this year with lockdown and he generally moved between his mums house and dads house, so it was difficult to co-ordinate. It was a real shock and added to the stress over the last two weeks, it wasn't exactly clear how he had died, I've basically been running every scenario through my head non-stop and it's been eating away at me. I've been told this morning that the cause of death has been reported as suspected alcohol withdrawal. Of all the scenarios that I was running through my head, that wasn't one of them. He was quite a depressive guy, he'd go in and out of periods of being healthy and unhealthy but I genuinely didn't know he was relying on alcohol so much. Over the last few months he'd started losing weight through changing his diet/exercising and was starting to look at dating again, I genuinely thought he was on the right track. I still can't really get my head around the fact I won't see him again and I can't really understand how this has happened. He would've turned 32 in 2 weeks time. I wish I'd known he was drinking every day, feel a bit fucking stupid that I've not noticed that my best friend was an alcoholic.

This year has been the most stressful of my life without doubt. With my work and covid going on, I feel exhausted at the end of every day now. I've noticed it doesn't take much for me to get angry and I've probably lashed out at people/things when I should probably have thought better of it. I should probably think more before I call someone out on here because I don't know what they're going through. I see a few pages back that @Thereisalight.. has been struggling, so I'm sorry to you for being a dick on the COVID thread, I sincerely hope you are okay man and I'll reign it in. 

His funeral is next week and at the moment I've been told there's room for me to go, but I don't know if that will change when these tiers come in. I just feel absolutely drained and I don't know how to deal with myself. I just want to hit Pause and have everything stop until I feel better. 

I appreciate the apology. Sorry to hear of your friends passing at such a young age. I hope you’re able to go to the funeral and that it will help ease your guilt a bit

[Thereisalight..]

I feel I’ve been in a rut mentally the last few months, but in particular the last few weeks. This time last year my relationship ended and I found out she had a new guy a few weeks later and my Dad also took not well so I have all those memories eating away at me. 

The whole “life” right now also depresses me. I lost the rag at an old kunt in the supermarket earlier and I just feel on a short fuse most of the time. I took my mum to get her shopping today and in the foyer the old p***k was fannying about putting his mask on for ages (everyone else  put theirs on outside), then at the trolley cleaning station he was taking an age and we stepped forward thinking he’d finished. The kunt turned round and was so condescending to my mum and said “do you know what the safe distance is?”. I just saw red and verbally called him out and he  sarcastically said “I’m a 76 year old who doesn’t want to catch covid” I then said if he was that concerned he shouldn’t be out and I called him a fcking b*****d. Ever since then it’s been eating away at me and I just feel like a horrible person and it’s adding to my already low mood. I can’t do right for doing wrong

[Richey Edwards]

Today:

- Both of my parents have Coronavirus and apparently the symptoms can worsen in the second week.

- My girlfriend has decided to break up with me for some completely fabricated reasons that she herself has concocted.

- I could potentially be made redundant soon as I cannot return to my workplace, and am currently waiting to be either "redeployed" or made redundant.

One of these things alone, nevermind all three of them, would have previously been enough to trigger a depressive episode.

However, I'm feeling okay about them. It's a shite situation, but one that I can navigate through.

[DA Baracus]

5 hours ago, Richey Edwards said:

Today:

- Both of my parents have Coronavirus and apparently the symptoms can worsen in the second week.

- My girlfriend has decided to break up with me for some completely fabricated reasons that she herself has concocted.

- I could potentially be made redundant soon as I cannot return to my workplace, and am currently waiting to be either "redeployed" or made redundant.

One of these things alone, nevermind all three of them, would have previously been enough to trigger a depressive episode.

However, I'm feeling okay about them. It's a shite situation, but one that I can navigate through.

Fucking hell, that's brutal. I almost posted a wee laugh emoji as that's such an absurd series of events.

Sorry man. Like you say, any one of those things would be shit, but all three to happen in a day is mental.

To put a twist on things though:

- The death rate of COVID is currently below 3%. 

- Sounds like you've dodged a bullet with your girlfriend if she's made a reason to break up with you. I don't necessarily mean she's an arsehole. It simply could be that she thought the relationship wasn't working and has made something up to get out of it. That doesn't have to reflect on you, but even if it does, so what? It just means that ultimately you weren't compatible for each other. Doesn't mean you won't be compatible for anyone else. It's sad and will hurt a bit, but ultimately it's for the best.

- Yeah, this is hard to put a positive spin on. If it's redundancy you'll get some cash to help you whilst you decide what to do next. Redeployment sounds like corporate talk for shunting you in to a shite position, possibly with less hours and pay. 

You might end up with some time off and time to rest and relax whilst you decide what to do next. It could be the proverbial 'fresh start'. Probably not the best time to be looking for a new job mind, but you'll sort something out.

[NJ2]

Today:
- Both of my parents have Coronavirus and apparently the symptoms can worsen in the second week.
- My girlfriend has decided to break up with me for some completely fabricated reasons that she herself has concocted.
- I could potentially be made redundant soon as I cannot return to my workplace, and am currently waiting to be either "redeployed" or made redundant.
One of these things alone, nevermind all three of them, would have previously been enough to trigger a depressive episode.
However, I'm feeling okay about them. It's a shite situation, but one that I can navigate through.

That’s a shite hand to be dealt mate, sorry.
Keep the head up, hopefully your folks are fine and we can suss out the rest as we go [emoji106]

[Richey Edwards]

1 hour ago, DA Baracus said:

Fucking hell, that's brutal. I almost posted a wee laugh emoji as that's such an absurd series of events.

Sorry man. Like you say, any one of those things would be shit, but all three to happen in a day is mental.

To put a twist on things though:

- The death rate of COVID is currently below 3%. 

- Sounds like you've dodged a bullet with your girlfriend if she's made a reason to break up with you. I don't necessarily mean she's an arsehole. It simply could be that she thought the relationship wasn't working and has made something up to get out of it. That doesn't have to reflect on you, but even if it does, so what? It just means that ultimately you weren't compatible for each other. Doesn't mean you won't be compatible for anyone else. It's sad and will hurt a bit, but ultimately it's for the best.

- Yeah, this is hard to put a positive spin on. If it's redundancy you'll get some cash to help you whilst you decide what to do next. Redeployment sounds like corporate talk for shunting you in to a shite position, possibly with less hours and pay. 

You might end up with some time off and time to rest and relax whilst you decide what to do next. It could be the proverbial 'fresh start'. Probably not the best time to be looking for a new job mind, but you'll sort something out.

- Yeah, thus far they've coped well with the symptoms well and it hasn't been anymore than an inconvenience for them. However, there's plenty of horror stories online about people being unable to breathe properly and requiring intensive care or dying of complications from having the virus and other conditions. My dad has a heart condition so it's worrying to think that such a thing could happen to him.

 

- My girlfriend appears to have convinced herself that I have been using dating apps and cheating on her. This is completely untrue, and I have told her that.

However, she started insulting me so I pointed out that she was behaving unreasonably and being nasty to me for no reason. This didn't go down well and she's blocked me from all means of electronic communication. 

This is particularly disappointing, because we are both supposedly old enough and mature enough to break up without any of this infantile nonsense.

 

- the job situation, I'll have to wait and see what happens. However, hopefully it works out for the best.