The joke thread: a thread for camaraderie and hilarity

[buchan30]

[scottsdad]

The Innuendo Society has seen a huge rise in it's members.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

I remember when this was all Gracie Fields.

[Duszek]

[Derry Alli]

[GordonD]

[Newbornbairn]

I spoke to Elvis about Morrisons, Asda, Sainsburys, Tesco, and Aldi.

It was a Lidl less conversation.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

 

 

[Old Diamond]

I saw a deal on eBay. “Television for Sale – £1- Volume Stuck On Max”.

 

 

 

I thought:

 

“There’s no way I can turn that down”

 

 

[alta-pete]

1 hour ago, Old Diamond said:

I saw a deal on eBay. “Television for Sale – £1- Volume Stuck On Max”.

 

 

 

I thought:

 

“There’s no way I can turn that down”

 

 

Are you new here? 

[Arch Stanton]

4 hours ago, Old Diamond said:

I saw a deal on eBay. “Television for Sale – £1- Volume Stuck On Max”.

 

 

 

I thought:

 

“There’s no way I can turn that down”

 

 

You should check out the Gold section of this forum.

 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

3 minutes ago, Arch Stanton said:

You should check out the Gold section of this forum.

 

This is a valid point.

I think every new member should have a probationary period during which they need to read the Gold Forum then sit a test before they can enter the hallowed turf of Piss and Bovril.

@Div make it so.

[alta-pete]

5 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

This is a valid point.

I think every new member should have a probationary period during which they need to read the Gold Forum then sit a test before they can enter the hallowed turf of Piss and Bovril.

@Div make it so.

Need to pass the Theory before you hit the Practical. 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

6 minutes ago, alta-pete said:

Need to pass the Theory before you hit the Practical. 

Exactly. A few oldies on here could be doing with a refresher.

[Mark Connolly]

16 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Exactly. A few oldies on here could be doing with a refresher.

[Bold Rover]

19 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Exactly. A few oldies on here could be doing with a refresher.

 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

18 minutes ago, Bold Rover said:

 

 

[Arch Stanton]

Englishman: "That your dog?"

Welshman: "Aye"

Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'

Welshman: "Dog don't talk.”

Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doing all right."

Welshman: (look of shock)

Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)

Dog: "Yep."

Englishman: How's he treating you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."

Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Welshman: "Horse don't talk.”

Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)

Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)

Horse: "Yep."

Englishman: "How's he treating you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather."

Welshman: (Look of total amazement!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Welshman: "That sheep's a fucking liar!!”

[Arch Stanton]

I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer … came second.

[Quentin Prankett]

23 hours ago, Arch Stanton said:

Englishman: "That your dog?"

Welshman: "Aye"

Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'

Welshman: "Dog don't talk.”

Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doing all right."

Welshman: (look of shock)

Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)

Dog: "Yep."

Englishman: How's he treating you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."

Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Welshman: "Horse don't talk.”

Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)

Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)

Horse: "Yep."

Englishman: "How's he treating you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather."

Welshman: (Look of total amazement!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Welshman: "That sheep's a fucking liar!!”

Hmmm sounds like a made up story tbh