Work colleagues

[BillyAnchor]

11 hours ago, Shotgun said:

The daughter of a friend of mine who is 15 (the daughter, not the friend) has recently announced she wants to train as a mortician. Her family are creeped out by the idea and aren’t being supportive whereas I’m taking a more philosophical stance in that while I wouldn’t want to do it, I’m glad there are people who do.

Anyway, the other day she asked me how old I was when I figured out what I wanted to do in life.

Fuxxake, how do I explain to a 15-year old kid that at 57, I still haven’t a fucking clue?

Good effort not getting the word stiffy in to a mortician thread.

[Dee Man]

13 hours ago, Shotgun said:

The daughter of a friend of mine who is 15 (the daughter, not the friend) has recently announced she wants to train as a mortician. Her family are creeped out by the idea and aren’t being supportive whereas I’m taking a more philosophical stance in that while I wouldn’t want to do it, I’m glad there are people who do.

Anyway, the other day she asked me how old I was when I figured out what I wanted to do in life.

Fuxxake, how do I explain to a 15-year old kid that at 57, I still haven’t a fucking clue?

She's surreptitiously trying to work out if you'll be one of her first ,erm, customers. 

Edit: Hold on, that doesn't make any sense - I somehow thought you'd said she'd asked what age you were. I've just woken up. Leave me alone. 

Edited October 22, 2019 by Dee Man

[GordonD]

5 hours ago, BillyAnchor said:

Good effort not getting the word stiffy in to a mortician thread.

I was going to object to the word 'mortician' until I spotted where the OP lives.

[Jason King]

Oh oh, trouble this morning - it appears that one of my colleagues has been claiming travel expenses like there is no tomorrow. Our budget for the year is £5k, we've less than £600 left and we're only 3 weeks into the second half of the year!!

Buying a £15 burger for lunch whilst at an all day meeting has not gone down well (or the 100+ photos they posted on Facebook of a well know Scottish tourist attraction that they appear to have visited when they were supposed to be working).

We're mandated to go on public transport where available but a simple "I don't feel safe on the train" from them means they get special dispensation to take their own car and now its coming back to bite management on the arse.

 

Edited October 22, 2019 by Jason King

[deej]

8 minutes ago, Jason King said:

Oh oh, trouble this morning - it appears that one of my colleagues has been claiming travel expenses like there is no tomorrow. Our budget for the year is £5k, we've less than £600 left and we're only 3 weeks into the second half of the year!!

Buying a £15 burger for lunch whilst at an all day meeting has not gone down well (or the 100+ photos they posted on Facebook of a well know Scottish tourist attraction that they appear to have visited when they were supposed to be working).

We're mandated to go on public transport where available but a simple "I don't feel safe on the train" from them means they get special dispensation to take their own car and now its coming back to bite management on the arse.

 

Tell them it's safer if they get in the train, as if you get on it, angry Londoners will drag you off and beat the shit out of you.

[KnightswoodBear]

I've just had a conference call with a South African customer that I'm designing their new WAN network for who is a bit of an arse.  At one point it was brought up that we were currently scheduled in to put the first site live in December, to which he objected and said "No, you can't".  It took a herculean effort from me not to respond with "Well, there was no need for that!".

I also wanted to say "diplomatic immunity" for the entire length of the call.

[Bairnardo]

5 minutes ago, KnightswoodBear said:

I've just had a conference call with a South African customer that I'm designing their new WAN network for who is a bit of an arse.  At one point it was brought up that we were currently scheduled in to put the first site live in December, to which he objected and said "No, you can't".  It took a herculean effort from me not to respond with "Well, there was no need for that!".

I also wanted to say "diplomatic immunity" for the entire length of the call.

 

[Dons_1988]

I've just had a conference call with a South African customer that I'm designing their new WAN network for who is a bit of an arse.  At one point it was brought up that we were currently scheduled in to put the first site live in December, to which he objected and said "No, you can't".  It took a herculean effort from me not to respond with "Well, there was no need for that!".
I also wanted to say "diplomatic immunity" for the entire length of the call.

Should have asked what part of Birmingham he was from.

[8MileBU]

Oh oh, trouble this morning - it appears that one of my colleagues has been claiming travel expenses like there is no tomorrow. Our budget for the year is £5k, we've less than £600 left and we're only 3 weeks into the second half of the year!!
Buying a £15 burger for lunch whilst at an all day meeting has not gone down well (or the 100+ photos they posted on Facebook of a well know Scottish tourist attraction that they appear to have visited when they were supposed to be working).
We're mandated to go on public transport where available but a simple "I don't feel safe on the train" from them means they get special dispensation to take their own car and now its coming back to bite management on the arse.
 

Management of my department at work pull stunts like this all the time, just so they and their favourites can claim fuel/meal expenses etc.

If there’s a meeting with 10 folk from the central belt and two folk from the north, they’ll book the meeting for Aberdeen or Invernesss so they can claim expenses for fuel, hotels and everything else they’re ‘entitled’ to claim for. It’s ‘so the North guys don’t have to travel so far’ though...

[senorsoupe]

2 minutes ago, 8MileBU said:

 

Management of my department at work pull stunts like this all the time, just so they and their favourites can claim fuel/meal expenses etc.

If there’s a meeting with 10 folk from the central belt and two folk from the north, they’ll book the meeting for Aberdeen or Invernesss so they can claim expenses for fuel, hotels and everything else they’re ‘entitled’ to claim for. It’s ‘so the North guys don’t have to travel so far’ though...

 

I work in the Canadian government and my first job involved working with travel claims for a department.  The upper level executive (we shall call him Bill) that we reported to (and everyone thought Bill was a top shelf arsehole) had been constantly micromanaging budgets so that overspending in our section didn't happen, it was a pain in the arse to buy office supplies for example.  

Anyways Bill had set up a mechanism where a) top level executive claims were a) auto approved and b) rarely verified.  Unfortunately for Bill rarely verified didn't mean never verified and after a chance verification of one of his claims it was discovered he had been doing all sorts of cheating.  Unfortunately for Bill, executives in the Canadian government are not unionized and he was sacked, when I got the news my manager was desperately trying not to laugh as she told us

[welshbairn]

2 hours ago, KnightswoodBear said:

I've just had a conference call with a South African customer that I'm designing their new WAN network for who is a bit of an arse.  At one point it was brought up that we were currently scheduled in to put the first site live in December, to which he objected and said "No, you can't!". 

KnightswoodBear's multiprotocol label switching station:

[8MileBU]

I work in the Canadian government and my first job involved working with travel claims for a department.  The upper level executive (we shall call him Bill) that we reported to (and everyone thought Bill was a top shelf arsehole) had been constantly micromanaging budgets so that overspending in our section didn't happen, it was a pain in the arse to buy office supplies for example.  

Anyways Bill had set up a mechanism where a) top level executive claims were a) auto approved and b) rarely verified.  Unfortunately for Bill rarely verified didn't mean never verified and after a chance verification of one of his claims it was discovered he had been doing all sorts of cheating.  Unfortunately for Bill, executives in the Canadian government are not unionized and he was sacked, when I got the news my manager was desperately trying not to laugh as she told us

 

The culture in my work department is very much one of ‘if the face fits’. It’s literally tragic. External applicants have far more chance of coming into the company if they look the right way, will ask ‘how high?’ when asked to jump, have the hipster hobbies management love and their work experience (or lack of) is just an afterthought.

 

They’ve also started this ‘future leaders’ programme where the younger generation are being hand-picked from uni and brought in if there’s so much as one module of their degree baring a half-relevance to the job. I’m regularly seeing staff with 10, 20, 30 years overlooked for promotion who then end up having to train folk to be their boss. Then the new managers who’ve learned everything from a book and have no practical experience try to lead a team operating infrastructure that’s been in place for decades before they were born or their study books were even written. The funniest part is that countless times, after about 6 months the new starts in management end up going off on the sick long-term then eventually leave and the cycle starts all over again. Our staff turnover numbers are utterly ridiculous.

[Honest_Man#1]

47 minutes ago, 8MileBU said:

 

The culture in my work department is very much one of ‘if the face fits’. It’s literally tragic. External applicants have far more chance of coming into the company if they look the right way, will ask ‘how high?’ when asked to jump, have the hipster hobbies management love and their work experience (or lack of) is just an afterthought.

 

They’ve also started this ‘future leaders’ programme where the younger generation are being hand-picked from uni and brought in if there’s so much as one module of their degree baring a half-relevance to the job. I’m regularly seeing staff with 10, 20, 30 years overlooked for promotion who then end up having to train folk to be their boss. Then the new managers who’ve learned everything from a book and have no practical experience try to lead a team operating infrastructure that’s been in place for decades before they were born or their study books were even written. The funniest part is that countless times, after about 6 months the new starts in management end up going off on the sick long-term then eventually leave and the cycle starts all over again. Our staff turnover numbers are utterly ridiculous.

I’ve benefited from exactly this sort of thing. It’ll vary by industry and the roles they’re putting these types of people in, but I’ve found that all it really shows is how robust the recruitment process is (or isn’t). I’ve seen examples like you’ve given where they’re nowhere near ready for the role they’re put in and fold like a deckchair.

However I’ve also seen (and experienced first hand) examples where it’s claimed that people with “years of experience” in a technical role have been “unfairly” overlooked for a graduate/more management focused individual and found that the reality is they wouldn’t be able to do the job. In my first hand example the person had great technical knowledge but not the temperament to deal with a client or manage a team, and could barely operate a basic excel spreadsheet never mind anything more complicated.  

[DA Baracus]

There’s a guy in our office who is absolutely stinking. Horrible smelly c**t.

 

He claims that he showers at night and not in the morning, but even that is in doubt such is his musty foul stench. Even his clothes stink. He’s a jakeball. We call him ‘Smellator’.

Unfortunately I sit near enough to him that I have to put up with appalling odour. He’s been talked to about it on a few occasions but never does anything about it. There’s no excuse for anyone to smell that bad and to not wash their clothes.

 

He’s also comically inept at his job and is a hugely lazy b*****d. He has had his hours cut as much as the workplace can without actually firing him. He has an excuse for everything and is widely disliked. He gets talkings to on a daily basis.

 

He is also a nosy b*****d and a massive bullshitter. I mention the two together because he often listens in to other folks’ conversations before butting in with some clearly made up nonsense. Just today he was claiming that there was an ancient law in Scotland whereby a man could shout ‘I marry you!’ to a woman and that was them legally married.

 

He’s a tosser.

[D.A.F.C]

 The culture in my work department is very much one of ‘if the face fits’. It’s literally tragic. External applicants have far more chance of coming into the company if they look the right way, will ask ‘how high?’ when asked to jump, have the hipster hobbies management love and their work experience (or lack of) is just an afterthought.

 

They’ve also started this ‘future leaders’ programme where the younger generation are being hand-picked from uni and brought in if there’s so much as one module of their degree baring a half-relevance to the job. I’m regularly seeing staff with 10, 20, 30 years overlooked for promotion who then end up having to train folk to be their boss. Then the new managers who’ve learned everything from a book and have no practical experience try to lead a team operating infrastructure that’s been in place for decades before they were born or their study books were even written. The funniest part is that countless times, after about 6 months the new starts in management end up going off on the sick long-term then eventually leave and the cycle starts all over again. Our staff turnover numbers are utterly ridiculous.

 

Every person promoted in my department has been told to apply for a job before it was advertised. They had a youngster on work experience who had a picture on the wall for winning an award. Then they went through the charade of bringing in 20 interviewees to go through the motions for a permanent position. Work experience person got it so now everyone thinks it's a fix and rightly so seen as the person interviewing them was their mentor for the next few years.This is why I went mental last page or so on here. Been denied promotion twice despite being told I was superior in skill level and work ethic.

The job is good but this sort of thing just creates problems.

Another colleague turned down was also told the same thing.

It happens all over I guess.

 

Edit: oh yeah three of the four promoted have lunch or get a lift from the supervisor.

Pretty sure it's just a coincidence.

 

[Derry Alli]

1 hour ago, DA Baracus said:

There’s a guy in our office who is absolutely stinking. Horrible smelly c**t.

 

He claims that he showers at night and not in the morning, but even that is in doubt such is his musty foul stench. Even his clothes stink. He’s a jakeball. We call him ‘Smellator’.

@Stellaboz, is bullying allowed in the workplace? 

[BFTD]

I've just had a conference call with a South African customer that I'm designing their new WAN network for who is a bit of an arse.  At one point it was brought up that we were currently scheduled in to put the first site live in December, to which he objected and said "No, you can't".  It took a herculean effort from me not to respond with "Well, there was no need for that!".
I also wanted to say "diplomatic immunity" for the entire length of the call.

Into the sea you go.

[Stellaboz]

21 minutes ago, Dele said:

@Stellaboz, is bullying allowed in the workplace? 

Yes but not on here.

[Aufc]

 
The culture in my work department is very much one of ‘if the face fits’. It’s literally tragic. External applicants have far more chance of coming into the company if they look the right way, will ask ‘how high?’ when asked to jump, have the hipster hobbies management love and their work experience (or lack of) is just an afterthought.
 
They’ve also started this ‘future leaders’ programme where the younger generation are being hand-picked from uni and brought in if there’s so much as one module of their degree baring a half-relevance to the job. I’m regularly seeing staff with 10, 20, 30 years overlooked for promotion who then end up having to train folk to be their boss. Then the new managers who’ve learned everything from a book and have no practical experience try to lead a team operating infrastructure that’s been in place for decades before they were born or their study books were even written. The funniest part is that countless times, after about 6 months the new starts in management end up going off on the sick long-term then eventually leave and the cycle starts all over again. Our staff turnover numbers are utterly ridiculous.

^^
University of life

[8MileBU]

I’ve benefited from exactly this sort of thing. It’ll vary by industry and the roles they’re putting these types of people in, but I’ve found that all it really shows is how robust the recruitment process is (or isn’t). I’ve seen examples like you’ve given where they’re nowhere near ready for the role they’re put in and fold like a deckchair.

However I’ve also seen (and experienced first hand) examples where it’s claimed that people with “years of experience” in a technical role have been “unfairly” overlooked for a graduate/more management focused individual and found that the reality is they wouldn’t be able to do the job. In my first hand example the person had great technical knowledge but not the temperament to deal with a client or manage a team, and could barely operate a basic excel spreadsheet never mind anything more complicated.  

 

Don’t get me wrong, there are of course graduates or people who come in from other companies who turn out to be a good choice and successful in their role. However, in my department these types are few and far between. In a lot of instances, particularly with the graduate program, the thing that really fucks me off is that this is their first steps into employment and the amount that come in with an ‘I’ve been hand picked because I’ve got a degree!’ attitude, but haven’t even developed a work ethic and often show no sign of one developing at all. (Young yin’s these days!![emoji1])

 

It also creates a negative, defeatist culture and lowers morale throughout the department. Our turnover numbers of staff between 20-30 is ridiculous because of lack of opportunities. The knock on effect also pisses people off as their team leaders (me) and team managers are having their time consumed having to produce and submit pointless business-cases to present to senior management to ask for new staff! Say there’s 10 folk in a team and two folk leave, we have to then go through a ridiculous process that typically takes 6 weeks before a week of interviews. Just get a fucking advert up straight away to find the number of folk required to have the team at 10 folk again. Some clown up the chain also decided to implement a point-scoring system for interviews as well which just defeats the purpose of trusting team leaders and managers judgement of character when interviewing as well.